


et lux in terra

by taeyeons



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - MAMA (Music Video), Angst, Baekhyun-centric, Blood, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multi, Mutants, Rebellion, Romance, Superpowers, Violence, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-07
Updated: 2016-09-07
Packaged: 2018-07-24 13:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 71,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7509964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taeyeons/pseuds/taeyeons
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Baekhyun reminds himself that he's a Saviour over and over again. Or is he?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue; the End

**Author's Note:**

> [falls dramatically to my knees] mom I made it!! hehehe.
> 
> firstly, I'd like to say a huge huge thank you to the mods for being absolutely patient with me through this journey. the mods were really kind and nice and it eased my heart, while writing this. 
> 
> secondly, thank you to maddie for helping me with this fic and directing me with your honest feedback on my writing, aiding me with lots of tips that truly improved my fic. thank you to those who stayed by my side, tolerating my cries (c & m, you know who you are).
> 
> thirdly, I have been a HUGE pain in the ass to everyone, because of my stress, writing this fic. it had really been a journey, I shed lots of tears along the way, I have thought of giving up lots of times but nevertheless, here I am!!!! with a badly written fic but still my fic, my baby that I gave birth to. there are times where I didn't want to continue because it had been hard for me to finish this, but I've had a lot of support and strength and in a way, the Baekhyun I've written here is my alter ego, my baby that I've put through so much pain. 
> 
> lastly, to the readers that are about to tackle this fic, I want to apologise for the lacking writing content you're about to read. I'm not the best writer out there and I had been through a lot, writing this. I'd honestly take in any criticism you say on my writing because I need it to grow as a writer. this fic is a rollercoaster of emotions just like my previous works, that's my style and signature so if emotions aren't your thing, I apologise!!!! otherwise, please enjoy my fic as much as you can and thank you for reading this. I'm grateful to you, readers.
> 
> also, just ONE very last thing before I go, the lyrics written at the top of every chapter is 'Breath Of Life' by Florence & The Machine. I don't own any of the characters in this fic, nor do I own the lyrics of 'Breath Of Life'. this is a work that was heavily inspired by x-men, and exo's monster mv. and if you beautiful readers would like a fitting song to this fic, I'd recommend Medicine by Daughter, the song that got me through so much.
> 
> have fun reading!! and also direct your attention to the rest of the fics in the exordium 2k16 as well. (◡‿◡✿)

_Experiment #4_

 

That is what it reads on the finishing slide shown on the projector, blinding the woman into madness.

 

It is indeed maddening to her, head being picked apart by the many underlying meanings of those words. Spinning, dizzying, and she is feeling the overwhelming takeover of the single emotion in her heart: madness. The words shown on the screen are triggering, scaring her to bits. She is afraid of the truth, the outcome of it all.

 

She sits alone at the far end of the table, where no one close to her bothers her, head shaking to herself, frail-looking hands trembling in her lap. She is muttering words, a phrase repeated over and over again almost like a mantra, underneath her breath, quiet enough for herself to hear, loud enough for the last few people in the conference room to pick up on.

 

That is if they cared at all.

 

A gift that she birthed, a gift that had been hers.

 

“ _...taken away... he can't be...”_

 

There is enough chatter in the conference room to drown her out but it becomes strange sight, an aloof sight for the sore eyes.

 

A hand drops to the curve of her shoulder, jolting her awake, eyes widened and startled from the sudden touch. She jerks away from the touch, gaze flitting up in fear to meet the stranger's eyes. It is even more alarming to see the kindness in the stranger's eyes, a man with the colour of smoke raked along the strands of his hair, clad in a suit just like the rest in the room. So neat and tidy, far from the frayed, light dress she is wearing, the hem of her sleeves being torn into threads, picked apart by her anxious and itchy fingers.

 

She is stunned into silence for a few seconds before her eyes drop to the name tag by his right pocket. A certain pang of another realisation sinks in at the familiarity of it all. Fear comes in, crippling her. There is deliriousness on the edge of her gaze, her lips parting and closing the gap a few times.

 

The muttered words return to her tongue, her hand coming up to grab onto his name tag. He moves away, just as startled as she was earlier, but she is clutching on tightly, knuckles whitened. There is a snarl on her features, madness.

 

“ _You can't take my light away, you can't take my light away, you can't take my light away, you can't...”_

 

 

 


	2. no.1; forgetting

 

[  _looking for a breath of a life, a little touch of heavenly light_ ]

 

* * *

 

 

_Light._

 

It flows out of the palm of his hand, stretching outwards, and Baekhyun winces at the glimpse of hope swimming in her eyes. A hope at the sight of the light, a hope that she'll live again, a hope that this isn't the end. It is always a misunderstanding, and his own heart aches when he tears the hope away. Baekhyun wants to close his own eyes shut from the horror but something in him is fascinated by the look in her eyes. _There's another light living in those irises_ , Baekhyun thinks, _and I'm going to take it_.

 

He curls his hand inwardly slightly and feels the ball of light right in the palm of his hand. It feels weightless and if Baekhyun focused on it, it could almost overwhelm him in a wave of memories seen through the girl's eyes. But he's not going to give in, not again.

 

The tension in his arm muscles could be seen in his veins and his forehead is bent in concentration. Her eyes grow bigger, alarmed. Her cheekbones are sunken in, and if he wants to listen, if he has the courage to, he could hear her saying _“No, please.”_ He is devoid of any senses, any emotions and when he pulls his hand back, the ball of light explodes in front of his eyes. The body in front of him collapses like a rag doll. Motionless. Dead.

 

“Finally,” a voice behind him speaks up, ringing into the silence and his ears. “I thought you weren't going to do it. _Again_.”

 

Baekhyun drops his hand and lifts the other to ruffle his own hair. “Shut up, Sehun,” he grumbles. “Let's just go.”

 

Sehun smiles lopsidedly; there are no other smiles he could offer. “After you.”

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, slightly panting from the stunt he just pulled. The sensation that comes after it isn't all welcoming, the adrenaline rush dizzying his head, and he trips on his own two feet when he takes the first step. He hears a snicker behind him and Baekhyun resists the urge to turn around and land a punch on the younger boy. Instead, he picks himself up and walks on like nothing happened.

 

Baekhyun's good at pretending. He's also good at feeling nothing.

 

His fingers are buzzing from the energy of the last soul he has taken out of the girl. Baekhyun curses himself inwardly for almost giving in to the thread of memories swimming in the ball of light. The last time he did it, he ended up in the infirmary, vomiting his insides into a bucket, for an entire week. Baekhyun shudders at the memory. Though, Baekhyun can't fully blame himself for inching closer to the presence of a human memory.

 

Baekhyun, himself, can't remember a life before M.A.* He can't remember his potty training, his first words, the face of his own mother. He can't remember a world before any of this.

 

When his questions were brought to Leader Jinki, the latter merely laughed and patted Baekhyun on the back with minimal fondness. He dismissed it as the amnesia that the doctor diagnosed Baekhyun due to the hard and difficult life he had led before the government discovered him and saved him.

 

Amnesia, Baekhyun rolls the word around his tongue at the time, what an odd thing.

 

Sehun catches up with him, strutting and playing with the wind between his fingers. Baekhyun could feel the particles in the air moving around him. He's quite used to Sehun's antics, sometimes the boy likes to create a wind storm in the middle of a simulation just for the fun of it ( _“What's the fun in just killing people?” Sehun had said, shrugging when Baekhyun chided him. “You can have your own party tricks and I'll have mine.”_ ).

 

They reach the Circle in a clearing of the forest they are stranded in. Baekhyun takes one last look around his surroundings, half expecting something horrific to jump at them. His mind is used to these surprises by now, used to expecting them even in unlikely situations.

 

“Ready?” Sehun turns to Baekhyun, an eyebrow cocked, expectant. Baekhyun takes one last deep breath before nodding.

 

They both look down at the watches strapped around their wrists and press their thumbs flat against the rectangular screen. Baekhyun watches as it recognises his thumbprint and he doesn't let go until his entire being is transmitted back to the quarters. He feels himself stumble in reality and there is a hand reaching out, steadying him. Baekhyun mutters a word of gratitude before flashing his eyes towards Sehun. There is that lopsided smile from before, like it was never erased.

 

Baekhyun takes a turn and tries to feel his fingers move, tapping them against his thighs, humming out a matching tune. They are transported back to their own room; Baekhyun spots the half empty bottle of water sitting by his bed, the ancient music player Sehun uses sitting on the top of his pillows.

 

Sehun tugs on Baekhyun's wrist, pulling insistently, “We have to report to Jinki.”

 

He frowns, but follows Sehun through the hallway anyway. If Baekhyun strains his ears, he can almost hear the adrenaline rush in all the other Saviours training, the _lights_ bubbling in them brighter than regular human beings. Baekhyun wonders briefly, if he holds one of their souls in the palm of his hand, would it _burn_ his flesh?

 

“Do you think Taehyung has beaten Yoongi yet?” Sehun asks casually with a hum buzzing in his voice. He feels the shift in the air, the beads of sweat from earlier are starting to cool down. Baekhyun lowers his eyes to Sehun's hands. Sure enough, he's playing with the wind again.

 

Baekhyun looks away, giving up on asking Sehun to quit it. He has tried many times but Sehun never quits his tricks with the air. His eyes are reading the name plates on the doors as they pass by and he lets out a reluctant chuckle at the mention of the two young boys probably bickering in the middle of training, “It would take a millennium before Taehyung could even pass the line. He wishes.”

 

Sehun's eyes burn with amusement at Baekhyun's words, “Are you always this pessimistic? About yourself and everyone around you?”

 

Baekhyun gives in to the laugh, his eyes glinting under the poorly dimmed corridor, “No, I'm just a realist.”

 

They round the corner and the door is at the end of the corridor in all its glory with a gold name plate on the door frame. Baekhyun could already envision the interior behind the door, almost dreading his encounter with the leader.

 

His hand reaches forward to turn the knob but he finds it turning before his eyes. Baekhyun hears Sehun say, “No worries, Baek hyung. I got this one.”

 

He rolls his eyes, pushing the door open, shoving Sehun out of the way so that he could enter first, “It's just a door, Sehunnie. No need to show off.”

 

“A thank you would have sufficed.”

 

Baekhyun ignores him, taking a few steps into the office. He's too familiar with the place. The same, mundane photo frames line the table with random pictures of sceneries that Baekhyun isn't sure if Jinki took or if they came with the frame. He hears the click of the door closing behind him.

 

It only takes a minute – a long one in Baekhyun's opinion – for Jinki to appear. He pops up in the corner of his office, with his tie slightly loose. Baekhyun bows out of respect (and habit) whilst Sehun stands tall, unflinching. He does however salutes at the leader halfheartedly. There's a Rubiex cube in his hands and Baekhyun doesn't have it in him to wonder where he even obtained it from.

 

“You guys are early,” Jinki greets them, walking over to his desk. He doesn't sit down, merely stands behind the desk and addresses them. “I was just finishing a meeting.”

 

Sehun cuts to the chase, rattling off his report like he's supposed to, “Baekhyun did better today. He didn't hesitate again. The light was brighter than before too.”

 

“And did it work?”

 

Baekhyun's watching Sehun, curious about what he's about to say. It shocks him when it slips out of Sehun's lips with a sure smile, “Better than I expected.”

 

Different from the previous answers of _“he could have done more”_ , _“Baekhyun hyung choked today”_ or the most common one is _“he couldn't do it”_.

 

“Thanks, Sehun. You are dismissed,” Jinki nods at the younger boy. He pauses, as if contemplating, “Try the meatloaf special today and please, for my sake, keep Taehyung away from Yoongi.”

 

Sehun is already half out of the door when Jinki mentions the two boys, “I'm not here to do your dirty work but I'll try the meatloaf.”

 

Jinki grins, shaking his head with a sigh. Baekhyun suddenly feels too hot, without Sehun's usual habit of churning the wind around them. He stays silent as Jinki looks up to address him properly, eyes scrutinising every detail of Baekhyun's figure, “You're improving, Baekhyun. That's a relief.”

 

Baekhyun chuckles, “A relief that I haven't gone rogue or a relief that I'm not a work of failure?”

 

Jinki's eyes harden slightly and then, soften as they reduce to crinkles. A laugh spills out of his lips, “A relief that you're okay. You're not having withdrawals anymore.”

 

“I've grown past that.” Or Baekhyun likes to believe that he has.

 

“A relief indeed,” and Jinki's lips stretch further into a wider smile. “You're ready.”

 

Baekhyun hums, eyes glistening in hope, and he asks, “Do you think so?”

 

He didn't think it was possible for Jinki's smile to spread even more but it does, “ _I know so_.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Baekhyun remembers it all too clearly in his head, the first time he took the light out of someone.

 

He remembers the girl. A frail figure crouching behind a pillar with eyes too wide for her small-framed face, eyes that have seen the sins committed in her surroundings. The same pair of green eyes averted its gaze to the glow of his hands and the blood tainted floor, and Baekhyun felt the guilt and sympathy coursing through his veins, too aware of all the bodies lying around him, dead.

 

It started with a field mission, Leader Jinki trusting Baekhyun all too much and sending him off on a team of Saviours to a rural village somewhere in Cambodia. They had arrived at the tick of four in the morning, the sky was still darkened and barely lit by the few stars. Their black uniforms easily blended into the night, camouflaged into the dark.

 

Leader Jinki thought it had been a good idea to send Baekhyun on a mission for once, to make him experience what it was like to be out on the fields, working with a few Saviours at his back, looking out for him. He thought it would help Baekhyun see more sense of the direction the M.A. was trying to propose, the purpose of the entire society, _his_ own purpose as a Saviour of the third generation.

 

Baekhyun had been paired with Yoongi, the latter was also new to M.A. but not as nervous as Baekhyun. He seemed to know his tricks well, helping out another as soon as he could, carrying the mission out with no hiccups unlike Baekhyun who was mainly watching and trudging on small steps through the quiet village.

 

It all went haywire when Baekhyun absent-mindedly followed another pair of Saviours into a house. He lost contact with Yoongi and when he tried to turn back, the grey haired boy was gone from his sight. He figured he wouldn't be castrated as he was still staying close to the group. He figured there wouldn't be any issues, he merely lost his partner in a field mission. Yoongi was far more capable than he was and he could take care of himself.

 

He heard the other two Saviours taking out the people in the house. Baekhyun watched, with a stricken expression on his face, as the guy used his laser beams to shoot smaller beams into the occupants' chests and the girl used her telekinesis to fling different weapons or sharp objects into the human bodies.

 

When Baekhyun let out a gasp, then, the pair realised they had company. They merely turned their backs on him, barely acknowledging his presence and finished their job within a few minutes. As soon as they were done, the guy barked out a command at Baekhyun to check all of their lives and that he 'could use his powers to good use for once'.

 

And Baekhyun did as he was told, scavenging through the dead bodies, narrowly avoiding them. He swallowed the rising bile in his throat and breathed through his mouth to keep himself from smelling the dead bodies and the overwhelming scent of blood.

 

He closed his eyes momentarily and reached deep into his core to feel his own light. He could feel the two Saviours' lights, bursting with even more power together. He was about to confirm to the pair that there was indeed no one else in the house when he felt it.

 

The presence of a dimming light, on its last few breaths, but still a light nonetheless in the house.

 

Baekhyun looked around and that was how he found the young girl, eyes stricken with the horrors she had seen created by them. He almost felt sympathy for her, wanting to reach out to her to reassure her safety.

 

Baekhyun heard someone saying to him then, diminishing all thoughts at once and reminding him of his purpose right here in the village, “Quick! Take her out before the others come.”

 

He fell to his knees in front of the young girl. He watched as she flinched back on instinct and there was that subconscious feeling in him, the shame and disgust. Baekhyun wanted to save her, give her the light but there was that threatening voice inching on the back of his mind, growing louder and louder.

 

The young girl had fallen like the others, joined them in their never ending sleep whilst Baekhyun trudged towards the exit, his heart feeling heavier than before, the ball of light clutched within his hold.

 

She haunted him ever since.

 

The image of the younger girl's eyes dimming and rolling back to show the white and red expanse of her eyeballs traumatized him for days, weeks even. He could almost feel the girl’s fight for her last breath, her last words, her last _anything_ when he wrenched the life out of her. When she breathed out the word, “ _Please_ ” in broken English syllables for the very last time, the word haunted him in his sleep in the very same, croaking voice the girl had.

 

Baekhyun couldn’t sleep; he became an insomniac for three weeks straight. The bags were so heavy under his eyes, he could barely keep them open but then when he submitted, suddenly, the girl would float into his mind and he found it hard to meet her in his nightmares, in the black space he saw when he closed his eyes.

 

He tried to train it through, working hard in the training room, throwing knives after knives, hitting different kinds of targets. Several commanders patted him on the shoulder, asked him to take it easy, laughed at how hard Baekhyun was working but to him, it was the only way to keep her out of his head, to stay awake and alert.

 

He was slipping out of reality, barely holding on to his surroundings. Baekhyun started to feel the delusions creeping onto him, and he knew he had lost it one day when he was having the usual lunch with Jongdae when he saw the young girl standing in line with a tray. Baekhyun squinted, disbelieving when she turned around to stare right at him with her wide eyes, ghostlike and void of her innocent green coloured pupils.

 

It was a horror. A terror that tore Baekhyun's sanity into pieces.

 

Jongdae had dragged Baekhyun away from the canteen, the scarred boy trembling and muttering _“I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry”_ under his breath continuously. There were shivers running down his spine, the image of the girl standing right there in the middle of his reality greeted him whenever he tried to close his eyes and breathe.

 

Baekhyun was brought forward to Leader Jinki, with his eyes shaking, unable to focus on anything. Jongdae was shaking his head at the boy, clutching tightly on his arm, worry laced in his gaze, “He was screaming bloody murder in the middle of the canteen. Do something with him, sir.”

 

Baekhyun was ready to blame it on the stress from all of the training he had been doing for three weeks. His mouth had parted even, but Leader Jinki cut him off, interrupted him,“It's the girl, isn't it?”

 

He didn't have it in him to shake his head at Leader Jinki, to lie and pretend that he was okay with the obvious sleepless rings around his eyes, to smile and act like there was nothing to worry about at all.

 

And so, Baekhyun nodded, surrendering to the girl. His shoulders drooped with the exhaustion of the lack of sleep through the three weeks. He could almost feel her at the edge of his mind, feel her breathing into his ears with the same plea in her voice on that night, feel her soul brightening his insides with guilt. Baekhyun pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth and tasted the bitterness of blood.

 

“Baekhyun, do you know why you had to kill her?” Leader Jinki had asked, linking his fingers before leaning his chin atop of it.

 

Baekhyun did a slight shake of his head, and Leader Jinki continued, “You saved her from the imminent death of the Eaton virus*.”

 

He tilted his head, surveying the look on Leader Jinki's features. The leader had lines of his own exhaustion on his face, but he never let it show through his neutral expressions, suppressed problems of his own barely bursting through the surface.

 

The same leader studied Baekhyun, a smile slowly taking form on his lips.

 

“I understand it was your first time,” Leader Jinki admonished, the smile barely there. “But sacrifice is crucial in this life, Baekhyun. You cannot shy away from death, you bear such a gift.”

 

Baekhyun remained quiet, letting Leader Jinki's words sink in, set ink onto his skin for him to brush his fingers against over and over again. It would become another excuse to escape sleep again.

 

“We'll alter your schedule to add more simulations so you can practice your powers more,” Leader Jinki broke the gaze when Baekhyun didn't respond, flipping through a few papers on his desk. “In the meantime, head down to the infirmary and get a prescription for sleeping pills. That'll stop the bad dreams.”

 

He left Leader Jinki's office, feeling lightheaded and buzzed from the fright he had gone through. The visual of it was poking at the corners of his mind but he couldn't give in, not so easily. Baekhyun slumped all the way to the infirmary, mumbling to the nurse about a prescription on sleeping pills, eyes feeling undeniably exhausted and sleepy at the moment. He could have passed out on the floor and taken refuge underneath the nurse's table to sleep through an entire week, to catch up on all the dreams he had missed out.

 

Baekhyun wished that it had been that simple to erase the girl from his mind.

 

But Baekhyun knew it would be _her_ waiting behind his eyes, in the darkness where she was most powerful and Baekhyun was the weakest.

 

Baekhyun had left the infirmary that day with sleeping pills tucked into his pockets. Even with the sleeping pills in his hands, Baekhyun questioned if they could even work. The words that had left Jinki's lips slipped into his mind again, puzzling him further. He glanced downwards at his own hands, the same hands bearing the power to take a life, and he wondered at the time how it was seen as a gift.

 

It may be a gift at most but Baekhyun would sacrifice the 'gift' in a heartbeat, just to be seen as human.

 

* * *

 

 

 

(The nightmares stopped. The memory remained, haunting as ever.)

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you not going to stop testing his patience?” Baekhyun's voice booms through the training room as soon as he steps foot in it, his arms swinging the jacket around to slip them through the holes. He pulls on the sleeves tight, making sure that they fit snugly to his wrists.

 

The feeling of belonging somewhere returns to his limbs, dressed in the same cerulean blue uniform as everyone, and not the isolating pitch black uniform to enter simulations everyday with Sehun and practising till hours passed by in reality, coming back to darkness as well.

 

He sends a glance over to the middle of the room where Yoongi has Taehyung in a choke hold, his forearm digging into Taehyung's neck. If Baekhyun dares to look closely, he could see the red lines of asphyxiation on Taehyung's skin.

 

“Hyung!” Taehyung croaks out miraculously at Baekhyun. Yoongi is grinning from ear to ear, his gums peeking out along with his canines, as the younger boy struggles in his tight grasp. “Help me out here.”  


Baekhyun pretends to consider, tapping his forefinger against his chin. A wicked smirk blooms on his lips, cheekiness peeking out. He shrugs, “Handle him yourself. I'm not here to clean your mess up.”

 

Somehow, Taehyung is able to whine Baekhyun's name and he laughs before he merely touches Taehyung, a pat on his wrist with a bit of light. It goes straight to Taehyung's eyes, Baekhyun can see the brightening of his irises, his pupils widening in surprise at the sudden energy rush. Yoongi momentarily loses his balance as Taehyung knocks his elbow backwards into Yoongi's ribs and he takes advantage of Yoongi's loss of dominance to scurry away from him.

 

Sehun scoffs at Taehyung's retreating back, “Fight someone your own size, Tae. Yoongi is way out of your league.”

 

He had been sitting by the archery targets and picking fun at the arrows that Soojung had been trying to shoot with. Soojjung merely tolerates it all, pulling the arrows out of the dartboard, all narrowly missing the bullseye due to Sehun's playful tricks. Baekhyun catches the glint in Sehun's eyes and suppresses the laugh from bubbling out.

 

Yoongi hums, ignoring the cries and whines from Taehyung, “I like the way you think, Sehun.”

 

Baekhyun snorts, walking over to Soojung, grabbing a bow and a sheath of arrows for himself. He leans against his bow, flitting an eyebrow upwards. “Sehun thinks?” Baekhyun jests and he inhales a gust of dust all of a sudden, coughing and doubling over. He can hear the string of giggles slipping out of Sehun's lips a few meters away.

 

“Oh, you think you're so sly for playing dirty,” Baekhyun locks eyes with Sehun, fingers tapping against his thigh, glowing. He slips an illusion through Sehun's vision, manipulating with the light surrounding him, bathing his vision in pit darkness instead. Baekhyun drinks in the satisfaction when he sees a panicky expression taking form on Sehun's features, eyes further widened as if the light would return to him in that manner.

 

“Byun Baekhyun, give me back my sight!” Sehun hisses out, hands clawing at the air in attempt to feel something in the darkness he is witnessing.

 

Soojung claps onto Baekhyun's shoulder, non-stop laughter leaving her lips. His own shoulders are shaking from laughter as everyone in the training room shares giggles and amusement over Baekhyun's prank.

 

Baekhyun shortly laughs, “I didn't take your sight, Sehunnie.” He snaps his fingers, the glow leaving his fingertips and returning the light to Sehun's eyes, brightening his vision. “I merely darkened it for you. How was it?”

 

Sehun's gaze pierces through the air, “One day, I will kill you.”

 

Soojung pipes up next to Baekhyun, with a snorting laugh. “With what? Dust storms?” she quips.

 

It sends the entire room into giggles again and this time, Baekhyun doubles over in laughter. When Baekhyun lifts his eyes upwards, meeting Sehun's across the room, he sees a few tears tinkling at the corners of Sehun's eyes and his mouth pulled back in a grin, laughing along with everyone. Relief washes down in Baekhyun's being, and he coughs out, feeling his stomach pulled at the corners from laughing too much.

 

“You won't be laughing when you're breathing in dust,” Sehun manages to say whilst laughing, the threat holding lesser weight with his gaze.

 

The room transitions into their own divided conversations and Baekhyun eyes the bow at his side, sighing as he pulls an arrow from the sheath. He arches the bow string, putting the arrow in place, and walks over to his desired target, a dart board stuck to the dummy. The room slowly falls away into silence as Baekhyun watches the arrow shoot through the air. He feels the shift in the air, the wind changing the direction of the arrow to hit right on the bullseye.

 

Baekhyun swivels around, catching Sehun's gaze with a salute directed at him. A smirk lifts the corners of Sehun's lips and Baekhyun rolls his eyes, trudging over to the target and pulling the arrow out of the bullseye.

 

Sehun calls out, voice echoing in the training room, “You look like you needed help with shooting arrows. Thought I'd help.”

 

Baekhyun resists the urge to rolls his eyes again and answers back, voice equally loud as Sehun's, “I don't need your help in anything.”

 

Yoongi chuckles from the corner of the room where he resorts to being a boxing target for Taehyung's try-hard punches. His eyes are twinkling with amusement, gaze sweeping over Sehun and Baekhyun, “You two are worse than Taehyung and I.”

 

Baekhyun scrunches his nose, disgust hinted in the tone of his voice, “We are nothing like you and Taehyung. The two of you are buzzing with unresolved sexual tension.”

 

Taehyung stops his punches mid-way whilst Yoongi parts his lips, probably to deny all speculations of sort, but Baekhyun knows better. He has seen how Yoongi is with Taehyung when they think they're alone, his eyes intensifying even more with underlying words. Baekhyun presses his lips together, hiding the smile, when Jongdae bursts into the training room, interrupting Yoongi and relieving all of them from hearing any denial coming out of his lying mouth.

 

“Did I miss all the bickering between Yoongi and Tae?” Jongdae's eyes survey the room in mild interest.

 

A look of impudence crosses over Jongdae's features, eyebrows raising when he fixates on Baekhyun's figure and Baekhyun ignores him, arching the bowstring once more and shooting arrows consecutively. He keeps narrowly missing the bullseye and this time, he can't tell if Sehun's messing with him or he has really lost his touch at archery after numerous, repetitive simulations.

 

His fingers feel sore, raw, from gripping onto his bow. Baekhyun rolls his neck around, craning at certain angles and feeling the strain of the muscles. He pushes his shoulders back and takes a deep breath, grabbing all of the arrows wasted on the target. Baekhyun fixes his posture, eyes the target and releases a shuddering breath at the same time he releases the arrow from the string, flying through the air and hitting just below the bullseye.

 

Baekhyun frowns, the ends of his mouth turning downwards, a pout formed on his bottom lip. He can't even hear the others now as he surveys the target in front of him. All commotion fades out and he grips another arrow too tightly, feeling frustration pile up in his heart from the lack of practice.

 

He exhales all too loudly, refusing to let the exasperation get to his head. Baekhyun knows the simulations have paid off, all the days spent in an altered reality with Sehun studying him have finally led to him using his power well and understanding the notion behind the hands he's born with.

 

Yet, Baekhyun stands before the target dummy, frown still worn on his lips. He used to be able to shoot bullseyes all the time and he was a remarkable archer, alongside Soojung and Yoongi. He raises his voice, eyes not leaving the dummy, “Jongdae, will you help with my posture?”

 

“You're slouching,” Soojung helps instead. Sehun tries to lunge at her as she's momentarily distracted but the latter gets electrocuted instead when he touches Soojung's skin. Soojung scoffs at Sehun's impulsiveness before refocusing her line of vision at Baekhyun with a nod and an assuring smile.

 

Baekhyun pulls the string back, feeling the strain in the action. He channels his power and strength into the arrow, eyes squinting to try to aim at the bullseye at least once to end today's archery practice.

 

“Baekhyun-ah,” Jongdae's voice startles him and Baekhyun almost shoots the arrow into Jongdae's chest when he turns around in surprise. Jongdae instinctively jumps backwards at the threatening arrow positioned to aim at his chest, he narrows his eyes at Baekhyun before continuing, “You can come back and shoot arrows all afternoon. It's noon, time for lunch.”

 

Baekhyun lowers his stance and gently releases his hold on the bow before rubbing his cheek, feeling even more exasperated and irritated. “I can't,” he almost whines it out at Jongdae, the waves of exhaustion hitting the back of his shoulders as he remembers the entire morning, “Leader Jinki wants me to practice my powers with Major Sunyoung later.”

 

Jongdae rubs a sore spot on Baekhyun's shoulder, “Don't be too hard on yourself.”

 

“Just...” Baekhyun turns back to the dummy and raises his bow. He whispers, his lips rubbing against the bow string, “Just let me do it once more and we can head to lunch.”

 

He hears Jongdae step backwards and Baekhyun closes his eyes, channelling his strength once more into the arch of the bow string, his muscles straining from the posture he hasn't been doing for a while. He widens his eyes and releases the arrow at the same time he exhales.

 

Jongdae claps onto his shoulder, “You said one more and that was it, Baek.” He pulls the bow away from Baekhyun and returns the sheath of arrows to the equipment stall.

 

Baekhyun stares. There is a ringing in his ears, it is probably from the bells ringing from the clock, signalling lunch time. The ringing doesn't stop in his ears and he knows people are already shuffling out of the training room.

 

Jongdae tugs on Baekhyun's wrist, “C'mon, Baekhyun-ah.”

 

He listens, feet also shuffling alongside Jongdae's. He gulps, swallowing the taste of victory down. Baekhyun fights the urge to smile, keeping his head low.

 

_Bullseye._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The main menu is indeed meatloaf like what Leader Jinki had recommended to Sehun earlier. Baekhyun falls easily into the simplicity of mindless chatter with Jongdae, the back of his hand slapping Jongdae's arm as he attempts to make a joke about Soojung and Sehun.

 

“How was the simulation today?” Jongdae casually slips the question as he steps forward, the line moving in front of them. Baekhyun could see Jongdae's teeth sinking down on his bottom lip, out of nervousness he's sure.

 

Baekhyun raises his eyebrow, wondering about the change in the conversation. Jongdae has almost never asked about the simulations Baekhyun partake in with Sehun due to the fear of making Baekhyun uncomfortable. He once asked Baekhyun on the first day of his simulation practices and Baekhyun's expression was extremely sour, shaking the topic off as quickly as he could.

 

It wasn't Jongdae's fault for bringing it up; it was Baekhyun's moody temper regarding the fact that he needed to be 'fixed' and he needed to 'withstand the full strength of his power' before joining any field missions.

 

Baekhyun is not, in the least bit, broken. He is far from it.

 

Yet, memories of the little girl haunt his mind, a tainted crack in his foundation.

 

A corner of Baekhyun's mouth quirks up in response, chuckling, “It was okay.” He shrugs for added effect, “Sehunnie told Leader Jinki that I improved so there's that.”

 

Jongdae's eyes widen, mouth falling open and Baekhyun suppresses the urge to laugh at the comical reaction. Instead, he nods towards the line, signalling for Jongdae to move. He closes his mouth immediately and turns his gaze away to continue moving in the queue.

 

“Is that why Leader Jinki has other plans for you this afternoon?” Jongdae whispers as they approach the lunch ladies, holding out the tray.

 

He perks up at the lunch lady serving him, a catty smile fixed and most probably practised on his face. The lunch lady merely groans out the lunch options of the day, not even sparing Jongdae a glance longer than two seconds. Baekhyun bites on the inside of his cheek, refraining himself from laughing. Jongdae's smile falls slightly, he maintains it still while requesting for the hot favourite of the day, the meatloaf.

 

As they inch away from the lunch ladies, heading towards the table at the back, right underneath the swirling fan, Baekhyun catches Sehun's eyes over at his table with Soojung and Taehyung. Baekhyun sends a smile in his direction. Sehun remains stoic-faced.

 

Once Baekhyun settles down, his tray barely hitting the surface of the cool plastic table, Jongdae jumps on him again, repeating his question.

 

Baekhyun sighs, grabbing his carton of apple juice from his barely full tray. He pokes the straw through the hole and ignores the earnest and expectant look on his best friend's face. He sips on the apple juice, face scrunching up at the sour taste.

 

Baekhyun replies, running his tongue over the roof of his mouth over and over, ridding himself of the sourness, “I don't know.” His answer is honest.

 

He really doesn't know what Leader Jinki has in store for him.

 

The thing about Leader Jinki and in the years of knowing him, Baekhyun realises that the leader has always been unpredictable with his decisions.They could have been simply impulsive and an aftermath of thinking on the spot or being thought over with the cabinet and many other officials whose names Baekhyun can't be bothered with learning. He has no idea. Baekhyun merely carries his orders out, sometimes rebels against them to see what kind of trouble he gets himself in (and he has been dealt various punishments, none of them as crippling and frightening as Baekhyun thought they'd be), and listens to the leader's opinionated views on his powers.

 

With these thoughts running through his mind, Baekhyun diverts his focus from the concern in Jongdae's eyes to the food laid out on his grey tray. He picks up his eating utensils and begins picking at the meatloaf, poking around at it. The loud chatter from the rest of the canteen drones out Jongdae's talkativeness and the combined eating sounds from both of them.

 

“ _Y'know, you should be careful. I heard Major Sunyoung can be cheerful but she is quite scary when she is serious.”_

 

“ _There is a field mission coming up. I hope this time, it isn't in the woods again. Maybe a village or something. Hey remember when we worked alongside the navy? Oh... sorry, you weren't there.”_

 

“ _This meatloaf is so stale. I miss my mother's cooking.”_

 

“ _You can come back home with me again on our next break. I'll make sure to ask Leader Jinki this time so that my mother can feed us with better food.”_

 

“ _Baekhyun, hey, you're listening, right?”_

 

Baekhyun nods absent-mindedly, mouth robotically chewing on a piece of broccoli. He could feel Jongdae's visible exhale of relief and he tries to shut the dizziness out from his head.

 

The lights. So many lights. Bright. Stronger than humans. Tempting.

 

His stomach still feels utterly empty when he throws the remains into the trash and places the tray on top of the bin. He continues to suck on the straw of his juice carton, sipping on the last remains of the apple juice. The sourness is probably going to linger afterwards but nothing is sourer than the mood he has gotten himself in.

 

“C'mon,” Jongdae suddenly pulls on the curve of his elbow. He is smiling and Baekhyun can almost feel the light breathing in his best friend. It is tinged with sparks of lightning and Baekhyun is sure that if he tried to reach into him, he could get hurt. “You've got to freshen up for later.”

 

Baekhyun doesn't argue, merely lets Jongdae whisk him away from the canteen. His heart relaxes as he is drawn away from the cafeteria. Fatigue creeps into the corners of his eyes. He does need to freshen up and get a change of attitude. Baekhyun despises the sensitive nature of his heart, curses himself for turning the white clouds into stormy ones. He feels sorry for Jongdae for keeping up with his ridiculous antics.

 

Baekhyun closes his eyes momentarily, led by Jongdae's tight grip on his elbow, filling the boy with his entire trust for a second.

 

He is done with feeling apologetic for things that he could change.

 

Baekhyun has to learn to develop a more reckless and careless nature. He finds his thoughts drifting to his roommate, Sehun, who is impulsive and never lets himself care about remotely anything. A feeling of envy blossoms in his heart and Baekhyun wishes to live with that kind of mindset.

 

To be in full control of his heart and not care about anything. What a selfish way to live.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Are you sure this will work?”

 

Major Sunyoung stands before him, her smile unwavering ever since the session started. It has been close to half an hour now and Baekhyun has been asking the same question, inquiring about the sanity and safety of it all. It is pretty hypocritical, coming from a troublemaker like him, but the power that lies in his hands isn't a minimal thing to pull strings at and try out.

 

When he first stepped into the private training room today, he wasn't exactly sure what he was expecting, but he was surely not expecting a frail woman most likely in her early 20s, standing in the middle of it.

 

Major Sunyoung is a part of the first generation of the M.A. She has been infamous for her brilliant work at light manipulation and light illusions. The army personally keeps her hidden but close enough to the battleground to witness everything. She would keep an eye out for soldiers struggling in fights, casts random but dark illusions to the opposite side. The illusions she casts are said to feel so real at once that victims struggle to keep a grasp on reality and confuse between the real and the not real.

 

Baekhyun has watched videos of her practice sessions with a few other soldiers in training, showcasing the depth of her powers. Leader Jinki had shown them on the projector in his office, and it kept Baekhyun fascinated with the light swimming through the gaps of her fingers.

 

In videos, she seems to hold her head higher and herself stronger, but in reality, Baekhyun finds himself face to face with a woman inches shorter than him. The fire of determination still burns bright in those brown irises, that is a similarity Baekhyun recognises from the videos he has watched.

 

As soon as her eyes set on him, the smile grows wider on her lips and stays there throughout as she explains the basis of light manipulation to Baekhyun. There is a cheerful tone to her voice like Jongdae had said earlier and it makes Major Sunyoung seem younger, harmless even.

 

“I heard you have done it earlier during a training,” Major Sunyoung says, eyes searching his for something.

 

Baekhyun lifts his shoulders and lets them drop in a shrug, “I just tricked Sehun into believing he was stripped of his vision. He fell for it.”

 

Major Sunyoung looks at him closely, “You do know how difficult it is, right?” She leans back, shoulders rolling back in confidence and arms folding in front of her chest. “Light bearers can't easily do it even if they try. It takes a lot of practice.”

 

Baekhyun's quiet, he doesn't know what to answer to that. He hadn't known the difficulty behind it, had easily thought that the simplest illusion is easy to plant in front of someone's eyes. It hadn't been draining to him, even, and Baekhyun may be one to brag, but this time, he doesn't mean to boast at all.

 

“What's your secret, Byun Baekhyun?” Major Sunyoung has a look of pure curiosity swimming in her irises, scrutinising. Her voice sounds earnest, even intrigued at the mere thought.

 

But Baekhyun doesn't have an answer, all he can offer is a dumbfounded expression and an apology at the tip of his tongue.

 

Major Sunyoung simply rolls her eyes, commanding him, “Hurry up and do it. We don't have all day.”

 

Baekhyun swallows his protests down. He should have listened to Jongdae earlier and taken the word of warning more seriously, because his best friend was right. Major Sunyoung can be scary when she is serious, even with that smile maintained on her small mouth.

 

He flutters his eyes closed to settle his thoughts, properly rearrange them from the disarray before. He calms his heart into a steady beat, compiles his nerves into a box and locks it away before it can disrupt his powers. Baekhyun breathes a mantra in and out in steady gusts of air, channelling the light from deep within, grabbing tightly onto the strength it holds and absorbing it fully to the brim. It fills Baekhyun's being with a certain kind of power, stunning him with the immense energy.

 

Baekhyun blinks his eyes open, buzzing with adrenaline. Major Sunyoung nods at him, her gaze more determined than before, if possible. He feels himself reaching outwards and lightly grasping the light within Major Sunyoung. He hears the sharp intake of breath leaving Major Sunyoung's lips, and Baekhyun trudges on upwards to grab onto the line of her vision.

 

Baekhyun can feel the thinness of her vision, the defense barrier she built up over it, the sharpness of her sight. He also feels the light brimming at the end of it, brighter than the one he's seen on Sehun's. It is almost like it's breathing with its own life, Baekhyun observes.

 

 _There is a light,_ Baekhyun thinks without processing the thoughts clearly as he fixates on the light he finds. _And I'm going to take it._

 

He hears Major Sunyoung choke out a _“No!”_ , all too reminiscent of the days spent in the simulation room, all too reminiscent of the young girl's life he has taken away. It hits Baekhyun, rippling against him with sudden force and realisation, that he is grasping her soul.

 

Baekhyun lets go quickly, stepping backwards in shock. He averts his gaze to the hands connected to his body, the tips of his fingers are illuminating with a bright yellow. He absent-mindedly walks over to Major Sunyoung, head still dizzy from the shock, and taps her skin lightly. His eyes are glazed over but he watches, fascinated with the transfer of the light into her skin, making it glow for a few seconds before disappearing within.

 

Major Sunyoung gasps, hands shooting out to steady herself by gripping onto Baekhyun's shoulders. Her chin jerks upwards and for a second, Baekhyun sees a tinge of fear in the corner of her brown eyes. It disappears as quickly as it comes so he isn't sure if he imagined it at all or he was looking into the reflection of his own emotions in her irises.

 

The gravity of the moment shoots Baekhyun in the head, dizzying him.

 

“You...” Major Sunyoung says but that's the only word that leaves her lips. Baekhyun looks up at Sunyoung, eyes distracted. She takes two deep breaths before letting go of Baekhyun's shoulders and refocuses her gaze on him, this time with the same fire from earlier.

 

“You are so powerful,” she whispers and it bounces off the room, bathing it in its echo. The words send a shiver down Baekhyun's spine, his pupils enlarging at the meaning behind it, his tongue growing slack in his mouth, speechless from the expression on her features.

 

It's the first time someone has said that about the power he bears on his shoulders, feels through his veins, projects through his hands. It is the first time someone has looked at him with a certain fusion of admiration and fear. It is the first time someone has ever deemed him as a powerful being.

 

Baekhyun shakes his head in disagreement, “Maybe you need to lie your head down.”

 

Major Sunyoung's eyes are wide and her fingernails dig into Baekhyun's arms when she grabs onto him. She stares into his eyes for a while, examining. He shrinks back, feeling uncomfortable with the attention, but she holds onto him.

 

“You have a gift,” Major Sunyoung croons, awe slipping into her soft voice. There is amazement in her eyes and Baekhyun can't look away for some reason, lets her hold on to him.

 

It is immensely strong. The power surging through him, from both the light and the look in Sunyoung's irises. He has never been blinded before but he feels like he could be by the combination of both his light and Sunyoung and Baekhyun wonders if it could overtake the world by storm.

 

“You have a gift, Baekhyun-ah,” she repeats once more with a purposeful edge to her voice, her fingernails digging into his skin even more, surely leaving marks that would sting under a cold shower. Her eyes are hardening, focusing.

 

“Use it well.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

Baekhyun can't sleep.

 

Sometimes Baekhyun just lives through the sleepless nights, sometimes he gives in to the pills tucked away in his drawer.

 

But tonight, he can't turn off the noise in his head.

 

He is sure he is probably annoying the hell out of Sehun, turning around repetitively in bed and the occasional irritated whines leaving his lips at past two in the morning. He knows this because he notices Sehun fidgeting in his sleep.

 

The problem is that he can't get the afternoon with Major Sunyoung out of his mind. He has been repeating her words over and over again, to understand the meaning behind it even though it should be already clear enough. Yet, Baekhyun doesn't give in, thinks there is more to it.

 

Byun Baekhyun is far from being powerful. Sure, he has the element of light as his power, he can take souls away with his bare hands and he can see in the dark, but that doesn't mean he _is_ powerful.

 

Major Sunyoung phrased her words wrongly, he is confident of it. Baekhyun knows others who bear far more dangerous and useful powers than him. Powers that could physically kill, powers to manipulate, powers to alter earth, powers that Baekhyun personally envies and wishes he could have instead. To say that he is powerful, when all of the other superpowers exist, is delusional.

 

When there are others like Yoongi (who has super human strength) and Taehyung (who literally shoots lasers out of his eyes), Baekhyun becomes nothing in comparison. A light that could be switched off as easily as it is switched on. A light that could dim into nothingness. A light that could be cast out easily.

 

“Hyung, no offense but could you take your problems outside?” Sehun chides and squirms around, turning over in bed to send a glare in Baekhyun's direction. Baekhyun responses with a cheeky smile, fatigue at the corners of his lips. “I'm trying to sleep and you are noisy.”

 

Baekhyun argues, offended even though he had been expecting this kind of reaction from Sehun, “I'm not even making any noise at all.”

 

There is a frown on Sehun's features, his eyes fluttering closed, as he answers, grumbling, “You are right now.”

 

Baekhyun huffs in defeat, “Fine.” He grabs one of his pillows and slips on his shoes. He wears his jacket, pulling on it tightly to keep the cold out.

 

Baekhyun shuffles out of the room. For someone so young like Sehun, he is extremely grumpy about his beauty sleep. He doesn't even need it that much when he takes naps in between trainings and classes. Baekhyun curses the younger softly to himself outside of the door and curses the cold for coming in droplets of rain during the summer while he's at it.

 

He finds himself dragging his feet over to the basement, narrowly missing a few privates on night duty. He takes the staircase, trying to take light footsteps on the metal steps, hoping that it doesn't echo in the middle of the night during a storm. Baekhyun may be rebellious and courageous in the face of a punishment, but he doesn't exactly welcome them.

 

Baekhyun drags open the cemented door to the basement. He steps in, smelling the nostalgic scent of dust and cold metal of the arms and weaponry kept there. He drags the door closed, wishing it wouldn't make a croaking sound at all. The last thing he needs is soldiers piling into the basement and holding a gun to his head, assuming he barged in with ill intentions concerning the weaponry surrounding him now.

 

He couldn't care less about the grenades and the bullets packed in triples. Baekhyun is here for the solidarity and peace from the noise of all the lights buzzing in their sleep upstairs.

 

Baekhyun takes a seat in the middle of it all, facing the small windows. It barely gives him any insight on the world outside, but he hears it clearly anyway. The rain storms down heavily outside, droplets dotting the windows in their drained despair. He is almost drawn to the melancholy of the storm going on, drawn to the idea of drowning his screams out in the booming thunder, drawn to the splattered footsteps made of rainwater mixed with soil.

 

He stares at his lap, the thoughts returning to him in a whoosh. His hands glow lightly, and he squeezes out a ball of light. Baekhyun picks it apart, drawing strings from the ball of light like an actual ball of yarn. It takes a fluid form around his fingers as he plays around with the strings. Baekhyun watches sleepily at the dimming of the light, the sudden brightening when he pushes more strength into it. He doesn't feel the drain, the choke coming to him. It urges him on, to breathe more power into the fuse.

 

 _Is this what Major Sunyoung means by being powerful?_ Baekhyun wonders in the midst of restlessness and sleepiness. _Being filled with so much energy to probably last a millennium?_

 

A string of light drops, loose and flimsy from his thumb. Baekhyun pulls on it tight enough so that it comes away in one long string of light. It dims further as he lets out a yawn, sleepiness edging in the corneas of his eyes more. Maybe that's what he needed. A breakaway from the quarters upstairs to bask in his loneliness on a stormy night.

 

“Feeling sentimental, hyung?” a familiar, snarky voice pops up out of nowhere and it startles Baekhyun, the string of light diminishing into nothing. He swivels around to find the source of the sudden disturbance and needless to say, he isn't at all surprised with the face he sees.

 

Sehun struts over to him, plopping down next to him. Not too close but not too far either. Close enough that Baekhyun could feel his breath hitting him, far enough that Baekhyun doesn't feel entirely uncomfortable with it. Sehun leans on his elbows, already making himself comfortable in the basement next to Baekhyun. His eyes are lined with red lines of fatigue most likely and Baekhyun bites away the urge to apologise.

 

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun looks away and sighs. “Aren't you supposed to be having your beauty sleep?”

 

“Couldn't sleep after you left,” Sehun answers simply. Honesty has always been his kind of virtue, though Baekhyun doesn't see the positivity in it. “Feels uneasy, whatever.”

 

“Worried?” Baekhyun teases, shortly laughs at the thought of it, because there is no way Oh Sehun is capable of harbouring such emotions.

 

Sehun shrugs with his eyes still fixed on the windows above them. “Maybe.”

 

Baekhyun follows the line of his gaze and chuckles mostly to himself, but he feels the weight in that gaze, finds himself relating to Sehun's heavy gaze, “Wishing to get out there, Sehunnie?”

 

That's when Sehun's eyes cut to him, narrowing in curiosity, “Aren't you?”

 

Baekhyun slumps, folding his hands in his lap. He purses his lips and thinks of it. Baekhyun has been out two or three times, when Jongdae invites him over and he agrees to it once in a while. He barely goes out of Jongdae's house, staying indoors for two days and a night, before Leader Jinki sends him back, by the teleportation watch.

 

Baekhyun imagines his first time out alone as a breakout, slipping away from the hands of the M.A. and finding his family in the chaotic world outside. Maybe Baekhyun could see the world, explore every edge of the world. Maybe Baekhyun could simply settle down somewhere, anywhere at all, and live the life he never had the privilege of. Maybe...

 

“Maybe I could fix this amnesia of mine,” Baekhyun says out loud, nodding to himself as he ponders on the idea. It isn't too bad. The world has advanced so much, miracles could easily happen at the snap of fingers. “That's what I'd probably do when I get out there.”

 

He turns to Sehun who had been studying him with an expressionless face. He wonders about Sehun and what he does on breaks.

 

“How is visiting your family like?” Baekhyun raises his eyebrows, mostly expecting a snide remark or a closed off comment that never shows any redeeming qualities that Sehun could possess.

 

Sehun's gaze is unflinching, “Boring. Incomplete without my sister.”

 

“I'd like to find my sister.” Sehun suddenly says. He finally breaks the eye contact, sighing out loud and running a hand through his blonde locks, visibly exasperated. “I haven't seen her ever since I was ten. Mum says she left the household to pursue her dreams.”

 

 

Baekhyun listens, entranced to an idea of a family of his own living out there in the world. He briefly entertains himself with a visual of Sehun's family. Would his sister be blonde too or is her hair darker than Sehun's hair? Baekhyun leans back on his elbows, bathing himself in the wonder of the outside world. With his luck, he could probably find a relative or two of his out there. Maybe none at all.

 

Sehun frowns, breathing out noisily through his nostrils, nostalgia slipping into his voice, “I miss her.”

 

Baekhyun looks closer, still staying on his end of the line, and can see a few tears prickling Sehun's eyes and this time, it isn't out of laughter. It's the closest he has been to seeing Sehun emotional, having lived with the younger boy monitoring his powers in simulations, devoid of any human emotions.

 

“How is she like?” Baekhyun asks, genuinely interested in knowing the sibling of Sehun.

 

Sehun's chin jerks upwards, alarmed at the thought of Baekhyun inquiring further. Soon, the look of shock ebbs away into a soft expression of fondness when his lips part to babble about his older sister.

 

“She's as lovely as she can be. A bit tough at first but when you get to know her, she's nice.”

 

Baekhyun hums, resting the curve of his cheek against the palm of his right hand, “I'm sure she is.”

 

In the years of knowing Oh Sehun, from the time he set foot in his room, declaring that he is Baekhyun's roommate, to the time now when Baekhyun probably wouldn't know how to sleep through a night without having to listen to the long drawls of his snores during his deep sleep, they've had their share of bickering and heartfelt talks though it has been heavier on Baekhyun's side, babbling more and more while the younger listens intently. Though, on the surface, Sehun does seem as tough as how he described his sister. Cold-looking with a little intensity on the eyes, but Baekhyun had to dig close to the core of him to find the true self beneath the facade.

 

Baekhyun hadn't known how to befriend a person like Oh Sehun back then, merely continued directing friendly smiles at the younger boy and pretended as if the glare didn't faze him a little bit.

 

Now, looking upon Sehun, Baekhyun can't even remember a time where he doesn't see that signature lopsided smile of his around him. He has two things to potentially blame it on; the presence of Jung Soojung in Sehun's life or simply maturity.

 

For Sehun's sake, Baekhyun hopes it's the combination of both.

 

Silence gradually falls upon them as they gaze, wide-eyed at the storm ongoing outside. The walls may protect Baekhyun from the looming storm but he would rather be drenched in cold, heavy rain than be surrounded by the packs of bullets and various types of guns.

 

“She used to fight middle schoolers for me when they made fun of my lisp,” Sehun reminisces out loud, the adoration clear in his irises.

 

“You have a lisp?” Baekhyun cocks his head at him.

 

“I used to,” Sehun corrects himself. His eyes had widened immensely into a look of panic, realising what he had said a few seconds ago.

 

“Really?”

 

Sehun turns to him sharply, but he stops mid-way and visibly slouches, relenting, “It comes out when I'm nervous sometimes.”

 

Baekhyun makes an 'o' with his mouth, nodding at Sehun as he lets the new information seep in. “I had no idea,” is all Baekhyun can say, hoping it'll lessen the burden of Sehun's conflicting emotions between keeping it secret and letting him know.

 

“Soojung was the only one who knew,” Sehun replies softly, chuckling.

 

Baekhyun laughs out loud, the tension dissipates between them and he can see Sehun visibly relaxing into the atmosphere. He smiles to himself, finding newfound admiration for the younger boy next to him.

 

“I just want to be out there,” Baekhyun pipes up, switching the focus of their conversation. He points at the windows, witnessing the lightning send a line in a shape of a zig zag across the sky, illuminating the world in a bright flash for a second. “I could run, drive a car to the nearest mart. Heck, I could even fall in love.”

 

“Fall in love?” Sehun exclaims in surprise and bursts out laughing at the sound of it. Baekhyun turns to him, slightly offended that Sehun finds it funny. He is clutching his stomach, prolonging the fit of giggles. “I didn't peg you for a hopeless romantic.”

 

Baekhyun hits Sehun's arm as harshly as he can.“I'm not hopeless!” Baekhyun mutters the rest out under his breath as he refuses to give Sehun the satisfaction, “Nor am I exactly a romantic.”

 

“Oh you're not?” Sehun manages to say through his laughter, ears picking up on Baekhyun's muttered words. Baekhyun frowns, lines formed around his eyebrows in a furrow. Sehun ignores it, ignores him. He straightens from doubling over in giggles, an amused smile still tickling the shape of his lips. “I was about to say that if you were, it wouldn't be surprising.”

 

“Oh Sehun, you are weird,” Baekhyun squints his eyes at the younger boy, breathing out noisily through his nostrils when Sehun keeps smiling. He slowly lets his eyes closed, feeling the hint of a smile on his own lips.

 

The sleepiness takes Baekhyun away into dreamland, his head slowly descends to the concreted floor of the basement, baskin in the coldness of the night but not without the younger boy bending the direction of the wind so that they don't get too cold.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Training practice starts off this morning.

 

A first for Baekhyun in a long time, ever since the simulations have taken over his mornings.

 

Jongdae had burst through the doors again this morning but this time with more of a panicked expression on his features. It almost distracts Baekhyun from hitting the target but this time, he can't give in to Jongdae's ridicules. He has his own targets to hit, he has to sharpen his archery skills once more. Soojung is scanning over his every move, criticism and feedback prepared at the tip of her tongue. And so, Baekhyun merely turns back to the dummy, getting ready to arch the bow string once more, ignoring the visible panic in Jongdae's figure.

 

Screaming at Baekhyun doesn't help so Jongdae physically stops him with force, hand covering the circle of his wrist and tugging him backwards. The arrow releases from the bow, though poorly aimed so it hits the floor close after flying in the air for two seconds.

 

Furious, Baekhyun begins to retaliate, his other hand lifting to punch Jongdae away from him but the spark of lightning hits him on the knuckles, shocking him through his veins, weakening his senses and powers, knees almost buckling to the floor. Sehun looks over in interest, as Baekhyun's eyes enlarge at Jongdae's sudden actions.

 

Whilst he and Jongdae are known for their notorious pranks and schemes, Baekhyun has never seen Jongdae act so impulsively with him at all or in general. (That is more of Sehun's thing; the impulsiveness.) The boy is known to be playful yet still careful with his movements.

 

Baekhyun parts his lips to ask what the fuck is wrong with his best friend when Jongdae shushes him and says the next few words that baffle Baekhyun's mind until he forcibly drags him out of the training hall with everyone's eyes following them out with the same bafflement on their features.

 

“ _Seungwan asked for you, she can't stop saying your name.”_

 

Baekhyun merely drops his bow, following Jongdae through the haze of mild puzzlement and intrigue. He finally gets to think clearly, a few turns after the training hall, after the realisation sinks in that he doesn't have a single clue about the girl. He has met her through Jongdae, his best friend introducing Seungwan as the girl he was partnered with for a mission that Baekhyun wasn't in. Besides a few light conversations about cafeteria food and jesting at the way Jongdae can't throw a knife accurately at a target, Baekhyun realises he doesn't even know the girl personally.

 

So, Baekhyun asks, “What's wrong with Seungwan?”

 

Jongdae answers, huffing and panting in exhaustion, his fingers are still curled around the curve of Baekhyun's elbow, “She's a telepath and she's kind of having a fit right now.”

 

Baekhyun voices out the question that has been tearing at his mind ever since Jongdae told him what's going on, “Why me?”

 

Jongdae glances back at Baekhyun for a moment and there is actual fear written on his best friend's features. He realises with a pang that it is fear _for_ him as Jongdae answers, “I don't know.”

 

He was still pondering on the heels of his shoes, barely paying attention to Jongdae unlocking the door to Seungwan's room with the key card he was given with to use for roll calls.

 

So now, he stands before Seungwan, at the foot of her bed. Baekhyun uncomfortably watches as the small-framed girl, who is in an even more uncomfortable state, clutches onto her bed sheets, gritting her teeth and fighting the demons of her nightmare. There are beads of perspiration lining the girl's temples in midst of the fight she's undergoing.

 

He surveys her face instead, noticing the red flush on her cheeks and the long eyelashes hitting the apples of her cheeks in a sleep. She is pretty, and Baekhyun doesn't miss how Jongdae stares at the girl with more concern than may be socially acceptable as friends or acquaintances.

 

However, Jongdae was indeed not lying because the girl has been screaming out, asking for the location of Byun Baekhyun, inquiring about him. The fear in Seungwan's voice strikes at Baekhyun's heart, bathing him in a moment of fright.

 

Baekhyun wonders briefly if it's his face plastered on the demon of her nightmares.

 

Baekhyun dimisses the thought at once, because he doesn't want to know the answer to that at all.

 

Seungwan suddenly stops moving and Baekhyun has a split second of panic when her chest stops moving but soon enough, she starts breathing again. Slow and quiet snores leave her lips and the movement under her eyelids is rapid once more though not as intense as during the bad dream before. Her grip on the sheets loosens and calmness passes over the girl on the bed.

 

Jongdae leans forward, his hand rubbing against hers in an attempt to wake her up. He greets her softly, as gently as possible, “Seungwan-ah.” There is movement behind her eyelids again. “Wake up, you're going to be late to training.”

 

There is a light flutter of her eyelashes and she opens them slowly. She immediately closes her eyes again, probably from the blinding light above her. Baekhyun glances upwards before reaching his hand outwards to catch a hold of the light in the bulb and dimming it a bit more. Jongdae throws him a look of gratitude before turning back to Seungwan.

 

“Seungwan-ah, wake up,” Jongdae tries again, leaning even more forward now, thumb tapping on Seungwan's hand lightly.

 

The girl opens her eyes again, and finds that it is easier to keep them open due to the comfortable brightness of the light in the room. Her eyes automatically searches the room and sets on Jongdae's figure. A smile blossoms on her lips out of familiarity and relief, then, her eyes cross over to Baekhyun who stands there with a friendly grin, hoping to not scare her off with his sudden presence in her room.

 

“Byun Baekhyun,” she breathes out and it startles Baekhyun to hear the hint of admiration and awe in her voice.

 

It feels all too familiar alongside what he went through with Major Sunyoung last afternoon. Seungwan sits up, hand rubbing at her head then at her cheek in a state of drowsiness after a long sleep. Baekhyun rubs at his arms, feeling entirely too mundane and awkward in a room with a telepath who could read every single thought passing through his head.

 

“I could read your mind but that doesn't mean I'm exploiting your mind,” Seungwan explains with a laugh, having read Baekhyun's previous thought. The girl squirming around in the bed is now long gone, sitting on the bed instead with a bright and cheerful smile. “I can tune out the thoughts, that's how I stay sane. Most of the time,” she adds the last sentence, chuckling softly to herself like an inside joke she kept within her and herself alone.

 

Baekhyun smiles at the sight of a bubbly personality in Seungwan. If he concentrates, he can feel it; the ball of light shimmering in her core. He wonders if she could tune into one mind. Something passes over Seungwan's eyes, he observes mid-thought, and she gives him a knowing smile, answering his question with a smirk.

 

Jongdae still has concern in his eyes and Baekhyun isn't surprised, considering what they have witnessed just a few moments ago. He pats Seungwan's shoulder, causing her to look up at him curiously.

 

He bites his lip and Baekhyun notices the nervousness wrecking through Jongdae's body, his voice low and filled with worry, “Are you okay? I heard you...” Jongdae throws a side-way glance at Baekhyun, hesitating. “I heard you calling out for Baekhyun.”

 

A few second passes, and Seungwan blinks at Jongdae, looking clueless. She tilts her head at both of them, eyes darting between Jongdae and Baekhyun, “I have no idea what you're trying to say.”

 

“You were having one of your fits earlier,” Jongdae sighs out, even more concerned at Seungwan's loss of memory.

 

Seungwan shakes her head, her red curls bouncing, her shoulders shrugging as if whatever Jongdae and Baekhyun witnessed was an illusion, a trick of light. “I don't remember anything...” Seungwan trails off, her bunny teeth sinking down onto her bottom lip, as she tries to remember, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

 

Baekhyun feels helpless suddenly, feeling out of place in a stranger's room. He peers at Jongdae, catching his eye, and he shrugs as well.

 

“Maybe I'm not needed at all,” Baekhyun chuckles awkwardly, he passes a look at his best friend before looking at the girl seated on her bed. His canines peek out in his grin, eyes crinkling, “Nice seeing you again, Seungwan. Though, I'd prefer us having lunch to... this weird circumstance.”

 

Seungwan throws her hands up, laughing, “Hey, no big deal.” There is something amusing to her and it shows in her wide grin directed at him. “Nothing like a fateful reunion of me supposedly calling out for you in the middle of my fit.”

 

“Unique,” is all Baekhyun says, jesting and poking fun at the situation along with Seungwan. His eyes are glinting, even more amused by the red-haired telepath.

 

Jongdae, on the other hand, is unnerved by it, even when they both leave Seungwan alone in the room to ready herself for the day. They both stroll back to the training hall, Baekhyun skipping in his steps and humming off pitch and Jongdae worrying over the situation obviously and tripping over his own steps. Baekhyun reaches a hand out to steady Jongdae for the fifth time as they turn a corner.

 

Baekhyun shoots a smile over his shoulder at one of the lunch ladies and she merely grunts at him in response. His eyes sweep over his best friend and the very obvious looming cloud above him, “It's okay, Jongdae. She said she couldn't remember, what could we do anyway?”

 

Jongdae mumbles something to himself and when Baekhyun hums questioningly, he says it louder for him to hear, “But Seungwan never forgets, she even keeps a dream journal to record all it down right after.”

 

Baekhyun shrugs it off, not seeing the big concern about the situation. People tend to forget their dreams easily, maybe it had been too horrifying and traumatising for Seungwan that she couldn't remember it after she woke up. It doesn't affect him much so he refuses to give in to the devil of curiosity. Either way, they are both blessed by the bliss of ignorance.

 

In all honesty, Baekhyun doesn't know what he'd do if he had known why he was in Seungwan's nightmares.

 

Baekhyun learnt in a class that certain telepaths have psychic abilities, foreseeing the future in numerous ways and one of most obvious and common ones is viewing them in dreams. What if Seungwan, as a telepath, does foresee the future in these bad dreams and records them down in fear of them coming true one day? What if whatever Seungwan had seen of Baekhyun in her nightmare comes true someday?

 

What if Baekhyun was a monster in her dream, like he fears?

 

To be truly human includes having memories of being one and Baekhyun lacks it.

 

He has had enough questions to fill his head and he doesn't want to meddle with a telepath's mind.

 

“You can't force someone to remember,” Baekhyun advises. He surveys Jongdae from the corner of his eyes, a smile growing on his lips to comfort his best friend. He reaches his hand out to pat Jongdae's back, keeps it there as he continues, “If Seungwan remembers, then she will. If she doesn't, it is all okay too.”

 

Jongdae turns to him, eyes wide and worried. Just like Baekhyun knew he would, he goes on, an eyebrow cocking in suspicion, “Do you not care about the fact that she called your name out numerous times during her fit? Does it not bother you, Baek?”

 

Baekhyun wishes he could give Jongdae some insight to his mind, the amount of puzzling unanswered questions living there on their own, taking refuge in his mind and driving him crazy every single night.

 

Of course he is bothered, he wants to shout at Jongdae. A telepath is screaming for his name with hints of fear laced in her voice during a bad dream? It scares Baekhyun to death and if he dares to dwell on it, he knows he wouldn't be able to sleep another night or at all. It'll probably haunt him day and night, Seungwan's voice calling out for him breathing close to his ears. Another form of his illusion will birth from this and Baekhyun probably will have to return to the infirmary. Maybe it'll be the last strike on Baekhyun's records and Leader Jinki will have no choice but to eliminate him.

 

Yet, he keeps it all under the surface, it's bubbling and growing, burning hot in him, but Baekhyun swallows the words down and creates a lie on the tip of his tongue. “It does,” Baekhyun answers flippantly. He exhales noisily, repeating, “But I really can't do much about it. What can we do, Jongdae?”

 

Silence dawns on them for a few minutes as they approach the training hall. Baekhyun pretends to ignore the curiosity growing in him, wanting him to ponder on the possibilities of Seungwan's nightmares of him, as Jongdae slouches next to him even more from the confusion of it all.

 

As Baekhyun's hand turns the knob, his best friend stops him, eyes screaming for him to listen to him this time.

 

“Don't tell anyone about what you saw today,” Jongdae asks, his voice pleading on a desperate edge. His eyes dart between Baekhyun and the door to the training hall, pupils darting out of nervousness. He takes an uneasy breath, “I don't want them to know.”

 

Baekhyun nods, agreeing to it, but Jongdae is already walking past him, into the training hall, without a glance backwards to see if he's following in or not.

 

His heart grows heavy with another secret.

 

 

* * *

 

 

_Hey Byun Baekhyun._

 

The boy lifts his head in answer, narrowing his eyes at Jongdae. He nudges his best friend, jerking his chin towards him, assuming that the latter had called him out, “What's up?”

 

Jongdae has his mouth full of lettuce and beef patty, the greens poking out of his lips, and he gobbles it down, chewing on the mush of food as quickly as he could. He side eyes Baekhyun dirtily, clearly infuriated with the disturbance, “What? I'm eating obviously.”

 

Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows at his best friend, his hand stops mid-way to feed himself some of the soggy fries. He pursues his lips, “You didn't call my name out?”

 

Jongdae relays the same expression of confusion back to Baekhyun, shaking his head. He immediately forces a laugh out, clapping onto Baekhyun's back, “You're probably hearing things since you are not getting enough sleep these days.”

 

Jongdae easily shrugs it off, returning to the plate of his food. He goes back to munching on his burger, and shoving the fries into his mouth. Baekhyun mutters a quiet apology and scratches at the back of his neck in puzzlement. Maybe Jongdae's right, he is probably hearing things in his head.

 

 _Wait a second..._ Baekhyun pauses, chin jerking upwards just as he is about to dive for those soggy fries again. He skims through the faces and bodies sitting at the tables in the canteen, searching and searching until his sight sets on someone sitting close to the windows, eyes already staring back with a twinkling glint.

 

_Figured it out already?_

 

The voice is clearer now when Baekhyun is focusing on it, the light tone of Seungwan's voice drifting into his mind like an airy whisper amidst the chaos going on both internally and externally. Baekhyun squints at Seungwan, and the girl reciprocates with a wide set grin, resembling Jongdae's impudent grins.

 

Baekhyun finds himself parting his lips to answer when it dawns on him, the stupid realisation that he can't answer Seungwan verbally, seeing that she is meters away from him, seated at a table with her own peers. He watches the roll of Seungwan's eyes, exasperation shown clearly on her features.

 

_Answer back in your head, dummy. Just think it out, I'm listening._

 

Baekhyun pursues his lips again, testing it out by breathing his words into a thought for Seungwan to catch on among the many other thoughts in this canteen.

 

_Shouldn't you call me oppa?_

 

He catches the slight jerk of a nod that Seungwan sends him way, confirming that she had heard him. He wonders about his voice in his head, wonders if it sounds exactly like him, wonders if Seungwan is particularly tuning into him right now.

 

 _Alright, Baekhyun oppa._ He could sense the tone of mirth in her voice if that's even possible. This entire exchange seems otherworldly to him which is a bit ironic. _Could you meet me in my room after you're done with your lunch?_

 

 _Why?_ Baekhyun asks, glancing briefly at Jongdae in front of him who is still occupied with his food, clearly famished since morning. He picks at a fry absent-mindedly, plopping it into his mouth to chew on it.

 

The next words Seungwan say in his head are what propel him to meet her, a sense of uneasiness settling in his heart.

 

_I do remember. I remember what I saw in my dream._

 

 

* * *

 

 

“That was fast enough.”

 

Baekhyun finds himself facing a pair of neatly tied sneakers, white and spotless in contrast to his dirtied ones. He tugs on cerulean sleeves, pulling the jacket tighter around him to fight the cold and prevent the wind from wafting its way through his clothes. The warmth is minimal but he doesn't complain, holds on to it to keep him sane enough in the breezy cold.

 

He peers upwards at the girl standing in front of him, hand poised on her hip. She cocks her head sideways at him, assessing his position on the floor, situated right outside of the door to her room.

 

Baekhyun gets the gist, getting up and dusting off some lint from his butt and thighs. He raises his eyebrows expectantly at the redhead, “Are you going to invite me in or are we going to talk it out here?”

 

A corner of Seungwan's lips tugs upwards, “Impatient, aren't you, oppa?”

 

She reaches around Baekhyun to stick the key card into the slot. The door opens with a satisfying click. Seungwan gestures to the opening before stepping in first, pulling the key card from the slot and Baekhyun follows after her, feeling a sense of deja vu being in the same room from this morning.

 

Seungwan falls backwards on her bed while Baekhyun stands awkwardly by the now shut door. He fidgets with his hands before taking a seat tentatively at the foot of Seungwan's bed. He tilts his head at her expectantly for her to start a conversation about today's morning and she does, in her own way.

 

 _Whatever I'm about to tell you,_ Baekhyun hears the familiar whisper of Seungwan's dainty voice in his head. It is louder now, unable to mistake when he is devoid of noise and people around him. He lifts his gaze upwards, locking eyes with Seungwan. Her face is serious now, the amusement before has ebbed away into a grave expression. _Please don't mention it to Leader Jinki, Jongdae or anyone else. I'm going to keep speaking in your head so that you can only hear me._

 

When Seungwan notices Baekhyun hesitating, she continues speaking in his head, _please, oppa. I lied to Jongdae earlier so that I could only tell you alone. It's not for anyone else but you to know._

 

Baekhyun nods, relenting to the telepath's needs. He sits still in realisation of the graveness of the situation. He gradually leans back into the wooden frame at the foot of the bed, trying to make himself feel comfortable while his fingernails dig into the black joggers he is clad in, picking at the threads to keep him distracted as he listens intently to Seungwan's words.

 

“I promise,” Baekhyun swears, putting his entire sincerity in his voice. “I won't tell anyone at all.”

 

Seungwan nods at him, mouths the words of gratitude before ducking her head and taking a deep breath. Baekhyun awaits for the recollection of her dream to be breathed into the corners of his mind. He prepares for the worst.

 

Suddenly, a few images pop up in his rear vision, blocking his sight and they play one after another like a slide show in the eye of his mind. Baekhyun jumps, startled at the sight of bloodshed. There is a certain vile edge to these visuals, the darkness that makes Baekhyun feel like he is suffocating in the emptiness of it, the splattering of blood that makes Baekhyun wince at the immense amount of it.

 

He can't hear the suffering but he can almost imagine it perfectly in his head, hand in hand with these images Seungwan is presenting him.

 

Seungwan has her eyes closed, eyelashes fluttering rapidly against her cheeks.

 

She parts her lips and begins to speak softly, wisps of her voice echoing in his head.

 

_I can't show you the entire dream, oppa, because the details and the visual of it are hazy in my head now. I only remember the mere details of it. Jongdae wasn't lying, I was indeed screaming for you in my dream._

 

_You didn't show up in my dream, not exactly. I don't recall seeing you physically there but I do recall a dark figure just like in all of my dreams. I don't know the name but I know it's a man. His voice is altered, lower than usual, a voice that creeps onto my back, raising the hairs on my skin._

 

Seungwan pauses, taking a shuddering breath externally.

 

_He said that I need to find you, I need to look for you. He told me that I can't let you out of my sight, you are the danger in this building. Then, he grabbed onto me, his touch was so cold that I felt my blood freezing underneath the arm he grasped on. He said again and again, repeating it in low whispers that drove me crazy so I screamed for you. I asked for you. I called out to you._

 

_I couldn't see his face, oppa, but I could almost feel the smile spreading onto his lips in a catlike movement. Sly and sneakily. He let go of me, but before he could leave me alone on that bloodied concrete, he told me with a warning tone that you are the lone destructor of this world. You will explode like a billion fireworks into the air, and all of us will die at your hands._

 

 _Oppa?_ Baekhyun doesn't answer, stillness in his posture. _Baekhyun oppa?_

 

 _Are you okay?_ her voice drifts again after a few beats of silence. There is hesitance on Seungwan's end and Baekhyun could feel it strongly in his mind.

 

Baekhyun bites his bottom lip. Seungwan's words are still echoing mercilessly, bouncing off the walls of his mind. He can't decipher the meaning behind her dream, can't decipher anything at all. Baekhyun hugs his knees to his chest tighter, ignoring the worry in Seungwan's eyes look at him for a moment.

 

His heart is going too fast, the beat of his fist-sized heart all too loud in his ears, ringing with a buzz that he can't get rid of no matter how hard he tries to calm his pulse with deep breaths. The words, they hit him, aimed directly at his chest with poison packed into the metal bullets. And no matter how hard he tries, Baekhyun cannot pull them out, he cannot stop the internal bleeding.

 

He is stuck with the never ending feeling of fearing his true potential.

 

“Why aren't you scared of me?” Baekhyun barely whispers it out, timid and quiet. Seungwan lifts her head in surprise, not registering what she had been asked, so he asks once more with a steadier voice, “Why aren't you scared of me?”

 

Seungwan studies Baekhyun's face closely, making him feel even more self-conscious. He lowers his head down, avoiding her line of vision. He can feel it strongly; the fear of the truth crippling his being, he isn't sure if he does want to hear her answer to his question. After foreseeing such warnings about him, who wouldn't be fearful of him?

 

Even Baekhyun himself is afraid of what he is capable of doing.

 

What is he even supposed to do? Why hasn't Seungwan run off to Leader Jinki? Baekhyun probably should do that, he is a danger just like the dark figure in Seungwan's dreams had said.

 

A danger to everyone, a danger to all things breathing. Just like he thought.

 

“No,” Seungwan answers, all out of a sudden, surprising Baekhyun. He meet her gaze filled with honesty and sincerity. He hears it in her voice too. The disbelief is most likely written all over his features and Seungwan continues, “I can't be scared of something that may not real.”

 

“Seungwan...” Baekhyun drags the syllables of her name out, exhaustion ebbing into his voice. He presses his lips together before saying, in a tone of warning, “It doesn't mean it _can't_ be real. We don't know...” Baekhyun trails off, looking at the small frame of his hands, the fragile and long fingers staring back at him. He can feel the light surging through the veins, sees it in a warm yellow underneath his fair skin.

 

“We don't know what these could do,” Baekhyun finishes, holding his hands up to show Seungwan the glowing tips of his fingers. “I don't know what they could do either.”

 

Seungwan's hands cover atop of Baekhyun's, her smaller hands barely fitting against them. She stares, fascinated with the workings of the light in Baekhyun moving through his veins, bathing his hands in hues of silver and yellow.

 

“But, oppa,” Seungwan interrupts stubbornly with a dangerous edge of determination. She pokes her right forefinger right into the middle of the palm of his right hand where the core of the light sits, “You don't possess any qualities of a monster. You are not a monster.”

 

Baekhyun smiles, bitterness spread onto the fullness of his lips. Seungwan's optimism and poor judgement of character amuse him, “Seungwan-ah, you don't know me.”

 

She is stubborn on her stance, and Baekhyun blames it on her innocence, “You are _not_ a monster, Byun Baekhyun.” The tone of force in her voice reminds him too much of Leader Jinki's when he managed to do his first kill in one of the simulations in the beginning.

 

“ _You are not a monster,”_ Jinki had said in that wise voice of his, eyes lined with sincerity just like Seungwan's. It made Baekhyun hiccup and stop his crying mid-way, the remaining tears streaming down his face.

 

He had been holding onto a ball of light, refusing to absorb it into his veins. Sehun had tugged on his wrist all the way to the Circle, choking on the sobs wrecking through his body at the man's life he had taken. Baekhyun couldn't decipher the need behind doing any of it, practising it diligently when all he was doing was simply killing and killing.

 

The ball of light disappeared as quickly as they teleported right back to Jinki's office, the Leader looking even more grave at the outcome of the simulation.

 

“You can't be a monster, Baekhyun,” Jinki assured him, his arm outstretched to rest his hand on Baekhyun's shoulder in a comforting gesture. He quirks his lips upwards slightly, “You are both light and dark, Baekhyun. That is _not_ a monster.”

 

Baekhyun sits in front of Seungwan, with her hands still gripping onto his tightly. There is a resolve in her eyes, surveying his expressions.

 

Baekhyun has always been reminded numerous times by Jinki in the first few simulations, just to keep him going and reassured. He hadn't understood the meaning behind the leader's words, merely letting them splay onto the fairness of his skin so that he could wake up everyday to see it and remember the comfort and sincerity in Jinki's voice.

 

“You are not a monster,” Seungwan repeats for the third time with even more force placed into her words. Her curls frame her cheeks, and she clutches tightly on Baekhyun's hands, staring intensely into Baekhyun's eyes, trying to convey the message across. “You are so full of light, you can't be one.”

 

Baekhyun merely nods, swallows his protests and disagreement down and lets his mind consume with the voices of negativity. He paints his skin with Seungwan's words, a new addition to his already tainted canvas.

 

 

* * *

 

 

He runs away, letting his feet glide on the breeze of the wind, letting his mind take him to the safest place where his heart takes refuge in, letting his light for once pave the way to the darkest tunnel.

 

He runs away, far far away from the menacing whispers of his newfound demons. He runs away before they could settle a home in his head. He runs away before his mind tears apart at the torturous vile voices reminding him of the blunt truth of it all.

 

Byun Baekhyun runs away, light beaming out at the tips of fingers, searching for darkness.

 

Darkness where he should hide far from the world.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey dimwit,” His head jerks upwards at a sudden sound out of nowhere. A familiar low-pitched laugh wafts into his ears and Baekhyun sighs when Sehun comes into view, holding two pieces of paper in his hands. He points at Baekhyun, clutching his stomach with his other hand in barely hidden laughter, “You totally fell for it.”

 

Baekhyun scrunches his nose, looking away from the younger boy and ignoring his stupid attempts at tricking him, “What are you even doing here? How did you find me here?”

 

Sehun settles down next to Baekhyun, his knee bumping against Baekhyun's. It is colder than Baekhyun expected, making him immediately jerking away from the blonde boy. Sehun drops one of the papers in Baekhyun's lap and his head lifts, locking his gaze with Sehun's in an expression of perplexity and confusion, hoping Sehun could answer the question.

 

“This is our new schedule,” Sehun simply explains, nodding at it. “Also, you always hang around here if you're not in the room or with Jongdae so I figured.”

 

Baekhyun shies away. He glances briefly at the paper in his lap before folding into a neat square. He feels Sehun's eyes watching him as he folds the schedule but before he could tuck it into the front pocket of his jacket, Sehun stops him.

 

“Don't you want to look at it first?” Sehun prods on, suggesting and his eyes are trembling which is something anew.

 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, still sitting under a looming and heavy dark cloud of his negativity. He shrugs it off, thumbs pressing onto the paper, “I'll look at it later anyway.”

 

Sehun suddenly grabs the folded paper away from Baekhyun's grasp, making the latter's mouth fall open in shock. He can only stay mute, as Sehun opens the paper back into its original shape and presses it to Baekhyun's face forcefully.

 

He demands, voice harsher than usual, “Look at it, hyung.”

 

Baekhyun grits his teeth, keeping the string of profanities at bay. He'll shoot light beams at Sehun in the room later on as a payback but for now, his eyes settle on the schedule on the piece of paper. Wrinkles are formed on the white sheet of paper, thanks to Baekhyun's itchy fingers earlier. He looks closely at the words written on the it.

 

His heart stops for a full second, eyes scanning over the words again and again.

 

“We have a field mission tomorrow a little after dawn,” Sehun repeats the words on the paper in front of Baekhyun. He is thoroughly stunned into silence, unable to fathom why. The younger boy claps onto Baekhyun's back, chuckling as he does so, “You've done it, hyung. You're going on field missions again.”

 

Baekhyun parts his lips, a gust of air escaping in absence of the words he can't form. He tries again, “Why?” He lifts his eyes to Sehun, directing his question at the latter.

 

Sehun merely shrugs, “Didn't Leader Jinki say you're ready again?” He is playing with wind, Baekhyun realises in the midst of everything, the cold is dissipating and it's the works of Sehun's fingers. “You did improve a lot, hyung,” Sehun says with a direct look at Baekhyun, a soft smile on his lips.

 

Baekhyun is still unable to form any words as he struggles through his inner turmoil. It has been a rollercoaster the entire day, starting with Seungwan and ending with this new schedule that he didn't prepare himself for. If he had been told that he was given a new schedule today, he would be expecting a row of simulations again and perhaps afternoons spent with Major Sunyoung again to test the full potential of his light manipulation power.

 

But this... Baekhyun stares intently at the black inked words on the paper, trying to sink it in. He hasn't done a field mission ever since he took the young girl's life at a village they visited. It clearly didn't end well, as Baekhyun was stuffed with sleeping pills to stabilise his sleeping pattern and Jinki sent him to the simulation room every two days to keep practising his powers with Sehun as supervision.

 

Leader Jinki may believe that Baekhyun's ready for the field missions again, but _does he feel ready?_

 

If the fear from before isn't already crippling, the fear of what's to come tomorrow is even more alarming, seizing his heart in a tight clutch.

 

“You don't have to worry, hyung,” Sehun speaks with a softer tone, assurance wedged in his voice for Baekhyun. “You are not going to screw it up.”

 

Baekhyun hums quietly in answer to that, Sehun's advice barely having any toll on him. His anxiety is riding on high and he suddenly wants to sleep but this time, for eternity.

 

“Sehun-ah,” Baekhyun calls out, with timidity from before laced in his voice. He still feels extremely self conscious with Seungwan's recollection of her dream swimming in his head to think about for a long, long time. He voices out his concern, the question in the middle of his head the entire time he had been in the room, “Are you afraid of me?”

 

Sehun doesn't answer at once, merely continues his humming of an unknown song to Baekhyun's ears. He can't blame Sehun for the lack of an answer because he, himself, can't think of an expected reply from Sehun.

 

Though, Baekhyun does hope for the utmost truth, no matter how hard it may sting him or burn his skin.

 

Baekhyun had spent the rest of the day, caged in the basement, finding refuge among the various arms and guns that he can't put a finger on. Right after he left Seungwan's room, shoulders heavy with the weight of the truth of her bad dream this morning, he ran, his thighs burning all the way till he reached the cemented door to the basement. He was panting, out of breath, but the chill of the monsoon season quickly cooled him down, yet he still felt the fire burning within his heart, the ashes forming from the fire.

 

He sat on the floor, in his usual spot, facing the windows, for a long, long time. Baekhyun did nothing, only listened to the voices battling out different negative thoughts in his mind and he let them consume his mind for those hours. He tried desperately to project light out of his palm, to keep his hands busy by practising the aim of his light laser beams but his core is already dimming too much from the negativity.

 

Baekhyun could only feel the tempting need to wrench a ball of light from someone, absorbing their bright soul into his veins to energise him with the adrenaline he needs to fight back against the pessimistic voices in his head.

 

Needless to say, it had been outright depressing, sitting alone in the dark and cold basement, but Baekhyun couldn't wander upwards to the haven of his room or be around Jongdae's presence. The guilt is too much and he wouldn't be able to handle being around all the bright souls travelling around in the building. Baekhyun figured he would slowly sneak out when it is darker out, trudge quietly to his room and sleep the disturbing thoughts away until morning arrives and it'll be a new day, with hopefully a fresh new mind.

 

Until Sehun came, barging into the basement with his stupid jokes, Baekhyun didn't realise he needed a presence next to him to keep his head sane.

 

Baekhyun realises now that the voices are quiet now, and the light at the core of his body is brightening with a sudden surge of new power.

 

“Why would I be?” Sehun answers after a few beats counted on Baekhyun's pulse. Baekhyun isn't facing Sehun but he could hear the bluntness in his reply, a sharpness that doesn't hurt him as much as he thought it will. “You are literally light, what damage could you do?”

 

Baekhyun lifts both of his eyebrows at Sehun, swivelling his head around for the younger to see. The irony seeps in and Sehun laughs, “Oh that? So you can take the soul of someone, that's not something to fear.”

 

Baekhyun whines, slapping the back of his hand against Sehun's arm, the sound resonating in the almost empty basement, “Sehun, I can _kill_ someone. You do realise that, right?”

 

“But will you, out of impulse?” Sehun peruses at him closely and Baekhyun is struck silent.

 

Major Sunyoung's face floats into his mind. The guilt grows in Baekhyun at the thought, but he keeps his lips sewn shut, eyes darting around in anxiety.

 

Would he be branded as a monster then, if he had taken the light of Major Sunyoung? Something to be feared of?

 

Sehun continues, unaware,“You are already so feared for being different. Don't add on to your tab, hyung.” He waves it off physically with his own piece of paper. He adds on, wistfully, “Being feared of isn't comforting. Not to me, at least.”

 

“You don't think I'm capable of doing so,” Baekhyun says. He keeps prodding at the topic, these are questions that have been buried in the box of his mind the past few hours with no being to hear him suffer through the uncertainty. “Don't you think I could go rogue any time or even soon?”

 

Sehun furrows his neatly trimmed eyebrows, his gaze narrowed into slits. He inquires, “What brought this on?”

 

Baekhyun immediately shakes his head, averting his gaze to the concreted floor. The light is dimming on the finger tips of his left hand, it grows bigger and then grows smaller, like a perfect example of his unsteady breathing. He busies himself with expanding his light to his other hand, ignoring Sehun's question.

 

He hears a small sigh next to him and Sehun reluctantly replies to Baekhyun's questions instead, “Do you think Leader Jinki would trust you this much if you could go rogue?”

 

 _He shouldn't,_ Baekhyun rebuts in his head, but it stays as a thought, never to slip past his lips.

 

Baekhyun feels Sehun's fingers curling on the broad curve of his shoulder, squeezing it before releasing his hold on him. Sehun's voice grows distant and Baekhyun realises he is walking away from him, he has gotten up from his seated position.

 

“You seek out the light, hyung, not the darkness,” it strikes a chord in Baekhyun's heart, the blunt honesty in Sehun's words is what makes him believe in it, the words already painting themselves on his canvas. “C'mon, it's late. We have to wake up early tomorrow.”

 

He hears the light patter of Sehun's footsteps against the concrete, waits for them to fade out into nothing. Baekhyun finally lifts his head up and he sees the cemented door still open, probably left for him by Sehun. The meaning of Sehun's words wash over him again and again, he lets himself be optimistic for once and believes it entirely.

 

A smile creeps onto Baekhyun's lips and he lets it stay for the rest of the night, numbing himself of the overwhelming nerves, awaiting the next morning of a new day, new schedule.

 

 

* * *

 

 

It's today.

 

A sense of dread is settling in his body, and it had taken Baekhyun a while to get out of bed, but the alarm going off and off is driving him crazy. And so, he crawls out of his bed, shutting the alarm off. If he had the strength and aggressiveness, he would have flung it across the room, narrowly missing Sehun's head probably.

 

Baekhyun stares into his reflection in the bathroom mirror., eyes squinting, feeling the tiredness of five hours of sleep. He rolls his shoulders back, feeling the strain of the muscles underneath, cracking all too painful at dawn. There are red lines of deep fatigue on his eyeballs, and it hurts to blink them. Baekhyun slouches in front of the mirror, leaning his hands and weight on the sink. He turns the tap, watching the water stream down and disappears into the hole in the middle. He sighs out exasperatedly, before running his hands under the icy water.

 

He splashes his face with a curved hand full of collected water. Baekhyun rubs his cold hands against his cheeks and listens almost sleepily to the sound of the tap running. He looks up once more at the water droplets dotting his skin, and he slaps his cheeks in attempt to feel more awake.

 

The cold reality of today's morning washes over him in rapid waves of anxiety and nervousness.

 

Baekhyun could easily tap into the memories of his first field mission; the horror of it all, the feeling of terror that settled in his heart and never left even when everyone returned back to the headquarters. He had been still dizzy from the nightmare that he had faced and it was even worse that it wasn't a simulation.

 

He doesn't want any of that to happen today.

 

“Hyung!” He hears Sehun calling out from right outside the bathroom door. “You are taking too long in there. I only have five minutes to freshen up, hey!” His words are accompanied by the banging on the door, too loud for the morning, too loud for the chaos happening within Baekhyun's mind.

 

“Yeah, I'll be out soon,” he mutters under his breath, it doesn't matter whether Sehun had heard him or not. His head is dizzy with fatigue and it is crippling his being with pain.

 

Baekhyun frankly doesn't know if he could stand on his two feet and feel stabilised. He doesn't know if he is even prepared for the field mission this morning. He doesn't know if he can even breathe properly with his heart hammering so loudly in his chest.

 

“Goddamnit, hyung! You have to leave the bathroom now!” Sehun shouts through the plastic bathroom door, along with his fists knocking on the door, banging and banging.

 

Baekhyun switches the tap off, wiping himself with the towel and wrapping it afterwards around his waist. He grudgingly walks over to the door, unlocking and sliding it open. He comes face to face with a flushed Sehun, fury in the crease of his eyebrows. Baekhyun merely blinks at him, slides through the gap beside Sehun and slumps over to his bed where his uniform lies.

 

The black uniform, the uniform to be worn for field missions. He barely registers Sehun's uttered string of profanities under his breath, most likely directed at him. Baekhyun puts on his uniform robotically, the lack of energy making his posture slump downwards. The field mission is pounding against his head, reminding him literally every second of what he is about to dive into headfirst with no confidence in his being.

 

As soon as he is down to the last button of his uniform, Sehun is already out of the bathroom, clad in his own uniform as well. His blonde locks are gelled backwards neatly and Baekhyun briefly glances into the mirror to see the unruly strands of his inky hair sticking out from the restless sleep he had to go through the night.

 

He slicks them back with spit in a futile attempt to look more decent like Sehun. The last thing to be worn is the watch and Baekhyun eyes it before grabbing it and strapping it on his left wrist, feeling the weight of the gadget pull his hand down.

 

“Ready?” Sehun asks, a small lopsided smile worn on his lips, though this time it is more reassuring than cocky. Baekhyun feels the strings of his heart tugging down in nervousness, afraid of what's to come. He shoves his hands into the front pockets of his slacks, to hide the tremble in his hands.

 

Despite it all, Baekhyun smiles though he is sure it looks more like a grimace than anything and nods at Sehun before the latter nods back and turns his back to Baekhyun, already heading out of the door with steadier steps than Baekhyun's. His feet drag against the floor, shoulders further slumping as they inch closer to doom.

 

“Hey, don't freak out so much,” Sehun advises once Baekhyun falls into step next to him, eyes skimming over Baekhyun's trembling and anxious face.

 

He is playing with the wind on his fingers and Baekhyun is bathed in a comfortable fusion of warmth and the cold, thanks to Sehun's itchy fingers playing tricks with the breeze. He can't even raise his head to mutter a few words of thanks, merely presses a small smile to his face, hoping it relays the right amount of gratitude.

 

Sehun's hand covers Baekhyun all of a sudden and he is startled by the skinship, looking down at Sehun's atop of Baekhyun's. His own hands are devoid of the light, his heart feeling too panicky to even stabilise the light power in him. He is momentarily overwhelmed with a sense of safety, as Sehun keeps his hand on Baekhyun, tugging once in a while to hasten their steps on the way to the Orbit where everyone assigned is gathering for the field mission.

 

They pause in front of the rounded door, a thin glass separating Baekhyun and Sehun from joining the others in the Orbit. Sehun turns to Baekhyun, lopsided smile intact and it brings a kind of warmth to Baekhyun's being.

 

“You'll do fine,” Sehun whispers, his smile spreading wider, pushing his cheeks upwards. Baekhyun can't help himself but laugh, his own smile blossoming on the fullness of his lips.

 

Baekhyun nods and this time, it's him pulling on Sehun's wrist, into the Orbit. He tugs and he tugs and his feet don't stop until he is bathed in a purplish glow in the Orbit.

 

His eyes look forward, facing the small ass of Saviours gathered in the middle in matching black uniforms. The smile grows and the anxiety lessens in his heart at the sense of familiarity and belonging. He lets go of Sehun's hand and they join the others in a briefing before the field mission starts. Baekhyun prepares himself internally, focuses all of his strength into his core and channels the light into all parts of his body. His head is buzzing from the adrenaline the light gives him.

 

The portal widens, a swirl of nothingness stares back at them, inviting. Leader Jinki stands at the front, eyes skimming over everyone and falling onto Baekhyun. They lock eyes and Baekhyun sees the reassuring smile on Jinki's face, only for him to understand.

 

Baekhyun closes his eyes in a prayer, he tries to pry the hands of his fear from the previous field mission, pries away the lingering hands of the girl who had been haunting him, pries away the thoughts that have been collected over the last few days. He crushes them with his light, breathing a kind of positivity into his mind. He can't shake off the nerves as easily but they aren't as bothersome as before. Baekhyun finds that he could focus on the light now, way more overwhelming than the darkness in him. The weight grows lesser on his shoulders and his feet feel lighter than before.

 

Baekhyun could almost run, he thinks, at the speed of light.

 

Leader Jinki's voice booms through the Orbit, and Baekhyun lifts his gaze, determined and less afraid of what's on the other side of the portal. He catches Seungwan's eyes and he breathes out a thank you in his mind, directing it towards her. Baekhyun watches the widening of her eyes in surprise but they reduce to crinkles, a grin settling on her lips as she recognises and acknowledges it. Leader Jinki paces at the clock ticks down to the fifth position and soon, he signals for everyone to tap onto the watch in the count of three.

 

Deep breaths, Baekhyun reminds himself, focus on the light.

 

A whistle pierces through the air, ringing into everyone's ears, and all of them rush forward into the portal, tapping on their own watches as they step through. Baekhyun doesn't hesitate before it like he feared he would and instead, he surges through the air, hand already enclosing on his left wrist, a single tap of his forefinger against his watch.

 

It begins.

 

 

 

 

 


	3. no.2; seeking

 

 

[  _and I needed one more touch, another taste of divine rush_ ]

 

* * *

 

_Grey._

 

It's all grey. From the walls to the ground to the fabric covering his body.

 

That's what he first sees when he opens his eyes, the stale grey of everything surrounding him. The colour feels a bit familiar, like another home away from a home. He searches through his memory for the home he grew up in, hoping that he could find some sort of answer.

 

He draws a blank, an agonising pain overwhelming him again just like all the times before.

 

There is a sudden alarm and it rings, immensely loud in the small space he's in. The alarm goes on and on, sounding more like a warning. He looks around, scanning the area. There are bars in front of him and they are caging him in. He grips them, feeling the loose lock come away and fall to the ground, barely heard over the noise. That's when his eyes are fully opened, to the chaos outside.

 

They are all banging around, hitting the walls, hitting the officers, and it took him two, three seconds to realise that they are running. They are on their feet, out of the bars, legs sprinting down the corridors. Their voices are no longer echoing in a small box, instead, they bounce off the wide four walls, creating a hubbub.

 

He takes a step forward. His hands are trembling and there is a certain glow to them, flickering on and off. The chaos becomes a white noise to his ears. It surrounds him in a bubble but he's too afraid to pop it, too afraid to hear anything else.

 

He has been asleep for far too long.

 

He pushes at the door, parting with a gap for him. Stepping through, he accidentally bumps into another inmate who had been banging his forearm against all of the bars of the cells along the corridor. He mutters an apology, drawing inwardly, but the inmate doesn't even notice me, going on his way.

 

 _This is crazy..._ he thinks. It's crazy and he's a part of it. It feels foreign to him, the freedom that is given to him out of a sudden. He had only known life inside of a small space, four grey walls and emptiness within himself. His hands and feet are free from cuffs and he can walk freely out of his cell, he can run along the corridors with the other inmates.

 

He is free.

 

He shouldn't feel this scared with the lack of restriction. There should be excitement where fear lies within him now, witnessing the rest run around, liberal with the lacking order. Somehow, his hands ache to meet the coldness of the metal cuffs hanging around his wrists, unable to break free.

 

Strange, he feels safer within the bars.

 

There is an inmate shouting at him suddenly. He turns around to meet the inmate's eyes, trembling and looking all over in anxiety, “Please! Help! Let me out!”

 

A pause in his steps, contemplating. Then, he tentatively approaches the bars opposite him, eyes falling over the inmate gripping onto the metal bars too tightly. He glances at the lock, using a hand to touch the exterior of it. A tug on the metal lock and it lock falls off easily, under his touch. He jerks his hand back and backing towards his own cell once more, averting his eyes from the inmate.

 

The inmate is barely fazed, a proper smile uncovering on his lips and stepping out into the open. He stretches his limbs out, a look of anticipation covering his features.

 

“Thank you,” the inmate pauses mid-stretch and looks down at his uniform, assessing. “Baekhyun.”

 

He raises an eyebrow at the name and looks down as well, eyes catching sight of the tag on the grey fabric. He reads it over and the name becomes more familiar in his head, the identity fitting snugly.

 

_Baekhyun 2904._

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“ _How is he?”_

 

“ _He's okay, just resting.”_

 

“ _He hasn't woken up?”_

 

“ _...”_

 

“ _Hyung?”_

 

“ _No, not yet.”_

 

 

–

 

 

Baekhyun slips in and out of consciousness, briefly hearing voices. Unfamiliar voices and muffled noises float around him. His ears barely pick up on the sounds, he's too deep in the nightmares. He merely sees darkness, pitch black darkness.

 

Sometimes the light is so hard for him to reach out to.

 

He can't feel his fingers, he can't even pry his eyes open. Despite the sense of dread in his being, he's not scared of what's to happen. Baekhyun wonders briefly if he's on the brink of death, if it's here to take him away, if his life is already burning away its ashes. If he  _is_ nearing the end, he hopes the flames die out fast because of the pain.

 

The pain is almost unbearable. It is all he is stuck in; constant sharp tinges of pain and darkness.

 

Baekhyun feels himself slipping away again, there is a tug on his wrist. He turns but he's unable to see anything at all. His feet are getting clumsy and he is falling and falling in a blackhole that sucks him whole. He hears a voice and it's desperate, pulling on his skin, dragging him down further.

 

“ _You can't take my light away, you can't take him away, you can't...”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It's the first breath that jolts him awake.

 

A sudden shuddering breath, filling his lungs with the smell of burnt incense sticks. He feels his chest heaving, craving for the fresh breath of air. He almost forgot how it feels to breathe. The light returns to his eyes and Baekhyun pries them open, fighting against the glare of the sunlight. The light returns to his fingertips and it's like he's reborn, once more.

 

He hears a voice, vaguely familiar in the midst of the fog in his mind, “Awake?”

 

Baekhyun blinks against the blaring light and he prepares to answer, lips parting but then he is halted by the sudden wave of pain hitting his head. The pain comes first, crashing down on him, all of a sudden. Hot, red flashes spark in his vision and it hurts. It hurts his eyes, his insides. Everything is burning within him and he feels a bead of perspiration trickling down his temple. Baekhyun groans out loud, closing his eyes immediately due to the sudden dizziness. The flashes are in the darkness too. It is spinning, he's spinning in circles and the light is too harsh on him, too bright for him to control.

 

“Hey, hey,” the voice says, soothingly and softly. Baekhyun finds himself holding onto the melody of the voice for a sense of stability. “You're okay, you're fine.”

 

Before he can even process a single thought, his vision is protruded by the hot flashes of light and Baekhyun just wants to stop it all at once.

 

Baekhyun struggles, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth as the pain courses through his body, awakening his senses. He tries to listen to the voice, tries to believe those words. He keeps blinking against the light, it's brightening and brightening. There is a sharp pain in his head and he can't think, he can't breathe easily anymore.

 

Baekhyun wants to retract the first breath and dive right back into the darkness where he's just at the line, bordering near death.

 

He feels someone covering his hand, warmth seeping into his skin, squeezing assurance. And Baekhyun holds onto that, clawing a hand out to grab onto the ball of light. It's burning his palm, searing into his skin and he can already imagine the burnt marks it'll leave in its wake. He clutches on the ball of light, keeps his palm closed so no light can peek out through the gaps.

 

It's hot, Baekhyun draws a heavy breath, stinging and prickling tears behind his eyes.

 

The pain becomes a dull afterthought, an ache pushed to the back of his head. His fingers are tingling, the rush of adrenaline speeding through his veins and his eyes shoot open. There is no light shining into his vision anymore, it doesn't hurt to focus his eyes on his surroundings, the pain isn't coming down in waves.

 

Baekhyun inhales deeply, the scent of burnt incense sticks lingering in his nostrils, and the room comes into focus, clearing the fog in his mind. His head feels heavy, a dead weight against the pillow. The room Baekhyun's in slowly comes into view.

 

He's not at the headquarters.

 

He's not at the room he shares with Sehun at the military camping grounds.

 

The thought processes the unfamiliarity of being in somewhere completely out of his radar. For a second, he thinks that he's in a hospital room. He scans his surroundings, shocked by the unfamiliar walls painted a pale blue. The curtains are swaying to the tune of the breeze, the thought ebbs away and he realises that it's a used bedroom in _someone's_ house. Baekhyun can feel the cold settling in but he's covered by the warmth of the blankets strewn over his body and the hand atop his.

 

His eyes drift towards his right slowly, surprise flickering on his face as he stares at the stranger sitting by his bedside. Baekhyun drinks in the sight of the boy who is gripping onto his hand all too tightly but comforting at the same time. He exhales slowly, trying to move his fingers against the boy's hand. The boy straightens, alarmed at the sudden movement and he swivels his head around, facing Baekhyun fully.

 

The first thing Baekhyun sees is doe eyes, alert and soft at the corners. There is concern drawn on the creases of his eyebrows but Baekhyun is more drawn to the wide eyed gaze he is under.

 

He seems familiar. In the midst of everything, Baekhyun is attracted to that wide-eyed stare, somehow recalling that he has seen those eyes before even when he can't draw a name to the boy's face, can't fully fathom a single memory with him. It must be the amnesia messing up his head, screwing around with his reality.

 

Baekhyun's eyes travel downwards to the swell of his lips, noticing the movement of those lips. Baekhyun blinks, the voice returning to his ears in warm, melodic waves.

 

“Are you feeling better?” The boy is leaning in, checking his eyes and face. His breath ghosts over Baekhyun's skin, tickling. “I should go get Yixing hyung, hold on.”

 

Baekhyun is left alone in the room, the warmth by his side gone as soon as the boy hurries out of the room. Baekhyun moves his fingers, feeling the light flow down to the tips of his fingers, glowing alight. It surges through his body like an energy rush, he can feel his veins humming with life. Yet the pain remains in his head, a light throbbing that he cannot get rid of.

 

He lifts his hand to his head, rubbing lightly at the feeling of a bandage wrapped around his head. Baekhyun frowns at the lack of memory of how he ended up as a wounded patient in a home of someone he doesn't even know.

 

He lets his eyes drift over the interior, taking in the little bits of someone's home in this unknown room. He takes notice of the sketchbooks strewn on the desk table, a lone black polished lamp standing by the window, a few paintings hung up on the pale blue walls. He wonders if it's the doe-eyed boy's room, if he's into drawing, filling it up with colour and pasting his best works on the walls for guests to see.

 

Baekhyun's head is still fuzzy, too blinded by the light earlier to properly remember anything. A brief memory sparks his mind of Sehun and him walking towards the Circle last after being done with their part of the mission. A sharp tinge of pain shoots through his head as he tries to dig further into his mind for a clearer memory.

 

It's when Baekhyun is readjusting his position on the bed and finds himself wincing that the doe-eyed boy walks into the room, a taller man following after. There is a pair of clear glasses perched on the tip of his nose and he scrutinises Baekhyun, trailing his eyes up and down Baekhyun's body. He offers a gentle smile, lowering himself down on the chair next to the bed, while the doe-eyed boy stands at the foot of the bed, unflinching.

 

“How are you feeling?” the spectacled boy inquires, genuine concern on his features. 

 

Baekhyun curls in at the sound of the boy's voice, hazily remembering the dream he had, but it's gone in a moment.

 

He then breathes out in answer to the boy's question, “Weak.”

 

The spectacled boy chuckles while grabbing onto Baekhyun's arm. His touch is too tender, the pads of his fingers pressing onto Baekhyun's skin gently like he could break from a slight impact. He runs his fingers down Baekhyun's arm, his eyebrows clenched together. Confusion arises when he feels the light flow in accordance to the boy's hand. It burns when his fingers are pressing on too hard on Baekhyun's skin, it lulls to an ache when his hands withdraw.

 

“I'm Yixing, by the way,” the boy introduces himself casually as he checks Baekhyun's pulse. His chin jerks to his right, a gesture to the doe-eyed boy. “He's Kyungsoo.”

 

It  _is_ him, Baekhyun realises as he recognises the lilt and the pitch of his voice that was floating around in his head in the midst of his darkness. Baekhyun's eyes flick towards the doe-eyed boy, putting the name to his face. He wants to roll the syllables around on his tongue, he also wants to ask Kyungsoo about the sketchbooks splayed on the desk. 

 

“Baekhyun,” is all he can say as an introduction before Yixing instructs him to sit up a little, helping him with a hand wrapped on his elbow to prop him up slowly. 

 

He follows Yixing's commands; opening his eyes wider so that Yixing can check them, taking deep breaths according to Yixing's counts, parting his lips to show Yixing his dry throat.

 

When Yixing's done recording the results, he looks up at Baekhyun, the smile from before still on his lips, and advises him to rest a while more so that his head injury could recover. His hand lingers on Baekhyun's head, giving him a little pat before getting up.

 

“How did you find me?” Baekhyun bursts out suddenly, the question was already on the tip of his tongue. Yixing turns back towards him, a mix of surprise and dread on his face. Baekhyun flicks his gaze from Yixing to Kyungsoo, his curiousity getting the best of him. “What happened? Where am I?”

 

Yixing holds his gaze for a few seconds and Baekhyun pleads with his eyes for the answers. The spectacled boy drags his gaze away and settles on Kyungsoo heavily. Kyungsoo, on the other hand, wears a vague expression, something Baekhyun can't figure out. He pursues his lips, meeting Yixing's eyes and Baekhyun could feel the apprehension emanating off them.

 

Kyungsoo suddenly sighs when Yixing nods at him firmly before returning his gaze to Baekhyun.

 

“Kyungsoo will answer your questions but first,” Yixing holds up a finger, and gestures to the side table. Baekhyun takes a look at the contents; a bunch of pills, a glass of water and a water pitcher. “Take your medicine.”

 

Baekhyun nods slowly and Yixing gives him a brief smile before leaving the bedroom. Kyungsoo inches towards Baekhyun tentatively, gaze averted to the floor. He is fidgeting with his fingers, before untangling them and reaching for the glass of water and a pill.

 

“Take this, it's your antibiotics,” Kyungsoo instructs him, placing the pill on Baekhyun's palm. Baekhyun hesitates, eyeing the pill, uncertain.

 

Kyungoo notices and reassures him, “We are not drugging you or anything, that's genuinely antibiotics. It's even prescribed, look!” Kyungsoo takes out a small zipped plastic packet. Baekhyun's vision blurs and refocuses as he reads the words on the plastic packet, recognising the medical terms he has heard from nurses in the infirmary. 

 

Baekhyun eyes the pill once more and slips it past his mouth. He holds onto the glass with two hands, tipping his head back to swallow the pill, feeling it lodged in his throat.

 

Kyungsoo passes him one more pill, a stark blue in contrast to the previous white, “That's for the pain and nausea.”

 

Baekhyun obeys, swallowing the pill whole again and gulping the water to quench his thirst without hesitation. Kyungsoo automatically pours more water into the glass but they both leave it untouched on the table. He slides into Baekhyun's side, not too close to be uncomfortable, but close enough to hear his voice clear in Baekhyun's ears as he takes a deep breath, answering Baekhyun's questions calmly.

 

“This is Seoul,” Kyungsoo explains slowly, his voice sounding lower than usual. “Yixing hyung found you passed out in blood at a park bench in the middle of his morning run. We wanted to send you to the hospital, but Yixing hyung suggests that he takes care of you since he's a medical intern and all...”

 

_Seoul?_ Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, trying to process the information at once. Confusion is still written on his features, so Kyungsoo continues, “But we still don't know how you got hurt and left at the park bench...”

 

His eyebrows scrunch together further, confusion rising inside. Baekhyun frowns, his mind puzzling at the hazy memories of the mission. His eyebrows are twitching as he tries to remember the events, the possible downfall that he had. Then he groans in discomfort, and a heavy pounding grows in the back of his head, ceasing his attempts to remember anything.

 

“You don't have to remember anything now,” Kyungsoo assures him, eyes growing wide at the look of pain flickering over Baekhyun's features. “Your head must be in a lot of pain. Rest first.”

 

_But I have to,_ Baekhyun thinks. 

 

His head is throbbing too much, it feels heavy on his shoulders. Baekhyun leans back against the pillow, sighing out in indignation.

 

He barely remembers anything from the mission. He remembers firstly that he was in Hiroshima, Japan and not in Korea at all so the mere fact that he had been deported back to his country but the wrong city is a puzzling mystery to him. There was the purpose of the mission which was to kill a group of masked assassins. Baekhyun remembers briefly that he and Sehun barely took a part in taking out the group, merely protecting the Saviours and any civilians that cross their path. Sehun was being playful as usual with the wind between his fingers, distracting Baekhyun with the way he sends the breeze through Baekhyun's hair, messing it up and the way he changed the temperature quickly from a lukewarm to a chill running down Baekhyun's spine.

 

When they received the ping on their watch, they took one last cautious glance around before setting foot to the path they took earlier as instructed, heading straight towards the Circle where the others were gathered. Then...

 

Then, Baekhyun can't remember.

 

More specifically, it hurts too much to remember.

 

“I have to go back,” Baekhyun suddenly says out loud and he thinks it is the best solution for him.

 

He could go back and ask Leader Jinki about his condition. Maybe his amnesia is acting up again, maybe he was attacked out of a threat to the M.A., maybe there  _is_ a threat and the M.A. have to prepare themselves for any sudden attacks. He has to go back and warn them.

 

“Where?” 

 

At Kyungsoo's question, Baekhyun halts. The words die on his tongue as he remembers the oath of secrecy he had taken to protect the name of the M.A. and its Saviours. It had never become a risk to him, being the only one who had nowhere to visit for the breaks Saviours have, being the only one rarely out of the headquarters, being the only one tied heavily to the gates of M.A. A realisation dawns on him that this is the first time he is out of the headquarters all alone in somewhere unknown with people he doesn't even know.

 

The realisation draws fear in his heart, fear of never going back to his roots.

 

Baekhyun glances at the boy, noticing the innocent curiousity swimming in those irises and answers quietly, “I don't know.”

 

And it isn't far from the truth either.

 

“What do you mean you don't know?” the question flies out of Kyungsoo's lips, puzzlement edged in his tone.

 

Baekhyun mumbles, looking away, “ I really don't know anything.”

 

Baekhyun slumps against the bed in defeat upon seeing the helpless look on Kyungsoo's face at the sound of his answer. Fright seizes his heart at the situation he is caught in. He wishes he knew anything. He wishes he knew how to get back to the headquarters but he is stuck in Seoul, a city hours away from where he thinks M.A. is, and it's not a common occurrence for him to be out and about.

 

He remembers the watch, a hope bubbling in him at the possibility of being able to travel back to the headquarters using the gadget. Baekhyun takes a glimpse at his left wrist and glances towards the desk table, searching for the watch he wears to travel through the cities.

 

“Did you take my watch off?” Baekhyun asks, eyes still scanning around the area for the gadget.

 

He turns towards Kyungsoo, hopeful as the boy shakes his head, diminishing the bubble of hope at once with his answer, “No. As far as I recall, you weren't wearing a watch.”

 

Panic rises in Baekhyun, heavy weight of terror growing in the pit of his stomach at the thought of being stranded. He closes his eyes, teeth sinking down on his bottom lip. Baekhyun can feel his breaths shortening, the light swimming through his veins, buzzing at the feeling of anxiety rising within. There has to be a way. There must be a way.

 

The realisation sinks in. He truly can't do anything about it, even his power, as deadly as it could be, holds no solution for him. Baekhyun is stuck. And he doesn't know what he could do about it.

 

“I have nowhere to go,” Baekhyun speaks out loud.

 

It surprises Kyungsoo, he can tell from the way the boy widens his eyes and his lips part from the lack of an answer he could present to Baekhyun. On the other hand, Baekhyun feels the need to laugh bitterly at the aftermath of the mission he went on. Of course, it would end up in disaster, just like last time. Though this is way more dangerous and risky, Baekhyun can't help but surrender in defeat.

 

Baekhyun is not made to be a Saviour. Not when he keeps screwing everything up, with the lack of competency that lies within him.

 

Kyungsoo's voice startles him, the soft and soothing tone from earlier returns, “You can stay here.”

 

Baekhyun immediately shakes his head firmly, tries to contain the pain in his head as he declines Kyungsoo's offer, “I can't. You have done a lot for me, I still have to rep–”

 

Kyungsoo's hand stops Baekhyun, interrupting his speech and covering his slender fingers with Kyungsoo's own fingers but shorter in comparison. Baekhyun's eyes drift to their hands, basks in the warmth that Kyungsoo's hand brings and swallows a gasp of air that was threatening to bubble out of his lips.

 

“For now, just recover and stay here if you'd like,” Kyungsoo wears a small smile, making a big gesture to the room they are in, and Baekhyun can't seem to take his eyes off his lips, entranced.

 

“Without a price?” Baekhyun manages to ask with a playful lilt to his voice, feeling the wide stretch of his lips lifting upwards at Kyungsoo.

 

Kyungsoo nods, his lips twitching to smile wider at Baekhyun, “You just have to stay bedridden and quiet.”

 

“It'd be hard for me to stay quiet,” Baekhyun mumbles, the weight in his heart eases a little at Kyungsoo's attempt of lightening the tension. He can figure it out later, Baekhyun thinks. He can figure out a solution later. His eyes are drooping and he can barely keep them open.

 

Kyungsoo's eyes are twinkling, “It's one of the house rules.”

 

Baekhyun hums, sleepiness overwhelming him, his eyelids fluttering closed from the after effects of the medicine. He revels in the calm for a few seconds before opening his eyes to meet Kyungsoo's in a daze.

 

“I guess I'd be stupid to break them then,” Baekhyun mutters sleepily and he catches sight of the light twinkling in Kyungsoo's irises, tempting to reach out and catch a hold of it to draw strength from.

 

He lets a tiny smile spread onto his lips before finally closing his eyes, giving in to the pull of the sleepiness. He falls under the weight of his sleepiness, the questions earlier drifting away, muted into the back of his head where he's sure that they will be pulled out again at some point. Before he drifts into his dreams, Baekhyun thinks of the light he sees in Kyungsoo's eyes and he basks in the brightness, itching to feel the light buzzing beneath his fingertips, so close but so far still.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“ _Are you sure about this?”_  
  
“What else can we do?”  
  
“We could turn hi–”  
  
“Not here. He can hear us.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It is dark out when Baekhyun awakes once more and he guesses that it's probably at the brink of midnight, considering the afternoon sun he saw descending earlier.

 

His head feels heavy still, fuzzy with sleepiness. He yawns first, blinking his eyes a few times to adjust to the low lighted room. The tall lamp he noticed earlier is switched on, casting a dimmed light to bathe the room in dark shadows. Baekhyun has been training and practising in dark places that he is almost accustomed it.

 

He surveys the room before noticing a boy crouched at the foot of the bed, a pen gripped in his hand moving gracefully across the paper. Baekhyun observes the tightened jaw, pursed lips and sharp gaze directed at the sketchbook in his lap. His entire figure is bent in concentration over his art that he barely hears Baekhyun's voice.

 

Baekhyun clears his throat, sounding a little loud in the silent room, walls and windows muffling the noises of the life outside. Kyungsoo tenses before looking up to notice Baekhyun's friendly smile. He loosens up a little before closing the sketchbook in his lap and edging closer to Baekhyun's bedside with his own smile mirroring Baekhyun's.

 

“How was your sleep?” Kyungsoo asks politely, settling the pen he had been gripping onto the sketchbook. “Feeling better?”

 

Baekhyun shrugs, licking his lips, feeling the dryness and bite marks. He didn't have any nightmares so it felt great, a sense of satisfaction fills his being at the first dreamless sleep he had since a long time coming. His nightmares were always vague, too solemn and they make Baekhyun's head hurt when he wakes up. The fear he feels in his heart never properly goes away after nightmares, he doesn't miss waking up in sweat, hands clutching onto the sheets, fingernails digging into his palms to remind him that he is alive and well.

 

There is a stiffening pause as Kyungsoo tilts his head at Baekhyun and he realises all too late and gravely that he had said his words out loud, the fact that he has nightmares. Baekhyun can almost hear a pin drop as the silence takes over, and he wants to hit himself for being so careless with his mouth. Kyungsoo's a stranger, Baekhyun reminds himself, biting his tongue.

 

Kyungsoo tears his gaze away, relating, “I have nightmares too.” At the surprise on Baekhyun's face, he chuckles, “I draw them in my sketchbook at times too.”

 

Baekhyun squints at Kyungsoo, he feels a light relief at Kyungsoo's reaction. With curiosity getting the best of him, he asks, “Is that what you were sketching just now?”

 

The boy shakes his head with a small smile settling on his lips, “No...” He trails off, uncertain.“I was trying to sketch you.”

 

Baekhyun's eyes grow, astounded by the thought of someone sketching him unaware. He is sure he looks beaten up, wounded and terrible. He's sure that the dim light and a bruised body don't make for a great subject in Kyungsoo's sketchbook.

 

Though, he is intrigued by how Kyungsoo drew him out, to see how he's portrayed on a piece of paper. His eyes glance at the sketchbook in Kyungsoo's lap and the request is past his lips before he could even stop himself, “Can I see it?”

 

Kyungsoo follows the line of Baekhyun's gaze and he knows he's being too hopeful about it, too curious. He watches as Kyungsoo rubs his thumb against the black cover of the sketchbook, contemplating.

 

“Maybe when you recover,” Kyungsoo answers, eyes flitting upwards to meet Baekhyun's with a hint of a promise. “It'll be a gift for you.”

 

Baekhyun parts his lips in pleasant surprise at the words out of Kyungsoo's lips. He then narrows his eyes at Kyungsoo, questioning, “You are not going to actually let me see it after all, right?”

 

A full laugh erupts out of Kyungsoo's throat at that and Baekhyun is startled by the fluttering he feels in his heart at the sonorous laughter. His entire face is scrunched up in amusement, eyes crinkling and canines poking out. Baekhyun revels in the sight of Kyungsoo's laughter, relishing at the fact he made the boy laugh.

 

“No, I really will,” Kyungsoo nods his head, affirming. “I promise.”

 

“You can't lie to me...” Baekhyun teases, trailing off.

 

There is pure sincerity in Kyungsoo's eyes when he replies, “I never go back on my words, that's the kind of person I am.”

 

Baekhyun could feel a butterfly taking flight in his stomach at Kyungsoo's promising words, “What kind of person are you?”

 

Kyungsoo blinks at the question, but without missing a beat, he replies dutifully, “Honest, I suppose, and loyal.” A short laugh slips past his lips, “Some people would categorise me as boring.”

 

Baekhyun scoffs at Kyungsoo's answer, waving it off in disbelief, “You're not boring.”

 

Kyungsoo holds his gaze, giving into a laugh, “It's not like you have a choice in who stays by your bedside as you're recovering.”

 

He stares at the canines peeking out of Kyungsoo's lips, too fascinated with the way his lips move. Baekhyun smiles, shaking his head at Kyungsoo's words. Unbelievable, he thinks.

 

“You're right, I don't have a choice,” Baekhyun pokes at Kyungsoo's buttons, satisfied at the way Kyungsoo's lips stretch wider in an amused grin. “Is Yixing up for debate?”

 

Kyungsoo's shoulders shake in laughter and Baekhyun laughs along, scrunching his nose in fondness at the childlike amusement he holds in his features. Baekhyun stares at the boy a little too long and he thinks that even if he had a choice, he would still choose Kyungsoo, out of the growing curiousity he has for the artistic hands Kyungsoo owns and the heart-shaped smile on his lips.

 

“There's something I'm curious about though,” Baekhyun starts, a hope beginning to blossom within himself.

 

“Shoot,” Kyungsoo tilts his head, waiting.

 

Baekhyun fidgets, his fingers tapping against the sheets, “Have you always been this nice with strangers?”

 

Kyungsoo snorts all too loudly in Baekhyun's ears, startling and surprising him at the same time. The boy apologises for the sudden sound and laughs a little, “No, I'm usually hard to approach.”

 

Baekhyun's eyes grow bigger at the reply, he tries to imagine Kyungsoo intimidating with the slightly chubby cheeks and wide set gaze. The image is impossible to conjure as he gazes at the soft planes of Kyungsoo's face.

 

“What's the change?”

 

Kyungsoo's eyes soften, glancing at Baekhyun briefly before falling to the floor. A light flush covers his cheeks as he retorts, “Maybe wounded patients are more of my calling.”

 

Baekhyun giggles at that, eyes crinkling. Kyungsoo has a huge grin on his face and Baekhyun never wants it wiped off.

 

“How about you then?”

 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, unsure of what Kyungsoo is insinuating, “What about me?”

 

A soft smile takes form on Kyungsoo's lips, “What kind of person are you?”

 

The question sinks in and Baekhyun ponders about the answers he could give. _Stubborn_ , he could imagine Jongdae saying. _A pest,_ Sehun would say with his signature lopsided smile. He could also hear the answer from Taehyung and Yoongi in unison, _mischevious._ Soojung would joke around, flipping her hair behind, _an annoying oppa._

 

Baekhyun could hear the pride in Leader Jinki's voice, answering, _a Saviour._

 

“Bright and loud,” Baekhyun eventually answers Kyungsoo's question. He smiles, a chuckle slipping past his lips at the thought of it, “Others would call me plain annoying though.”

 

There is a teasing lilt in Kyungsoo's voice and Baekhyun catches onto it, “A pest, I suppose?”

 

Baekhyun laughs, “Exactly.”

 

Kyungsoo pretends to consider his answer, tapping a finger against his chin, “There are no pests allowed in the house though.”

 

Baekhyun snorts at the joke Kyungsoo made, nudging the boy's arm with his elbow, “That's a bit try-hard.”

 

The boy joins Baekhyun in his laughter, “I know. I was cringing at myself.”

 

A loud snore, out of nowhere, startles the two of them, interrupting their laughter for a brief second before it grows again, harmonising in the air. The snores continue, rippling through the walls. Amusement tickles at the corners of Baekhyun's eyes in the form of tears.

 

“I'm sorry,” Kyungsoo apologises, his words stumbling over his laughs. “That's my roommate, Chanyeol. He's a big snorer, I almost forgot to mention.”

 

Baekhyun lifts an eyebrow at the mention of an unknown name. “Chanyeol?” he questions. “You have two roommates?”

 

The laughter eases into a smile on Kyungsoo's lips. He nods, “Yixing hyung doesn't really live here, he lives on campus of his medical school. He sometimes comes back for weekends.”

 

The information sinks into Baekhyun's head as Kyungsoo continues to explain the situation of the apartment, “Chanyeol goes to the same art school as I do. The three of us split the rent and eat takeout when there isn't anything in the fridge.”

 

“Is that healthy?”

 

Kyungsoo shrugs, “I'm content with this and for all I know, Chanyeol would rather eat pizza than anything else so we are good.”

 

Baekhyun gazes at Kyungsoo, constant questions leaving his lips in the wake of his protruding curiosity, “What about Yixing-ssi then?”

 

A snort comes out of Kyungsoo, “Yixing hyung gets full meals at his campus, it's probably one of the reasons why he doesn't come back often.”

 

Baekhyun chuckles. His eyes twinkle with interest as he continues to fire questions at Kyungsoo, clearly fascinated with the normal life he has the privilege of having, “How's Chanyeol like?”

 

“Noisy.” There is a sort of fondness in Kyungsoo's eyes as he describes the other roommate to Baekhyun, “He's a giant and he plays the guitar well. Wishes to compose music one day. He's really sociable, you'd get along with him fine.”

 

Kyungsoo cracks a grin, glancing at Baekhyun, “I'll introduce you both in the morning.”

 

Baekhyun hums, listening to the lilt in Kyungsoo's raspy voice. It seems so crazy and unfamiliar to him to witness such normality in the world he lives in. Being in the M.A. practically his entire life, he doesn't know any other kind of life other than practising his powers, fixed schedules, missions out of the blue and rare visits to Jongdae's home.

 

Even then, he couldn't indulge in the life outside of the military camp. His manners are still intact, stiff and back straightened in the humble abode of Jongdae's single mother and himself. Baekhyun can't shake off the habits he has grown to have as both a soldier and a Saviour.

 

Baekhyun sighs, he cannot get used to being tied to a bed out of an excuse of a head injury when he has responsibilities to fulfil as a Saviour.

 

He can't get used to it because of the risk he brings into the mundane society with the powers he holds within his hands.

 

“Don't you miss home?” Baekhyun asks suddenly, the question popping up in his head. He wonders if Kyungsoo has a home, unlike him. “Like your family and all?”

 

Kyungsoo makes a noise at the back of his throat at the question and he recovers, clearing his throat. He presses his lips together and replies, “Sometimes.”

 

“I wish I knew where home was,” Baekhyun mutters to himself quietly so that Kyungsoo can't hear him, breathing out a long sigh, averting his gaze to the blankets covering him. His hands clutch onto the blankets, fingering the soft fabric underneath his touch.

 

“Do you still not remember?”

 

Baekhyun turns back to Kyungsoo, shocked at the question but then Kyungsoo explain further, “The morning? And your head injury?”

 

Baekhyun makes a noise of realisation, pushing down the feelings of nervousness. His shoulders slouch, “No.” There is disappointment and irritation on Baekhyun's features as he quips, “It's hard to think when my head is throbbing.”

 

Kyungsoo reaches his hand out to pat Baekhyun's arm, thumb rubbing against his skin in assurance, “Like I said earlier, you don't have to remember it now. You might be suffering mild amnesia.”

 

Baekhyun almost chortles at the irony, he mutters under his breath in a bitter tone, “It wouldn't be the first.”

 

“You just have to rest and take your medicine obediently,” Kyungsoo continues advising, no indication of hearing the uttered words from Baekhyun's mouth.

 

He fixates his focus on the circles Kyungsoo draws with his thumb instead. A warmth fills Baekhyun's being, emitting off Kyungsoo's fingers. There is a sense of comfort in the way Kyungsoo is slightly leaning into Baekhyun with his hand on Baekhyun's arm, and he indulges in that instead of being drowned by the thoughts in his mind.

 

Baekhyun nods along to Kyungsoo's words, eyes blinking against the shadows dancing around in the room. The chill of the night gets to his toes, travelling up the length of his body, but it isn't unwanted. He basks in the fusion of both the warmth and the cold, enjoying the lukewarm feeling settling within.

 

Silence fills the air and just as Baekhyun parts his lips to say something, he hears a light breathing a little too close to his ear. He turns to see Kyungsoo dozing off on the chair, fingers still against Baekhyun's arm and his chin tucked in. His eyes are closed, eyelids fluttering as a wave of dreams erupt beneath. Baekhyun peers closely at the boy's sleeping form, taking notice of a few marks on his face from acne or something else entirely. Kyungsoo's lips pout further, deep in his sleep and Baekhyun has to drag his eyes away from his mouth to focus on something else.

 

Baekhyun feels helpless, his body feels too sore to even move an inch to help Kyungsoo move into a more comfortable position. His fingers ghost over Kyungsoo's hand on his arm and he mutters an apology before tracing his fingers softly.

 

He leans back into his pillow, afraid to move his arm and awake Kyungsoo. He stares a second longer at Kyungsoo's peaceful features, at the lashes resting on his cheekbones. Baekhyun utters a goodnight before diving into a dreamless sleep and wishing the same for Kyungsoo.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kyungsoo wasn't lying when he said he would introduce his roommate to Baekhyun in the morning.

 

Though, Baekhyun expected it in a less extravagant fashion.

 

“Yixing said you have to stay in bed for a week at least,” Kyungsoo says as a form of his greeting in the morning, bursting into the room with a tray balanced on his hand, the other hand turning the door knob. He settles the tray down on the desk, turning around with a smile, “So I figured we bring the breakfast to you.”

 

Baekhyun blinks, it's a bit too early in the morning and he barely woke up. He rubs absent-mindedly at his eyes, stifling a yawn as he questions, “We?”

 

Kyungsoo nods, jerking his chin at the door where someone is leaning against the frame. Baekhyun widens his eyes in surprise, not expecting to see someone else in the room, much less a long-limbed boy with a fiery mop of hair messed up due to sleep, he bets. The boy raises a two finger salute as his greeting and Baekhyun assumes it's the roommate Kyungsoo had been talking about last night.

 

“That's Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo confirms Baekhyun's assumptions. “Chanyeol, this is Baekhyun.”

 

Chanyeol grins at Baekhyun all too brightly even for the morning, “Nice to meet you, Baekhyun.” He doesn't come closer, merely stays where he is, by the door frame. “I'm sorry that I didn't come to visit but after music finals, I knocked out. You'd understand, right?”

 

Baekhyun nods, dazed, hearing too many words when he barely opened his eyes a few minutes ago. Out of the blue, Chanyeol pulls out a bouquet of flowers from behind his back, presenting them to Baekhyun. His eyes drift to the bright yellow tulips covered by a delicate white wrapping, bounded tightly by a maroon ribbon. There are too many colours at once to process and Chanyeol inches closer to place the bouquet by Baekhyun's side on the bed, the grin unwavering from his face.

 

“Since you're sick and all,” is all Chanyeol says to explain the sudden bouquet of flowers when Baekhyun eyes it by his side, the petals lightly touching his arm. 

 

Kyungsoo rolls his eyes at Chanyeol, retorting, “It's not a hospital, 'Yeol.” He rests his gaze on Baekhyun, his face expression turning apologetic. “Sorry, Chanyeol is known to be a little dramatic. Would you like toast?”

 

He offers a toast to Baekhyun, eyes hopeful and inviting. Baekhyun lifts his gaze and surveys both of their faces before announcing with a clear of his throat, sleepiness still laced in his voice,“I need to pee.”

 

Kyungsoo makes an 'o' shape with his lips, dropping the toast back on the plate. He bites his lip, hesitating, “Do you need me to help...?”

 

Baekhyun's eyes widen and he shakes his head immediately, “No, no! Just help me up and I can do the rest, I think.”

 

“I'll help,” Chanyeol offers with a smile and a hand poised, reaching out to assist Baekhyun to walk towards the bathroom. 

 

Baekhyun doesn't protest, merely grips onto Chanyeol's arm as he struggles to get up from the bed. He feels the heaviness of his head on his shoulders, the pain being pushed to the front of his head, pounding and pounding. Baekhyun's feet hit the floor, the coldness of the marble floor shooting up his body alarmingly.

 

The dizziness rushes to his head as soon as Baekhyun tries to take his first step, causing him to stumble on his two feet. Chanyeol immediately holds onto Baekhyun, guiding the smaller male as slowly as he can match to Baekhyun's pace. The pain clings to his head but Baekhyun doesn't waver. He sucks in a breath, gritting his teeth and withstanding the discomfort as he staggers, with Chanyeol's hand steadying him for any clumsy steps, towards the bathroom in the living room.

 

Baekhyun barely takes a look around, just wanting to empty his bladder as soon as he could and lie back down. Before he enters the bathroom, a foot already in, Kyungsoo comes rushing out to meet him with a towel in his clutch.

 

He passes it to Baekhyun silently, as Baekhyun looks down at the towel, puzzled at the need of a towel during a pee break.

 

“To wash up,” Kyungsoo explains upon seeing the perplexity Baekhyun wears. “Might as well do so when you're up and moving.”

 

Baekhyun makes a noise of understanding and thanks Kyungsoo quietly before closing the bathroom door behind him. He hangs the towel on the rail, stifling the laughter at the sight of a penguin patterned fabric, akin to a child's towel preference. Baekhyun takes his steps slowly around the bathroom, takes his time scalding his skin with the hot water raining down on him.

 

His head feels lighter, his heart eased by the quick shower. Steam from the hot shower envelopes him briefly as Baekhyun dries himself off. He presses his lips together in a line, hiding the smile at the sight of the penguins decorating the white towel. The thought of Kyungsoo owning such a kid-like and animal patterned towel makes Baekhyun smile to himself. There is an imagined imagery of Kyungsoo using the towel and it’s an adorable sight.

  
There is a knock on the bathroom door and he hears a husky voice calling out, “Hey, are you done?”  
  


Baekhyun quickly wraps the towel around his waist, tucking it in tightly so it wouldn’t fall off. He replies in a loud tone just as he unlocks the bathroom door, sliding it open, “Yeah!”

  
Kyungsoo stands before him, fist poised to knock again. Baekhyun leans against the door, head gently propped against the frame for stability and to avoid the pain from rushing through his head once more.   
  


Kyungsoo is staring, Baekhyun realises, as the boy stays mute. Upon seeing Baekhyun, his eyes drift from Baekhyun’s features, down to his upper body. His lips are parted, stuck at the start of a sentence, as his gaze lingers a little too long on Baekhyun’s chest. A breath catches in Baekhyun's throat, just as mute as Kyungsoo is, except he is watching, body rigid at the way Kyungsoo's eyes follow the trail of a droplet streaming down his chest. There is a flush reddening on Baekhyun's chest and cheeks at the sudden open-mouthed silence Kyungsoo is under and the heavy-lidded gaze Kyungsoo is setting Baekhyun under.  
  


Baekhyun crosses his arms self-consciously, retrieving Kyungsoo's attention back by clearing his throat, “Is there something you'd like to ask?”  
  


Kyungsoo blinks, regaining his composure. His teeth have sunken down onto his bottom lip and his eyes move to somewhere else, a spot over Baekhyun's shoulder, straight into the bathroom. He avoids Baekhyun's gaze, pushing the clothes to Baekhyun with minimal contact as possible. A droplet plops down, hitting Kyungsoo's hand and he retracts it away from Baekhyun as quickly as possible.  
  


“These are my spare clothes,” Kyungsoo mutters quietly and Baekhyun had to strain his ears to hear him clearly. “If there's anything that you can't fit, just let me know.”   
  


Baekhyun nods, holding onto the clothes in his hands. He briefly glances at the clothes before lifting his eyes at Kyungsoo, gratitude expressed in his voice, “Thanks.”   
  


Kyungsoo waves him away, a smile threatening to break on his lips, Baekhyun could tell he is fighting it. He finally looks away from the bathroom, to peer into Baekhyun's eyes with a slight intensity. The doe-eyed boy takes treading steps backwards, his gaze still fixated on Baekhyun. He jerks his chin towards the bathroom, signalling Baekhyun to change into his clothes.   
  


The clothes feel heavy in Baekhyun's grip, just as heavy his heart feels when he closes the bathroom door behind him. He refuses to relent to the noisy thoughts in his mind. His head is already in pain, he doesn't need to add on to that with a bigger migraine to nurse.   
  


It's a plain black tee with no words or pattern on it and it fits Baekhyun's torso, hugging his figure. He slips on the striped bottoms next. As soon as Baekhyun gets dressed, he takes a look at himself and laughs at the way Kyungsoo's clothes fit him snugly. The boy must have worn baggy clothes his whole life, Baekhyun imagines the shirt on Kyungsoo instead, imagining a sight where the hem ends lower than it does on Baekhyun's body.   
  


Baekhyun feels his head throb and he reaches for the bathroom door again, slumping against it once he slides it open. He lets out a grunt as he slowly shuffles towards the bedroom, eyes too focused on his footsteps to even look up and face the morning sun blaring through the see-through curtains. There is a slight tap on his shoulder and he feels a hand sliding across his shoulders, gently helping him walk.   
  


“You should have called out for help,” the raspy voice scolds half-heartedly and Baekhyun lifts his eyes to meet Kyungsoo's soft ones in a trance.    
  


Baekhyun chuckles, leaning into Kyungsoo a little more for stability and to chase the warmth residing in him. He realises that Kyungsoo is a few inches shorter than him, but he's sturdier, his hand clutching onto Baekhyun's shoulder firmly. Baekhyun turns, the tip of his nose and his lips brushing past Kyungsoo's black hair strands. He tenses at the contact, immediately turning away from Kyungsoo to avoid causing any discomfort to the doe-eyed boy.    
  


Baekhyun draws away slightly once Kyungsoo sits him down on the bed. He pats down on Baekhyun's shoulder as he reaches for the tray on the desk, presenting it to Baekhyun properly on the bed. Kyungsoo's eyes dart between the tray and the bed, as if contemplating something.   
  


“Would you like me to feed you...?” Kyungsoo asks in a hesitant tone, uncertainty clear in his fidgety fingers and wavering eyes.    
  


Baekhyun grabs the toast from Kyungsoo's fingers, taking a tentative bite out of it. He smiles assuringly at Kyungsoo, “You don't have to feed me, 'Soo. I have hands.”   
  


A shy smile blossoms on Kyungsoo's lips and his eyes glint brightly, Baekhyun could see the light glowing in those irises.   
  


“'Soo?” Kyungsoo questions the nickname and lowers his chin, looking at Baekhyun properly through his long lashes with his heavy gaze, a kind of stare that Baekhyun can't decipher.   
  


Baekhyun gives a nervous laugh, “It came out naturally.”    
  


He munches on the toast, gulping the chewed pieces down as Kyungsoo continues to take glances at him whilst they eat in silence. Baekhyun has his eyes averted, fixated on the tremble in his hands and ignoring the fast-paced pulse pounding against his wrist. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see a hint of a smile on Kyungsoo's face. He absent-mindedly takes a sip of the water, wondering how did he end up on a bed with a bandage wrapped around his head and eating toast with a stranger.    
  


Baekhyun couldn't even begin to remember the morning of when he was found at park bench, supposedly told by Kyungsoo. He couldn't even remember the reason why he was wounded and how did he end up in Seoul. The many unanswered questions puzzle his head and it tires him to the core that he can't properly decipher a single memory from the incident.   
  


He is getting used to normality, being a wounded patient at someone's apartment far away from the military grounds that he is forced to label as home.   
  


Baekhyun could get used to being a normal human being, without the fear of taking the light out of someone.   
  


He just has to pretend that he can't summon the light to his fingertips and control every aspect of light. He has to live in pretence that his hands do not hold the power to seize onto a soul in somebody and take it for himself. Baekhyun has to deal with the hiding then, creating a big web of lies that is simple enough to be believed.   
  


He takes a furtive glance at Kyungsoo, remembering the things he had done for him and the lies that Baekhyun has to tell in a form of a story just to be accepted. The ball of guilt grows in the pit of Baekhyun's stomach as Kyungsoo's previous repeat in his head about him being an honest and loyal person.   
  


Baekhyun can't be that. He has to protect others from himself, with these lies.   
  


Kyungsoo's fingers tap against Baekhyun's forehead out of a sudden, startling Baekhyun out of his deep reverie. There is a crease between Kyungsoo's eyebrows and Baekhyun keeps his hands to himself, destroying the urge within him to ease the crease. Baekhyun feels the pads of Kyungsoo's fingers running down his forehead horizontally, against the bandage tenderly.   
  


“Do you want me to redress your injury?” Kyungsoo flashes a concerned expression at Baekhyun. “Yixing taught me how to so don't worry about me screwing it up.”   
  


Baekhyun smiles, restraining the urge to chuckle at Kyungsoo's hesitance. He waves his hand, allowing Kyungsoo, “Go ahead. I trust you anyway.”   
  


Kyungsoo's timid fingers pause at the bandage, eyes searching Baekhyun's, “Really?”   
  


Baekhyun merely smiles, assuring the doe-eyed boy with a nod. He sets down the glass of water and pushes the tray to the foot of the bed as he leans further back into the sheets, trying to find a comfortable position. Kyungsoo's fingers leave his forehead and he hurries to grab the first aid kit from Chanyeol's room.    
  


Kyungsoo sits with his knees folded underneath, pushed into the white sheets. He opens the box, revealing its contents of various pills for different sicknesses, bandages of different sizes, and items that Baekhyun, himself, can't make out but he hopes that they are used in good intention for recovery.   
  


Baekhyun watches silently and patiently as Kyungsoo prepares the materials to redress his head injury. He leans forward into Baekhyun, fingers reaching out once more to unwrap the bandage from his head. 

 

“What's with the sudden trust in me though?” Kyungsoo asks, his voice slicing through the silence and surprising Baekhyun with the question. “We kind of just met.”

 

Baekhyun smiles again, “You did save my life.”

 

At that answer, Baekhyun notices a twitch on Kyungsoo's lips before he slowly relents to a smile and Baekhyun fights the urge to grin widely, pulling his gaze away to fixate on a spot on the sheets.

 

Kyungsoo pushes a towel into Baekhyun's arms, muttering a warning, “There might be a spillage of blood.”  
  


Thus, Baekhyun grasps onto the towel, eyes fluttering close as Kyungsoo's nimble fingers slowly pull onto the bandage to come undone from his head.Baekhyun watches silently and patiently as Kyungsoo prepares the materials to redress his head injury. He leans forward into Baekhyun, fingers reaching out once more to unwrap the bandage from his head. 

 

Kyungsoo pushes a towel into Baekhyun's arms, muttering a warning, “There might be a spillage of blood.”

 

Thus, Baekhyun grasps onto the towel, eyes fluttering close as Kyungsoo's nimble fingers slowly pull onto the bandage to come undone from his head.

 

"So what do you do?" Kyungsoo casually pops in the question, his breath ghosting over tip of Baekhyun's nose

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, inhaling the scent of peppermint mixed in with oranges on Kyungsoo's breath, and feels his heart stop for a second at the question. He contemplates on the answer, thinking of a perfect lie to fool Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun can't say that he is studying at a university like Kyungsoo and his roommates, especially when he can't prepare a lie on what he is studying and the university he is enrolling. He can't tell Kyungsoo that he is a bum, living on temporary jobs, because then, it'd be a long string of lies. He needs something a little closer to the truth but not too close to giving away the identity of the M.A.

 

"A soldier," is what Baekhyun decides on, breathing out the words with his eyes closed. "Dedicating my life to this country is what I do," he continues with a forced laugh.

 

His heart is pounding a little too loud in his ears and over the heavy pounding, he hears Kyungsoo humming a random tune under his breath, acknowledging Baekhyun's reply.

 

Baekhyun swears he could hear the smile in Kyungsoo's words and he bets the boy is sporting one, "Awfully patriotic, aren't you? And brave."

 

Baekhyun chokes out a laugh at Kyungsoo's answer. His eyes flutter open mid-laugh and he finds himself staring into Kyungsoo's irises. Their mouths are just a few inches away and Baekhyun can only inhale Kyungsoo's peppermint breath at this close proximity. His heart paces a little faster and he forgets how to breathe in counts, his heartbeat halting every few seconds from the short distance between him and Kyungsoo.

 

There is a hint of a smile on Kyungsoo's lips and Baekhyun forces himself to look away before he does something stupid like diving in for something more.

 

Normality is indeed a funny and strange thing. So is attraction.

 

"I'm not that brave," Baekhyun practically whispers into the parted gap of Kyungsoo's lips, struggling to even take a breath properly.

 

It is true, Baekhyun is not that brave. Jongdae might say otherwise, even Leader Jinki would protest. He can already hear the sincerity and wisdom in Leader Jinki's voice as he reassures Baekhyun and convinces him of his courage.

 

 _"You are brave,"_ Baekhyun would imagine Leader Jinki saying, a hand out to pat on Baekhyun's shoulder. _"Brave enough to live with such dangerous powers."_

 

But Baekhyun wouldn't call staying in the basement, sitting on his hands on the concreted floor and yearning for a life outside of the M.A. brave. He wouldn't call waking up in the middle of the night, sweating from his screams during another nightmare, brave. He wouldn't look at himself in the mirror and call the slouched boy with timidity along the curve of his lips brave. Cowardice is what runs through his fingertips, Baekhyun is always better at running away from his problems and then, having an absolute mental breakdown when it comes crashing down on him on random days.

 

And as Baekhyun opts to stay on the sidelines, merely taking glances downwards at Kyungsoo's plump lips, the cowardice burns within him, setting fire to any spark of bravery that he may have.

 

Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow before pulling away with the bundled up bandage in his hand, blood stains tainting the whiteness of it. It doesn't faze Kyungsoo in the slightest. He merely grabs a few cotton pads and dabs them in water before wiping gently at Baekhyun's forehead.

 

Baekhyun hisses at the contact, the wetness of the cotton pad stings the wounded area. He clenches his eyes shut as a few droplets of water stream down the length of his nose. Baekhyun wipes it off with the towel, fascinated with the way it comes off bloody. Kyungsoo continues to pat on Baekhyun's forehead with the wet cotton dabs, cleaning the remnants of blood on his skin. Baekhyun grits his teeth at the stinging pain it brings as Kyungsoo is already doing it with gentle touches.

 

“What makes you think you're not brave?” Kyungsoo inquires out of the blue as he blows lightly on Baekhyun's skin, tickling the strings of Baekhyun's heart.

 

There is curiosity in Kyungsoo's irises and Baekhyun wants to satisfy it but his lips stop moving, he can't think of a proper answer to that.

 

_Many things,_ Baekhyun wants to say.  _You, amidst them._

 

_Myself, as well. I'm scared of myself._

 

Instead, Baekhyun pushes those thoughts away and answers Kyungsoo as truthfully as he could without disclosing any seed of it, “I can't deal with deaths or any pain as you can tell.” A chuckle leaves his lips, “I'm so cowardly, I run away all the time.”

 

He could feel the cotton pad stop, pressed against his forehead at another wounded area. Kyungsoo shakes his head firmly at Baekhyun, a fire breathing in his irises, reeking of determination and seriousness. Baekhyun stares, unable to even look away, afraid that he won't be able to witness the sparks of it.

 

“Living through the pain is braver than anything else,” Kyungsoo asserts, jaw set. The fire sparks off Baekhyun's skin and he never wants it to stop. 

 

Kyungsoo glances back at the spot on Baekhyun's forehead, continues to press on the wounded area tenderly. Baekhyun lets Kyungsoo's words bask him in the warmth that he carries with him. Baekhyun wants to believe Kyungsoo's words but as he looks back at how he is as a Saviour, in comparison to the rest, he realises that he is nowhere close to the definition of brave.

 

Silence falls upon them, a blanket wrapping the both warmly as the morning sun beats on and the chilly air of the night before lingers at the corners. It's not all too uncomfortable, Baekhyun closes his eyes once again as he listens to the birds chirping outside the windows, sucks in a breath of the morning air tainted with peppermint and oranges.

 

Kyungsoo continues with the task at hand and Baekhyun feels a slicker and thicker substance rubbed onto his forehead lightly. He assumes it's the medicated lotion that Kyungsoo is applying on the wounded spots. Then, he feels cloth gingerly pressed against his skin, then tightly snug around his head as Kyungsoo makes a round with the bandage. Baekhyun sighs in relief once Kyungsoo's hands leave his skin but he doesn't welcome the cold returning, yearns greedily for the warmth again.

 

“You're all done!” Kyungsoo exclaims with a relieved sigh and Baekhyun fights a smile urging on to his lips as he opens his eyes to see a satisfied grin on Kyungsoo's face.

 

Baekhyun relents to the urge after all, gratitude shown on the upward curve of his lips. He lifts a hand to touch the bandage lightly. It is wrapped a whole lighter than before, and his head doesn't feel too dizzy as before. Baekhyun reaches out to pull the breakfast tray towards him.

 

He holds out a plate of two remaining toasts towards Kyungsoo, still smiling. The pun rolls off his tongue easily as Baekhyun grabs one of the pieces and presents it at the doe-eyed boy, “Toast?”

 

A laugh bubbles out of Kyungsoo's lips, delighting Baekhyun's ears. He drops the towel that he had been wiping his hands on and grabs the last piece of toast. He holds it out to Baekhyun's as well, “Toast to your upcoming recovery!”

 

Baekhyun laughs along, as their pieces of toasts touch in a brief second of an imitation of a drink toast. Before he bites onto the toast, he adds, “And to our new found friendship.”

 

Kyungsoo smiles wider at that, lips closing around the toast. He munches around the bitten piece and swallows it down before saying, “And your bravery for surviving whatever you went through.”

 

A light beams within Baekhyun, it's growing and growing. He could feel the warmth spreading throughout his body at Kyungsoo's soft spoken words and he can't fight it off.

 

There are so many questions unanswered in his mind, piled along with his condescending thoughts of himself and the world he lived in, but for now, the one clear thought is Kyungsoo and his way with his words.

 

Baekhyun continues to chew on the toast, sharing smiles with the doe-eyed boy and small talk fills the air.

 

And the light continues to breathe within Kyungsoo's irises fixated on Baekhyun, just as the light continues to breathe in himself, fighting on.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“What are you thinking about?” a question breaks Baekhyun out of his reverie, bringing him back to the present. He glances up from his bowl of cereal, seeing the worry on Kyungsoo's face.  
  


“How do you know if I were thinking about something?” Baekhyun counters back, scooping cereal with milk and bringing the spoon to his lips. He slurps on the milk, letting the coldness wash down his throat.

 

It's a Friday morning and Kyungsoo suggested eating at the dining table for a fresh breath of air (though, Baekhyun rather drinks in the scent of the incense sticks in Kyungsoo's room). Baekhyun has been well enough to sit at the dining table for breakfast, so he does that and eats cereal as normally as a human being on a weekday. The bandage is still wrapped around his head, though Yixing has made a promise to come by later in the evening to help him take it off.

 

His head isn't throbbing as much as usual, but his heart is starting to at the thought of recovery and then, leaving.

 

“I can practically hear you thinking,” Kyungsoo says, scoffing. He continues to spread jam onto his toast, flickering his gaze towards Baekhyun. “Is something bothering you?”

 

Baekhyun moves the cereal around in his bowl, watching the milk slosh and splatters a little onto the table. He bites on his lip, contemplating. He has never felt like this before, never had to deal with any of these … affectionate feelings. He has known life as training and fighting as a Saviour, and dying for M.A., for the better of this country.

 

“Not really,” Baekhyun lies through his teeth, as several thoughts brim his mind. Does he ask someone about this? Must there be a confession?

 

“He's probably thinking about you,” Chanyeol casually adds into the conversation out of nowhere, causing Baekhyun to choke on the milk he had been slurping from the spoon. Kyungsoo glances at the taller boy in surprise, eyes widened at his words.

 

Chanyeol looks at both of them, an indifferent expression on his features. He had stealthily walk into the kitchen, disrupting the morning with his obnoxious voice. Baekhyun ought to do something to this boy, maybe he can subtly scare Chanyeol with an illusion just for the gags, but then he'd risk getting his powers found out.

 

That's not something Baekhyun would risk in any near future.

 

Instead, Baekhyun merely sends a glare in his direction and Chanyeol ignores it, retracing his steps, his shoulders shaking from a light laugh, “I'm joking, I'm joking. God, you two need to lighten up.”

 

“Don't you have something better to do?” Baekhyun mumbles, avoiding Kyungsoo's stare. “Like a project or something...”

 

Baekhyun hears a slam of a mug on the kitchen counter, assuming that it's Chanyeol as he answers Baekhyun, “If you want me to leave that badly, just say so.”

 

Silence ensues and Baekhyun tries to keep his gaze down, averting the rest. Kyungsoo hasn't said a word since Chanyeol barged in with his long limbs and loud voice so he can only imagine the horror that had been on his face when he heard what Chanyeol said as a jest to Baekhyun.

 

 _Had I been so obvious?_ Baekhyun wonders and immediately diminishes the thought. He has other things to worry about, mainly the head injury that he can't fully recover from.

 

“Yixing hyung is coming later, right?” Baekhyun asks once again, checking. He still refuses to look up, his fingers tapping against the now empty bowl.

 

He hears Kyungsoo humming, “To check your condition, yes.”

 

Baekhyun lowers his head, pushing the chair back. He attempts to get up from his seat but suddenly, something pokes into his head sharply like a knife plunged into him. Baekhyun falls to his seat, clutching onto the side of the table for stability. He winces out loud, eyes shut in pain.

 

“Hey, hey,” he hears rustling somewhere and someone slides an arm around him. Kyungsoo's voice is clearer now, his breath tickling the tip of Baekhyun's ear, “Is your head hurting again?”

 

Baekhyun barely manages a nod and he feels himself being pulled up, into Kyungsoo's arms. He hears Kyungsoo instructing Chanyeol to do... something, he can't fathom any words, any of the syllables spoken when his head feels like it's tearing apart.

 

 _Why is this happening now?_ Every time Baekhyun tries to open his eyes, wanting to straighten up and tell the other two that he's okay, it slams into him like a brick, not allowing him to even take a deep inhale of air.

 

And he had been recovering so well too.

 

Kyungsoo leads him slowly to the bedroom, with soft and gentle whispers, warning him of any obstacles in his path, gingerly directing him with slow steps through the living room. His voice is soothing, the only thread that Baekhyun is holding onto as his head is being pulled apart by a sharp force.

 

He is lowered down onto the bed and he tries to open his eyes but the light, this time, is too bright for him to handle so he keeps them closed. Baekhyun calms himself down with measured breaths, like how Yixing had taught him when he came over for small visits. He slowly lulls himself to sleep and with the last bit of consciousness, Baekhyun feels Kyungsoo's touch on his eyelids, tender and soft like a kiss. Kyungsoo's voice echoes through his mind, the words are like a blur Baekhyun can't decipher. It becomes a faraway sound, slipping through Baekhyun's fingers fast like quicksand.

 

It's the last thing he remembers before he gets plunged in deep into the waters.

 

The first thing Baekhyun thinks is that he can't breathe.

 

The second thought is that it's another nightmare, but this time, it feels real.

 

He opens his eyes and he sees the vast ocean around him. Nothing but the dark blue surrounding his body, engulfing him in the water, sucking him in like the current. Baekhyun feels his body getting swayed easily by the oncoming waves, unable to fight it off, unable to even move. His body is like a paper weight slowly descending deeper and deeper into the ocean.

 

The third thought comes when Baekhyun finds that his lungs have been suffocating, dying for an intake of air. He tries to pad towards the clearing but it's so far away, so so far out of his reach.

 

There is something holding onto his ankles, pulling him down underneath and Baekhyun can't shake the hold off, it's breaching into the walls of his mind, wrapping around his heart. It is taking over him, the water floods into his system and Baekhyun flails, fights for the last time.

 

He fights and fights, clawing at the water and reaching out to the sun, but he gets dragged down underneath.

 

Baekhyun hears someone screaming, and it takes a few seconds to realise that it's him. With that realisation hitting him, his eyes fly open and the screaming stops. The light cuts through his vision mercilessly and when he tries to turn around, his head feels heavier, like a rock sitting on top of a pillow.

 

“What were you dreaming of?”

 

Baekhyun drifts his eyes slowly to his side to see Yixing gingerly wiping off his sweat. His surroundings come back to him and he starts to feel the soft material of the towel against his skin, gently absorbing the beads of perspiration around his temples. Yixing's question settles in and Baekhyun realises that he had been making noise, screaming and trashing around in his bed in his nightmare, seeing that the sheets are strewn all over, his hands tightly clutched around the blanket.

 

His grip loosens and Yixing continues talking in his soft spoken voice, “Kyungsoo has left for his classes. I forced him to go after he acted so stubborn, staying by your side.”

 

Baekhyun wants to nod, acknowledging his words but he can't even move or lift a single finger. Everything wears him out, even focusing his gaze on Yixing. His heart is slowing down to a normal pulse after the sudden attack of a nightmare out of nowhere.

 

It had been so long since he had a nightmare, Baekhyun doesn't enjoy the reminder of them.

 

“I changed your bandage and all you need to do now is take your medicine and sleep,” Yixing advises, with a small reassuring smile. Baekhyun lets out a long sigh, slumping further into the bed.

 

“Th–”

 

Yixing interrupts, “Don't thank me. Just rest.” He forcefully closes Baekhyun's eyelids, patting against them once before leaving Baekhyun cold against the bed sheets. There's rustling around the room and he can only assume it's Yixing, then, the door slams closed and he's left alone with his thoughts loud in his head. His nightmares seem like they have always been at the brink of his head, easily pulling him in without a warning.

 

Recovery, Baekhyun thinks, is a long way to go. An end that he can't fully reach.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You didn't have to come!” 

 

Baekhyun's hand hovers over the glass of water by his bedside at the sudden noise outside, or more specifically at Kyungsoo's loud voice which is quite a rarity, Baekhyun has come to find out in the few days he has been here. He waits, fingers tapping against the glass. A few seconds passed in silence and then, the door bursts open, surprising him even though he had been expecting it.

 

There is a different boy standing at the foot of the door. As Baekhyun rakes his eyes over the boy, he realises that he is almost as tall as Chanyeol. His hair is a dyed dark shade of pink, a sight that Baekhyun rarely sees, and he wears a cheeky smile. He is holding a bouquet of white daisies.  _Another flower bouquet,_ Baekhyun muses dryly.

 

“Hi!” the boy greets, waving excitedly with his smile growing into a wide grin. 

 

Baekhyun chuckles at the enthusiasm that the boy holds. Adorable, Baekhyun thinks. The boy ambles over to his bedside and Baekhyun notices Kyungsoo heaving a loud sigh, following right after the boy and closing the door behind him.

 

“These are for you,” the boy holds out the bouquet to Baekhyun, practically shoving it into his arms. 

 

Baekhyun doesn't complain when the whiff of the daisies floats into his nostrils, satisfying his senses. He presses his nose into the flowers, taking an even deeper inhale of the scent, sighing.

 

“Baekhyun hyung, right?” the boy asks and Baekhyun turns to him with a small smile, nodding. The light grows brighter in his eyes and Baekhyun's fingers itches to get a hold of it. “I'm Jongin, Kyungsoo's friend.”

 

“And Yixing hyung's boyfriend,” is what Kyungsoo comments, before covering it up with a cough.

 

The boy – Jongin flashes a glare at Kyungsoo, before swivelling his head back to face Baekhyun with a proper smile, all hints of the glare gone.

 

“Yixing hyung's not my boyfriend,” Jongin explains through gritted teeth. He lets out a sigh before brightening up again, “Anyway, nice to meet you!”

 

Baekhyun parts his lips to say it back to Jongin but he interrupts with his questions, “How have you been? Kyungsoo hyung told me that he was nursing someone so I figured it's polite to visit and send flowers.”

 

Baekhyun chuckles, grinning at the way the light barely flicker in Jongin. It stays upright and unwavering, a rarity in human beings. He shrugs, replying, “I'm actually better. I'm taking off the bandage later so...”

 

Jongin's shoulders immediately slump, his bottom lip jutting out, akin to a grumpy child, “I was late, wasn't I? I even bought flowers...”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head, hugging the bouquet to his chest. He smiles a little too fondly at Jongin, his heart swelling for the cuteness he emits, “No no! I love the daisies by the way. Way better than Chanyeol's tulips.”

 

Baekhyun's words lighten Jongin up and he grins from ear to ear, exclaiming with an exceptionally loud voice that rings through the walls, “Chanyeol, did you hear that? Baekhyun hyung likes my flowers more than you! Ha!”

 

An amused smile remains on Baekhyun's lips as Kyungsoo lightly pats on Baekhyun's forearm with an apologetic expression, “I apologise for his behaviour. I should have kicked him out.”

 

Baekhyun laughs, covering his mouth with his hand, eyes crinkling at the both of them, “No, Jongin's adorable. Keep him.”

 

If Jongin were a dog, his ears would be perking up right now and his tail would be waggling at such a compliment. He laughs in Kyungsoo's face, showing off whilst Kyungsoo waves it away, blames the delusional first impression of Jongin on Baekhyun's head injury, claiming that “there is no way that Baekhyun could ever like a leech like you”.

 

Jongin stays polite and bright and it fuels the light in Baekhyun even more, makes him feel even more energised. He enjoys the childlike innocence living in Jongin, craves for it in himself. The evening is spent away with Jongin and grumbling from Kyungsoo but all is well as Baekhyun interests them in a few funny stories from M.A., with a few details changed.

 

Baekhyun still wishes he could tell the truth.

 

As the day darkens, Jongin notices the descending sun and gets up, stretching his forearms behind him. He cranes his head, rolls it around to rid the cramps. He smiles down at Baekhyun in bed, friendly and gentle.

 

“It was truly nice meeting you, Jongin,” Baekhyun says, grinning at the younger boy. His fingers brush past the daisies, feeling the fondness for it grows in him, “Thanks for the daisies.”

 

Jongin waves it off, “No problem, hyung.” He tilts his head at Baekhyun before sweeping his eyes over the older boy slowly with a scrutinising stare.

 

He is searching for something in Baekhyun's eyes, an answer, a question. But before Baekhyun could even ask what's wrong, Jongin straightens up with his signature smile, all traces of his questioning gaze gone.

 

“Get well soon, Baekhyun hyung,” Jongin wishes him a goodbye, waving at him. Baekhyun feels the light leave him for the day, aching for it.

 

Then, he swivels his head around to meet Kyungsoo's eyes, amusement and exhaustion lined along the lines. The light is there as well, not as bright as Jongin's but a close cut.

 

And Baekhyun holds onto it for now.

 

“I'm really sorry,” Kyungsoo says again. He leans into Baekhyun now, sitting on the edge of his bed, once Jongin has left. “I told him that he doesn't have to visit you but he's a stubborn kid.”

 

Baekhyun lets out a light laugh, “He's really cute. How do you know him?”

 

Kyungsoo lifts both of his eyebrows at Baekhyun's interest in Jongin. He hums, tapping a finger against his chin, “It has been... six? seven years? We've known each other for a while since we were neighbours.”

 

“Trust my word when I say he's indeed a leech. He latches onto anyone that pays him attention,” Kyungsoo continues, mockingly warning Baekhyun.

 

“Seems like he's one of my kind,” Baekhyun laughs again, remembering how he used to latch onto Jongdae's back, refusing to leave his side even when they have to for separate schedules.

 

“Must I take this as a warning?” Kyungsoo jests, lightly laughing along with Baekhyun. “Are you going to cling to me as well?”

 

“Must I ask for permission first?” Baekhyun teases back with a similar question, eyes crinkling as the musical notes of Kyungsoo's laughter wafts into his ears pleasantly.

 

It takes a while for Kyungsoo to answer as the laughter fills the room. He leans closer to Baekhyun, hand closing around Baekhyun's, holding onto the bouquet of daises gifted by Jongin. Baekhyun's eyes drift to the gaze Kyungsoo has him under, the glint shining in those irises. Baekhyun feels his breath halt, his heart stuttering for a full second.

 

“You already have it,” is what Kyungsoo says in answer to Baekhyun's question, taking granted of his surprise to take the bouquet away and line it up next to Chanyeol's.

 

Baekhyun tenses before smiling gently to himself. He lowers himself down onto the bed sheets, but his head accidentally hits the wooden frame, a sharp pain immediately coursing through his body at the sudden hit. He closes his eyes, wincing and reaching up to touch the bandage.

 

A hand takes control of his head, slowly lowering Baekhyun down onto the pillow and then, rubbing slow circles on the affected area. He hears a soft utter of words, “Hey, are you alright? Don't move too quickly, okay? You're still recovering.”

 

Baekhyun nods, unable to open his eyes as the pain slowly dies down into a numb throbbing at the back of his head. He can deal with the numbness for now. He curses at himself for being so clumsy and opens his eyes to reassure Kyungsoo of his condition but finds himself swaying at the tender and genuine expression in Kyungsoo's eyes.

 

This is bad, Baekhyun thinks. This is bad for my health, my heart, everything.

 

Baekhyun already feels his heart flailing slowly at the expense of Kyungsoo, and it's not a good thing. It's not something he wants to deal with when there are deadly powers within his being. He tries to steady his heart, find his footing on the ground and take a few deep breaths.

 

Kyungsoo proceeds to pat Baekhyun's cheeks, the touch warming his heart. Baekhyun looks up and Kyungsoo is smiling at him, eyebrow raised expectantly, “Feeling better?”

 

Baekhyun loses yet another piece of his heart, he slips easily into Kyungsoo's grasp and he finds that he doesn't mind it that much.

 

Not when he is able to grab a hold of the light in Kyungsoo.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Baekhyun has forgotten how it's like to be a Saviour.

 

Or more specifically, he _wants_ to forget being a Saviour. Yet he still remembers it vividly in his nightmares, vibrant recollections of his time at M.A. being played like a dark movie in his mind but in his dreams, he is living a normal life with normal human beings like Kyungsoo, Chanyeol and occasionally, Yixing, when he comes in at odd hours to check on Baekhyun's health.

 

Baekhyun is slowly growing out of the routines of being a Saviour and slowly slipping into the life of being a normal human being. And Baekhyun is painfully aware of how he is not the same as the rest, he is withholding his powers, restraining them. Sometimes, late at night, when Kyungsoo isn't there, he draws a small light in the palm of his hand and watches the way it glows and dims in tandem with the pulse of his wrist.

 

These are dreams that Baekhyun doesn't want to get out of, realistic dreams that Baekhyun wants to live in for the rest of his life.

 

But dreams don't last forever and Baekhyun is nearing the end of a week. His head is recovering fast, thanks to Kyungsoo's care and effort in making sure Baekhyun is taking his medicine well and staying by his bedside to chase away all the nightmares they both fear with small, consuming talk.

 

Though, with the fast recovery, his memories of the incident do not return and Baekhyun can't recall anything even when his head isn't throbbing every single time he tries to think hard about it.

 

Kyungsoo had been awfully patient about everything, along with his roommates and the guilt, once a planted seed, is growing and growing

 

Once, Kyungsoo asked a question, another random question of his on another one of those nights where they pretend that sleep is for the weak and that there aren't nightmares waiting for them just as they close their eyes. It did come out of the blue like always and Baekhyun should always be expectant of it, used to it, but it sparked anxiety in him.

 

“ _Where do you stay, B?”_ Kyungsoo asked, his hand had been drumming on Baekhyun's forearm comfortably.

 

At first, Baekhyun was taken aback by the sudden nickname spilling out of Kyungsoo's lips. He giggled, “B?”

 

A pink flush covered Kyungsoo's cheeks and Baekhyun took delight in noticing the pinkness spread onto the apples of Kyungsoo's cheeks.

 

He cleared his throat, ducking his face away from Baekhyun's sight, “Just a little nickname that came out naturally?”

 

“Nice try,” Baekhyun laughed, masking the fact that he was also blushing over a simple nickname rolling off Kyungsoo's tongue.

 

Kyungsoo hit his forearm gently, mixed in with fondness, with the back of his hand, “Answer the question, B.”

 

Baekhyun pondered, contemplating and hesitating over the answers that he could say. It took Baekhyun a whole thirty seconds to answer with, “I stay at the military camp.”

 

Kyungsoo acknowledged the answer with a hum, countering with another question, “Do you not visit your family and friends?”

 

_Family,_ Baekhyun almost scoffed at the thought.  _I wish._

 

“Family's barely around and,” Baekhyun thought about his friends. The gang he ran around with at the headquarters, the amount of tricks they pulled. A fond smile sat on the curve of Baekhyun's lips, “My friends joined the military with me.”

 

“Wouldn't they worry since you're missing?” 

 

“It's break for me, 'Soo,” Baekhyun lied through the gaps of his teeth, hoping Kyungsoo didn't hear it in the way his voice trembled a little.

 

“I wish we knew what happened to you that day,” Kyungsoo suddenly said all too quietly but loud in Baekhyun's ears and it made his heart beat faster out of the nerves and panic.

 

“I wish for that too,” Baekhyun had said back but he didn't know if he wanted to.

 

He figures that if the memories won't return, he wouldn't return as well.

 

Yet, Baekhyun knows he has to return soon, he has to return to the headquarters somehow and forget all about the week he has had, being normal and hiding his powers within himself. Baekhyun knows that he has no place in this society, not when he runs around with light beaming out of the palms of his hands. Baekhyun knows that if he stayed any longer, there is a high risk of revealing his powers by accident and he can't imagine the horror plastered on Kyungsoo's face.

 

He doesn't want to imagine it.

 

It scares him to the core to even imagine if Kyungsoo finds out about the truth of who Baekhyun really is. He won't be able to live with the pain that derives from the fright and terror that Kyungsoo will have of him once he finds out about Baekhyun's ability, the ability to  _kill._

 

What would Kyungsoo think when he sees the light at the tips of Baekhyun's fingers? Will he be marvelling at it like Major Sunyoung or will there be fear just like how Baekhyun imagined?

 

Baekhyun wouldn't risk it to find out.

 

He shakes his head, eliminating the thoughts at once. Baekhyun has to forget it all, but he knows that he can't.

 

How could he possibly try to forget the overwhelming and undeserved kind treatment he received from Kyungsoo and his roommates, Chanyeol and Yixing? How could he even begin to forget the fact that they helped a total stranger recover in their apartment while balancing life and art majors at the same time? How could he forget the sense of safety and comfort he feels deep within these past few days in this apartment, so far from the place he is forced to call home?

 

How could Baekhyun forget any of it when he has practically found his own desired home right here, right where Kyungsoo is?

 

It's just mere attraction, Baekhyun tries to tell himself. He met someone redeeming and witty and incredibly caring and it's nothing like how he has ever felt before.

 

Baekhyun tells himself once again, that he should forget it. He should forget the days spent here, Kyungsoo and his small, shy smiles.

 

Yet he simply can't as there is no such comfort as the one Kyungsoo brings. Comfort comes too easily in the form of Kyungsoo at his side, kind and pushing the sense of loneliness and fear away from Baekhyun's heart. It makes him forget momentarily that he is out of the military grounds and that he is incapable of having such a mundane life.

 

Yet, here he is, living with a doe-eyed boy, constantly by his side at almost every hour of the day, and a heart beating too fast to be considered normal.

 

Yet, here Baekhyun is, disguised as another normal human being possibly falling for a boy.

 

There might be a time where he thought Sehun was attractive, a time where maybe his feelings weren't just borderline friendship but when Baekhyun thinks of Kyungsoo, fondly remembering every single thing he has said to him and done for him, he knows that deep inside, it isn't anything like what he has felt for Sehun.

 

It hits harder than that, strikes all the right chords in his heart, makes him dream of Kyungsoo in different lights. Lights that Baekhyun can never think of creating with his hands.

 

Thus, it hurts for Baekhyun to leave with these unspoken desires deep within his heart. 

 

“Are you trying to fry eggs?” a loud, booming voice asks in the early morning, interrupting the panicky thoughts Baekhyun is having inwardly. 

 

Baekhyun doesn't even bother to turn, it's merely Chanyeol with his usual guitar case. He always wakes up early to grab breakfast before heading off to university. Kyungsoo once told him that Chanyeol only goes early just so that he could use the studio and compose his music in peace before the flood of students arrives and bombards the university a few minutes ahead of the beginning of classes.

 

Baekhyun merely hums, signalling a yes to Chanyeol's interrupting question. He stares at the mess he has made on the frying pan. There are practically shells in the eggs, a clear sign of his failure of cracking the eggs open, and he is sure the colour isn't looking good. The eggs are turning brown and Baekhyun doesn't know how Kyungsoo likes his eggs.

 

A hand snakes around him to switch the stove off, leaving the eggs sizzling on the pan. Another interruption from Chanyeol and this time, he says in an advising tone, “You're burning the eggs, Baek.”

 

Baekhyun rolls the eyes, moving away from the stove. He rubs at his cheek frustratingly and laments, “I give up. I can't cook breakfast for Kyungsoo.”

 

Chanyeol has his eyes widened, and it's an exaggerating reaction coming from Chanyeol considering how huge his eyes already are. Baekhyun fights the urge to roll his eyes once again. Instead, he nibbles on his thumbnail, head spinning with the failure of his gift of gratitude to Kyungsoo for the past week.

 

“Was that for Kyungsoo?” Chanyeol asks rhetorically. When Baekhyun doesn't answer, he continues, “You could basically present the boy with a card and he'd be touched.”

 

It's Baekhyun's turn to widen his eyes in surprise, “Really?”

 

Chanyeol snorts, “The boy is easily swayed by these things.” He adds with a suggesting wink, “Kyungsoo's not a tough one to catch.”

 

Baekhyun backs away, his voice bordering on the high pitch in nervousness, “What do you mean?”

 

The redhead places the eggs on a plate before dropping the pan in the sink. He rolls his eyes at Baekhyun's question, shaking his head in disappointment, “Don't act like you don't know. Do you think I'm blind? I've seen how you two act around each other.”

 

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Baekhyun says with a nervous laugh. He could practically feel the perspiration gathering at his nape, the morning sun truly has no mercy on him today.

 

Chanyeol snickers, “The two of you are no better, acting like lovebirds even when I am in the room!” He mockingly puts a hand on his chest, sighing even more dramatically, “Why does a tiny man like Kyungsoo get someone and not me, a tall and good-looking catch?”

 

Baekhyun is mostly speechless by Chanyeol's observation, furrowing his eyebrows. He stutters in denial, “You are nothing but delusional.” He pauses a second before continuing, “Delusional about both Kyungsoo and I, and your looks.”

 

Chanyeol shakes a closed fist at him in a mock threat, “Don't say anything about my looks when you're not better, falling for Kyungsoo!”

 

Baekhyun heaves a sigh, ignoring the heavy pounding of his heart in his ribcage, “I didn't say anything about liking Kyungsoo, Chanyeol.”

 

The redhead laughs, lowering his fist. A smile spreads on his face as he catches Baekhyun's tired gaze. Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Chanyeol. His mind ponders over all the times he has been with Kyungsoo, where Chanyeol's in the room and to be frank, he spends his time staring into Kyungsoo's eyes to even notice anything else.

 

And that upsets Baekhyun the most.

 

“You can't lie to yourself, Baek,”Chanyeol says softly, laughing as he walks past Baekhyun. He is holding a plate of the eggs Baekhyun cooked. Chanyeol continues, patting on Baekhyun's shoulder encouragingly, “You can't lie to me either. You fell for Kyungsoo and he fell for you too.”

 

When Baekhyun's eyes avert to the plate in Chanyeol's grip, he shrugs, “You can't feed him this and I won't allow you to waste it either so.”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head at Chanyeol in disbelief, giving into the laughter. Chanyeol flashes a quick grin at Baekhyun before ducking out of the kitchen and into his room. Baekhyun tries not to think about Chanyeol's words, tries not to let those words sink in, but he knows that that is all he is going to think about.

 

Baekhyun trudges over the stove and restarts the fire. He should at least try for Kyungsoo and give his best shot. He could try frying eggs again, maybe he should have asked Chanyeol for cooking advice. Baekhyun hears the clock strikes another hour into the morning and his heart races, panic rising in his throat.

 

There is not much time ticking until Kyungsoo wakes up to leave for his classes, and there isn't much time until Baekhyun leaves for good.

 

A sigh leaves his lips, lost in the smoke from the fire.

 

There isn't much time at all.

 

* * *

 

 

 

“You made this?” 

 

There is a tray on Kyungsoo's lap, decorated with a few lilies (thanks to Chanyeol who practically keeps random flower bouquets in his room as an interest), a plate of sunny side-up eggs (Baekhyun thankfully didn't screw it up on the third try), a plate of a few pieces of toast, jam and a glass of orange juice (Baekhyun has learnt that the doe-eyed boy loves his oranges).

 

Baekhyun nods, nibbling on his bottom lip with his teeth in nervous anticipation. He is pretty sure his hands are slightly trembling by his sides so he crosses them over his stomach to look more composed and confident.

 

Chanyeol had been snickering at him when he asked for any type of flower to place on the tray.  _“Trying to win Kyungsoo over, aren't we here?”_ he said in his most high-pitched voice, annoying and grating on Baekhyun's nerves. He grabbed the lilies from Chanyeol, muttering a word of gratitude before scurrying away to avoid any more jesting coming from Chanyeol.

 

Baekhyun swallows the bile in his throat as Kyungsoo lifts the fork to eat the eggs. Baekhyun squeezes his arms, trying to rid the clamminess on his palms and the nerves breaking out. He peruses at the way Kyungsoo chews on the food, looking satisfied by the taste.

 

“It's not that bad...” Kyungsoo trails off before looking up, smiling cheekily. “Did you ask 'Yeol for help?”

 

Baekhyun has a surprised expression before it fades into a mock frown at Kyungsoo's following question. He grumbles jokingly, “Like that giant would ever help me?”

 

Kyungsoo nods around a piece of toast, “You're right. He'd screw it up on purpose just to spite the both of us.”

 

A laugh slips Baekhyun's mouth, heart pacing at the mention of an 'us'. His eyes dart between the food and Kyungsoo, his fingers fidgeting and drumming on his arms to stay moving, “Are you sure you like the food?”

 

Kyungsoo's eyes are wide, genuine and incredibly soft at the corners when he gazes at Baekhyun, hearing the question. A lazy, gentle smile takes over his plush lips and Baekhyun resists the urge to drop his own gaze to that mouth. His heart is already suffering a lot at the intensity of Kyungsoo's stare, he doesn't have to pile on with the desire to press his lips against Kyungsoo's.

 

“Of course,” Kyungsoo comments, while cutting through the yolk. “It's a bit bland for my taste but edible enough to enjoy.”

 

Baekhyun sighs out in relief, slumping. Kyungsoo looks at him, amused, “Were you that worried over it?”

 

“I wanted to cook you a good breakfast,” Baekhyun replies, defensively. “As a form of my repayment and gratitude.”

 

Kyungsoo throws him an incredulous expression so Baekhyun adds, explaining further, while his fingers fidget with the hem of his – Kyungsoo's – shirt, “You took care of me well throughout the week and sped up my recovery so... thank you, 'Soo.”

 

He doesn't answer immediately, merely stares at Baekhyun in mild shock, his lips parted and speechless. The fork sits on the plate, untouched and Baekhyun wishes that he could say something so his heart would stop feeling anxious.

 

Baekhyun clenches his shirt in his grip, biting on his lip and babbling on out of nerves,“I didn't know how to properly repay you and I thought maybe by cooking you breakfast in bed would be nice so I am re–”

 

Baekhyun is tripping on his feet and there is Kyungsoo's hand grasping onto the neckline of his shirt, pulling him in so quickly and suddenly. His sentence gets interjected by his clumsy feet and Kyungsoo's tight grip on his shirt. Baekhyun parts his lips to say something, ask Kyungsoo what the hell is he doing but then, he feels plump lips pressing against his.

 

His heart halts.

 

Baekhyun forgets how it is like to breathe.

 

There is a beat or two, and his head is spinning from it all.

 

Kyungsoo is kissing into his mouth insistently, a hand cupping his jaw and the other still grasping onto Baekhyun's shirt though not as tightly as before. Baekhyun's knees are awkwardly bent against the bed but he is leaning into Kyungsoo, beginning to kiss back into Kyungsoo's mouth. The other boy sighs blissfully, tilting his head for more access.

 

Baekhyun takes the lead, using his hand to move Kyungsoo's clenched fist in his shirt away. He interlocks their fingers together and wraps his other hand, his fingers aroung Kyungsoo's neck, tapping on the pulse as he slides his tongue into Kyungsoo's mouth. He licks at the roof of Kyungsoo's mouth, relishing in the way he moans into Baekhyun's mouth at the feel of it.

 

His heart is hammering against his chest at the absurdity of it all. Baekhyun can't process any single thought when Kyungsoo is pressing his fingers against his jaw while licking his way into the parting of Baekhyun's lips.

 

Kyungsoo draws away, taking a loud inhale of air against Baekhyun's lips and Baekhyun doesn't care, doesn't pause to breathe as he nibbles away on Kyungsoo's upper lip. He sinks his teeth onto the plush skin, feeling the vibrations of Kyungsoo's moan against his own lips. Baekhyun licks around Kyungsoo's mouth, before pulling him in for another kiss.

 

“I have been wanting to do this for a long time,” Baekhyun groans as he settles himself more comfortably on Kyungsoo's lap. The food tray is long forgotten on the sheets but Baekhyun can't even bring himself to care when Kyungsoo is sliding his tongue into his mouth.

 

“Really?” Kyungsoo manages to say between short breaths and kisses. “Me too.”

 

“I can tell,” Baekhyun giggles in between kisses, it cuts off into a light hiss when Kyungsoo licks against his bite marks on his bottom lip. “You fucking pulled me in for a kiss, 'Soo.”

 

Kyungsoo suddenly backs away from Baekhyun, a gleam lilting in his irises at the way Baekhyun whines and desperately leans in for another kiss.

 

As Kyungsoo presses a peck onto the corner of Baekhyun's lips, Baekhyun sighs out, meeting Kyungsoo's in a wide-eyed gaze of lust and something else that Baekhyun can't read.

 

“Stay,” Kyungsoo breathes out, his breath hitting Baekhyun's earlobe, tickling the skin there. Baekhyun squirms as Kyungsoo continues to breathe against his earlobe, “You can stay in my room until your break ends or whatever. Just stay.”

 

Baekhyun lifts his heavy-lidded eyes at Kyungsoo, staring at the pretty swell of his lips and the red blush decorating his cheeks. He can feel the painful stretch of his lips when he smiles at the doe-eyed boy, but it's worth it.

“Okay,” is all Baekhyun says before diving in for another peck against Kyungsoo's lips, with the intention of abusing and reddening the flesh further with his persistent lips.

 

He can practically stay here forever if Kyungsoo asked for it.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“ _They are coming, hyung.”_

 

“ _They can't take him away.”_

 

“ _You know they will and they can.”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _You should have let him go when you cou– ”_

 

“ _They can't take him away, they can't.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The cold creeps in, settling itself in between his bones, freezing his insides. It stays, it refuses to leave even when he wraps the blankets around him. His fingers are trembling and his light is threatening to come alive. The breeze slides through the window panes and sleeps by his side. Baekhyun instinctively reaches for his hand, the warmth that he has been chasing all the time and has finally caught it.

Then, it slips between the gaps of his fingers. The warmth is gone.

 

When Baekhyun awakes and finds that Kyungsoo isn't next to him, he knows that there is something wrong.

 

It's the first sign.

 

There is something terrible in the air, Baekhyun could feel it deep in his bones. His eyes automatically survey the room, squinting to find anything amiss. The same paintings line the walls, the cool breeze is rattling the curtains, the same sketchbooks are all over the desk in an organised mess.

 

The only one missing is Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun feels cold, his lips are bruised to a red tinge at the expense of Kyungsoo and his hair all messed up from the sleep. There is still sleepiness tucked in the corners of his eyes and Baekhyun blinks them away repetitively.

 

He pads around the room, calling out, “Kyungsoo?”

 

No answer comes and there isn't even Chanyeol around, because he would have answered as well with that loud booming voice, alerting him of Kyungsoo's unknown absence and relieving him of any unwanted doubts.

 

Baekhyun briefly recalls Kyungsoo telling him that he doesn't have any classes and that they would figure out how to break the news to Chanyeol and Yixing. Then, he remembers the shy smile on Kyungsoo's lips and kissing it away gently before they drift off to sleep, hands intertwined.

 

He carefully walks over to the desk, eyes scanning the messy area. There's even coffee stains drained onto the wooden table surface and he wonders how many times has Kyungsoo sat down here, sipping coffee, fighting the sleepiness just to meet a deadline of an art project.

 

Baekhyun gingerly fingers the sketchbook, the one he saw Kyungsoo sketching in on the night he awoke from the coma that he was under. Curiosity bubbles in Baekhyun and he takes a cautious glance over his shoulder to check if there is anyone there. He takes a deep breath after checking that the coast is clear and flips open the sketchbook.

 

His eyes skim over the carefully drawn lines of a majestic dragon breathing fire, mighty and tall over a land and Baekhyun squints to see a small boy clutching a handful of soil from the ground. The colours are all over the place, messy but it sets an interesting visual to the eye.

 

Baekhyun's thumb rubs lightly at the signature at the bottom of the page, smiling unknowingly at the loops and curves of Kyungsoo's penmanship.

 

Baekhyun flips the pages, briefly glancing at all the artwork Kyungsoo has created, seeping from his fingers, thoughts and emotions and drawn all over the place on a blank white expanse. He continues to flip, stopping every once in a while to stare at a single detail and moving on.

 

His thumb presses against the page all too suddenly, a gasp slipping past his lips. The shock is widened in his irises while a note falls off the page. Baekhyun stands still, speechless and eyes flitting over the art spilled onto the blank paper.

 

It scares him.

 

It scares Baekhyun just how much he relates to this piece of artwork created by Kyungsoo who was once a stranger on that night, barely knowing anything about him except his name.

 

It is Baekhyun drawn on a bed, except there are lights dangling down from the ceiling, inching towards Baekhyun's face, body, everywhere. Baekhyun could feel the suffocation in the sketch, feels it within himself every single day in the headquarters.

 

Kyungsoo drew Baekhyun asleep, with a single light brewing in him,  _alive_ . He drew Baekhyun with lines sharp and blunt, prominent strokes to recognise Baekhyun's face structure and body. He drew Baekhyun so beautifully that Baekhyun, himself, thinks so too.

 

Where Baekhyun is all sharp lines from head to toe, Kyungsoo is merely soft curves, wrapped around his finger.

 

Baekhyun bends, grabbing the fallen note from the sketchbook. Opening it, he was assuming it was a note of a class or a few art references for his sketches. Instead of seeing what Baekhyun was expecting, he is reading over a note written in Kyungsoo's penmanship, hasty and rushed.

 

“ _I'm sorry.  
_ _–_ _DKS”_

 

 

Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows at the note, turning it over a few times to find something else to explain such a vague note from Kyungsoo. He stares at the sketchbook for a second before flipping through all the pages, risking paper cuts on his fingers. He doesn't care, his heart is pounding in his ribcage and he is constantly gulping down the bile in his throat. The anxiety and sense of abandonment grows in his heart, and Baekhyun stumbles backwards, surprised.

 

What could Kyungsoo be apologetic about? Baekhyun's mind spins with the possibilities and he's scared. He fears the truth behind the note. He merely wants Kyungsoo to come home to him and erase all the delusions in his head.

 

Out of nowhere, a hand clutches onto his forearm and Baekhyun dizzily looks up through his misty eyes, hoping deep in his heart that it's Kyungsoo coming back from wherever he was or even, Chanyeol checking on him. Instead, he sees a hooded figure and his instincts act before he could even register what was going on.

 

The light beam out of his fingers and blinds the room in a bright glow, making the hooded figure hiss, probably attempting to keep his eyes open. Baekhyun trips backwards, still incredibly dizzy from the note and now, a sudden intruder in the house.

 

“Who are you?” Baekhyun shouts, trying to sound intimidating. 

 

He keeps the hand out in front of him, light glowing and dimming in tune to his heavy breathing. The hooded figure steps forward, an arm shielding the face and eyes from the light. The other hand comes up to grab onto Baekhyun's face, tightly grasping his cheek and Baekhyun swears at the tight grip with a strength that could tear his skin off.

 

The hooded figure leans close and Baekhyun's heart stops for a few seconds, the light dimming to a low brightness. He could hear the smirk in the voice, dark and way too raspy to even spark a sense of familiarity.

 

Baekhyun opens his mouth, a flood of questions threatening to spill just when the hooded figure presses his gloved hand against Baekhyun's cheek. He suddenly felt a bolt running through, setting his insides on fire and it burns, everything burns. Baekhyun wants to scream out but the excruciating pain is too sharp and his eyes roll back from the heat rising in his body and the scalding gloved hand on his cheek.

 

“ _You can't run away now.”_

 

 


	4. no.3 ; rising

 

[  _whose side am I on? whose side am I?_ ]

 

* * *

 

 

It's way too dark.

 

He has his light transfixed on the ground, the glow is low but bright enough for him to know where he is going. He steps lightly on wooden branches and ducks under hanging leaves from the trees. It reeks of freshly rained greenery with a hint of smoke from a recent fire. His nose tickles from the lingering smell, unable to rub the scent of the forest off his clothes and skin. There are raindrops dripping from tree branches, dripping onto his mop of black hair, dripping onto his pajama top.

 

There will be a price to pay when he gets back home with his shirt lightly drenched in dew.

 

He arrives at a clearing in the forest and this is his favourite part of the woods. The light dims in his palms, bathing him in absolute darkness within the woods. He stands tall amidst the greenery and drinks in the scent of the nature, suffocating his lungs with the fresh air. It is never enough, he thinks, to cleanse the negativity and darkness in him. Not enough fresh air to drive the bad smoke away.

 

There is a rustling in the leaves and his knee jerks at the sudden movement. His eyes pore over the darkness, there isn't a single peek of light to even cast a shadow on the grounds. He stays alert, clenching his fists and feeling the light in the palms of his hands.

 

“Who's there?” he calls out, hoping to sound intimidating enough to draw the sudden intruder away.

 

The rustling continues but he isn't fazed, he has learnt to grow up with a bravery of a lion breathing in him. He has light surging through his fingers and they are glowing brighter in the darkness. A step forward, he thrusts his hand out, casting a light on the trees and bushes. He opens his eyes, hoping to see a squirrel or another kind of animal scurrying around in the dark forest at the midnight hour.

 

Instead, he sees a boy crouched, arms shielding his sight from the light. He frowns, recognising the signature blonde highlights the boy has, the few inches he wears taller. He inches away from the boy, retreating his hand back. The light disappears and they are both bathed in the shadows once again.

 

He could see the outline of the boy straightening up and dropping his arms from his face. The frown remains as the boy dusts his hands off on his grey sweats and faces him. Even in the dim light, he could see the resentment in the boy's eyes, directed at him. He tilts his head, assessing the boy from head to toe, feeling his own anger piling in him at the sight and the fact that he was caught on one of his midnight strolls.

 

“I knew it,” the boy breathes out, spit hitting the ground out of fury and he steps back, alarmed at the sudden fire growing in the boy's irises.

 

He raises both of his eyebrows, confusion drawn in the curve of his brows.

 

The boy continues, loathing and disgust obvious in his voice, “I knew mama was hiding you for a reason.” His irises harden, “You are a _freak_.”

 

He steps further back, the fatal bullets disguised as words aiming straight for the most vital part of his body, firing insistently. His head spins, the words laced with absolute revulsion pound into his mind, the underlying meaning growing clear as the fog of the night clears.

 

There is a pause and he could never expect the attack coming straight towards his face in a form of a clenched fist. He stumbles backwards from the impact on both his cheek and jaw, he feels the bruise blossoming on his skin. It's so achingly painful, the knuckles hit right on his cheekbone. There is a ringing in his left ear and he doesn't know if he is even breathing properly through his mouth.

 

His shock was taken for advantage as the boy lodges another punch on his face, hitting his right cheek instead and then, repeatedly and he's dizzy, stumbling too far. The fist comes up again but this time, he gains control, registering the throbbing pain on his jaw. His hands close over the fists, striking fear in the boy as his eyes grow alarmed by the sudden dominance.

 

He grips tightly on the boy's hands, feeling the fragility in them. He inches close to the boy's face, almost spitting, “Mama hates you, she only loves me.”

 

The boy parts his lips, the fear replaced by a fiery hatred, “You will become a monster but I will kill you first.”

 

The boy's hands shake in his grip and he lets go of them but before the boy could even land a finger on his skin, he reaches for the boy's throat, tightening his fingers around his column. The boy gasps, eyes widened, jolted by the lack of air. The boy coughs, choking but he merely tightens further, wrapping his hands around the boy's neck.

 

“Mama will never forgive you for hurting her,” he avows, feeling the power flow in him strongly. His mouth hurts to move, tasting blood on the tip of his tongue but the anger overpowers. “Mama won't even miss you.”

 

That's when it hits him, the ball of light at the core of the boy's body. It's dimming, fighting for its last breath and hanging onto the last thread. He feels it buzzing beneath his fingers on the boy's skin and it puzzles him, his curiousity grows in the midnight. He presses onto the boy's pulse, reaching onto the ball of light and he feels it attracting to his fingers, coming closer and closer to his palm.

 

The boy chokes out suddenly, “You're my little brother.” His syllables are broken, his eyes are misty with tears brimming at the corners. He pleads further, “Please, Baekhyunnie.”

 

He looks up, drags his gaze over his brother's weakened body and the plea screaming in his watery eyes. Baekhyun remembers the bruises found on his mother's face, on her arms, the light that never dies in those eyes no matter the pain she lives with in the house. Baekhyun remembers the screaming, the unnecessary hits taken against his mother's skin. He then stares at the hands hanging limply by his brother's sides, the sins that they have committed.

 

Baekhyun grabs onto the light.

 

Seizes it in the palm of his hand.

 

Tears it away from his brother's body.

 

It burns against his skin but barely, and his brother slumps to the floor, his eyes widened but devoid of any light. The ball of light travels up his arm and dives into his own core, giving him the sudden adrenaline rush. Baekhyun gasps at the energy he gained, his fingers and toes tingling. The pain that was throbbing on his jaw lulls to a light ache that he could barely notice.

 

The regret never comes and Baekhyun looks at the starry sky above, before drifting his gaze to the motionless body cushioned by the wet grass.

 

 _Monster,_ it rings through his ears, louder than the crickets in the woods. _You will be a monster._

 

_But I will kill you first._

 

* * *

 

 

 

His eyes fly open, widened in shuddering shock. He is panting, breathless and afraid. There are tears forming in his eyes, his heart pounding too much to even calm down in a single breath.  
  
Baekhyun can't see anything past the darkness. It is suffocating, reaching deep down into his insides and wrapping its fingers around the ball of light, ceasing the ability to cast a glow. He could feel the walls closing on in him and he wrings his hands out, trying to feel something in the shadows. It is playing around with his mind.

 

“ _Baekhyunnie...”_ he hears it echoing in his head, the struggling breath choked in his name, the desperate plea to live louder than anything else. The familiar nickname repeats itself over and over again in his head and it's a reminder of the little girl's life he took, another nightmare among the others. Another face, another voice Baekhyun can't forget.

 

He glances down at his hands, making out the outline of his fingers and long fingernails. Baekhyun wonders if the darkness masks the blood on his skin, all dried up, from the merciless kill he had done. He presses his hands against the concreted floor, feeling a tear stream down his face.

 

He had a mother, he had an older brother whom he killed.

 

Baekhyun had a family.

 

The nightmare sends chills down his spine, raising hairs on his forearms. If he closes his eyes, he could see the face of his older brother, tears along the corners of his eyes, lips blue from asphyxiation.

 

 _Just another nightmare,_ he tells himself forcefully. _Another scar._

 

But Baekhyun doesn't know better, his mind is crossed between believing it as a recollection of something real and a delusion to wreck the walls of his heart.

 

Baekhyun has to learn to stay awake once more, falling into the repetitive sleep deprived habits.

 

His hands are trembling, it's so cold and he doesn't even know where he is. Baekhyun remembers the last moment before he blacks out, the sinister whisper drifting into his ears, the death grip on his hands, the loss of light within himself. Baekhyun has never felt so utterly empty and powerless until the moment the hooded figure seized him into a dark cloud.

 

Fear sits in his heart like a rock, and Baekhyun's nibbling on his bottom lip again, tainting the skin with more bitten marks. He keeps blinking, wishing his vision could return to him. He draws a hand within himself to catch a hold of the light, but he's stuck, he can't find it. The light wouldn't appear, it wouldn't stream down the length of his forearms, glowing bright at his pulse and beaming out of his fingertips to cast the room in brightness.

 

It doesn't come easily to him.

 

Baekhyun could feel the sweat at his nape, sticky and hot, from the anxiety he's fighting. Panic tastes sour on his tongue, a taste he never welcomes anymore. He feels the wave of exhaustion rippling through him from the nightmares he has gone through and from the fear of waking up to another altered reality that he has no idea of.

 

The reality with Kyungsoo had been such a sweet dream, tainted heavily by his lies and the apology note on the morning he left Baekhyun. A sweet dream that Baekhyun never wanted to leave. A sweet dream that had been snatched from his grasp unknowingly.

 

The tears begin to stream down his cheeks as he sits on his hands in another nightmare, a strange and unknown world. Baekhyun is frankly tired of the dizziness, the pandemonium rippling through everything he knows and destroying every ounce of sanity he has left. It's a curse, Baekhyun thinks. The light that breathes within is a curse and this is all karma right from the second he stole the soul from his older brother and fed on it.

 

Baekhyun's ears perk up and he strains to hear a soft yawn near him. He lets out a sniff, eyes misty and blurry from the tears. His eyes helplessly scan his surroundings, unable to see anything at all besides the faint outline of walls, bars and his body sitting on concreted floor. The fear is beating into his chest, cutting the access to his lungs, making it hard for him to inhale a fresh take of air.

 

“Who's there?” Baekhyun calls out, his voice croaking and trembling on the syllables.

 

He tries to summon the light within him again as footsteps are clearer, in tandem with the fast-paced beating of his heart. The light is stubborn, refusing to come to life, and Baekhyun backs away, hitting the wall behind him. The footsteps begin to grow, distance decreasing between him and the stranger. Baekhyun closes his eyes briefly, before fluttering them to open to see a pair of beaten up sneakers skidding to a stop before him.

 

The stranger crouches, facing Baekhyun closely and Baekhyun shrieks, banging his head against the wall in the process of moving away from the stranger. As the face comes into focus in the darkness, the outline of a sharp jaw, a slanted nose and full lips, Baekhyun is hit with the familiarity of the stranger, the name slipping into his mind to match the face.

 

“ _Jongin?”_ Baekhyun asks incredulously and the younger smiles at the mention of his name, the clear recognition in Baekhyun's voice.

 

Jongin finds a seat in front of Baekhyun, his knees hitting Jongin's when he shakes them out of a bad habit of not being able to stay still. Jongin places his hands on Baekhyun's knees calmly, leaning into the elder. There is a solemn look on Jongin's face and there are a lot of questions spinning in Baekhyun's head.

 

In a brief second, Baekhyun takes in Jongin's face, almost missing the way the smile is stretched too widely on his lips, a light that is unbelievably vibrant. Instead, Baekhyun is faced with a different Jongin. The grave expression covering his features emphasises the lines around his face, and even in the dark, Baekhyun could see the way Jongin's eyes avoid his.

 

“How did you get here?” Baekhyun inquires, eyebrows drawing together. His eyes scan his surroundings once more, confirming his assumptions that he is indeed locked in some sort of small space. He fixates his gaze on Jongin once more, the questions flooding out of his mouth at a rapid pace, “What is this? Where the fuck am I? What is even happ–”

 

He interrupts, “Baekhyun hyung.” Jongin presses his fingers into Baekhyun's knees, nails digging into his clothed skin, and continues in eerily calm tone, “I know you have a lot of questions but I don't have much time to answer everything.”

 

Confused, but Baekhyun nods slowly, biting on his lip and letting Jongin continue.

 

“I can teleport,” Jongin reveals in that calm tone of his, creeping onto Baekhyun's skin. Baekhyun widens his eyes at Jongin, skimming over his words, trying to process that piece of information in his head. “I know you can take the light out of someone and summon it.”

 

Baekhyun stays quiet as Jongin continues to answer his questions, “I can't tell you everything but...” He trails off, hesitating. “This is our mansion, home of EXO.”

 

There is a brief second before Jongin finally glances upwards to look into Baekhyun's eyes, the expression on his face growing grimmer by the clock ticks by, “I wish I can tell you everything, hyung.”

 

Baekhyun opens his mouth to ask about who is holding him as a puppet but Jongin cuts him off once again, “That's really all I can say because he will explain it to you.”

 

He raises an eyebrow at that, questioning, “He?”

 

Jongin nods, pursuing his lips as he glances towards the bars. He seems to be checking something, looking out for something. Baekhyun follows the line of his vision and sees pit darkness and emptiness. He strains his eyes, struggling to see what Jongin's seeing. Baekhyun heaves a sigh as he fails to see clearly. Baekhyun clenches his fist, trying to will the light to flow through his veins, but it doesn't come.

 

“You can't use your powers in here,” Jongin answers to the question brewing in Baekhyun's head regarding the failure of conjuring his light powers, his eyes glancing at the clenched fists at Baekhyun's sides. Baekhyun tilts his head at Jongin, as the boy explains, “It's designed to weaken your powers.”

 

“How are you able to teleport then?”

 

Jongin bitterly smiles, “It's not my powers they are targeting, hyung.”

 

Baekhyun surveys the small space, trying to look out for any sort of surveillance cameras or strange monitors weakening the light in him. The emptiness grows in the pit of his stomach, hungry and desperate to feed on a light. He could feel it warding off Jongin, tempting and awfully close to him. Baekhyun could just reach out and close his fingers around the ball of light if he wants to.

 

But Baekhyun is not a monster.

 

Instead, he fixates on the boy in front of him, asking curiously, “What is EXO?”

 

In the distance, sturdy footsteps are heard and they both jerk instinctively. Jongin's hand leaves Baekhyun's knee, enveloping him in a chilling cold. He stands up all too quickly, eyes still gazing out of the bars. Jongin is rocking on the heels of his sneakers, anxious to leave, whilst Baekhyun feels the rise of bile in his throat, threatening.

 

“I have to go,” Jongin says, still not looking at Baekhyun and leaving his question unanswered. His eyes are darting between the bars and his feet, torn.

 

Baekhyun's lips part to say something, but he stops himself, realising that he almost asks Jongin to stay.

 

Baekhyun watches, fascinated as the boy leans forward on the tips of his toes and disappears in a white puff of air instantly. He stares at the space where Jongin was a second ago and he feels a headache coming on from the information Jongin had just revealed to him. The revelation hits him that he is in grave danger, he is part of something extremely unknown to him.

 

 _Did Kyungsoo know?_ Baekhyun wonders if the boy had knowledge of Jongin harbouring the power to teleport. He wonders about the meaning of EXO, what do they stand for, why do they need him for. He wonders about the mystery of it all, him being locked in a cell where his powers are ceased.

 

Baekhyun wonders if he'll ever return to M.A.

 

There is an ache living in his heart, yearning to return to the place he has been practically living in for his entirety of adulthood, M.A., and to see his friends again. There was a sense of safety living on the military grounds, close to everything he knows and is aware of. He misses the badge of being a Saviour pinned onto his uniform and the bow he is accustomed to.

Then, there's an ache to return to Kyungsoo and the sweet dreamless nights he spent in that apartment. The mundane life that he never had the privilege to experience. The beginning of something that Baekhyun never thought he could have. He misses the way Kyungsoo smiles at him, he misses the ease he feels within himself of never having to worry about his powers and the world. Baekhyun aches to have it again.

 

Now, Baekhyun is stuck in something he doesn't know of and he can't go back nor can he fight through it.

 

The footsteps grow closer and Baekhyun inches away from the bars, afraid of what's to come. He hears a banging on the bars and he glances upwards to see a man dressed in black, easily blending into the darkness. Baekhyun could barely make out the outline of the man due to the dark clothes he's wearing, but he could see the menacing smile he is wearing.

 

“Get up,” the man commands, banging his fists against the bars once more.

 

Baekhyun swallows dryly before climbing to his feet, feeling his weak legs tremble under pressure. He assumes that it's the guard of the mansion, seeing as he stands with purpose and authority before Baekhyun's slumped figure. Dread fills his senses, observing the way the guard pulls the keys out of his pocket.

 

The guard unlocks the door, motioning harshly at Baekhyun to move. Baekhyun tentatively steps out, feeling something surge in him suddenly once he's out of the small space. The corridor is bathed in darkness as well, a flickering light marks the end of the corridor. Baekhyun lifts his hand, the light returning to his core, and pushes the light through his fingers, drifting into the air directed at the flickering light. It drinks in the light from him, growing brighter. The flickering stops and it hangs from the ceiling with a bright glow.

 

Baekhyun could finally see better now, the vision returning to his eyes. He swivels his head around, lips parted in shock at the state. There are cells lining down the corridors, facing each other, and Baekhyun could faintly hear a few people in some of the cells. Crying, groaning and snoring. It sparks a sense of familiarity in him, his heart growing heavy at the sight.

 

 _I've been here before,_ he thinks, remembering the stale greyness of the walls. He remembers a faint memory of running through the corridor, screams of bliss and freedom filling the air, ringing in his ears. He remembers something akin to a number taped on his clothes, the perplexity and chaos of it all.

 

“Follow me,” the guard suddenly says, in that commanding tone of his again.

 

Baekhyun is snapped out of his thoughts, nodding dutifully as he treads after the guard, then hastening his steps to catch up with the guard's quick steps past the cells. Baekhyun tries to keep his eyes fixated on his shoes, but the curiousity beats him to it, lifting his gaze to peer into some of the cells they walk past. The interiors of the cells are mostly dark, hard for Baekhyun to see anything.

 

He makes the mistake of peering into someone's cell and a stranger pops out of the blue, scaring the wits out of Baekhyun. It's a girl gripping onto the bars so tightly, her knuckles are turning white. Baekhyun backs away, bowing his head in apology but she snarls at him.

 

“You're Byun Baekhyun, aren't you?” she spits and Baekhyun dodges, pausing in his steps at the mention of his name.

 

He gives her a slow nod and there is a baleful edge to how she smiles at Baekhyun. She points at him, finger wagging accusingly, “You are the one they've been talking about. The monster.”

 

She is capturing Baekhyun's attention and he moves closer, inquiring, “What do you mean?”

 

The girl laughs, it's awfully sinister to his ears, throwing her head back. She smirks, “Oh boy, you're going to create trouble.”

 

Baekhyun frowns, opening his mouth to ask once again but the guard bangs his fist against the bars, making the girl stumble back in fear. He does it continuously as she backs away, covering herself in the darkness. The guard turns to Baekhyun, glaring at him over his shoulder and Baekhyun averts his eyes. He motions for Baekhyun to hurry and continues trudging down the corridor. Baekhyun swivels his head around to check on the girl and he catches her inching towards the bars once again, meeting his eyes. She lets out a laugh, sharp canines poking out of her frightening grin.

 

He follows the guard with his head ducked down, playing over the words said by the girl. _Monster,_ she said and it is breathing in his mind. Baekhyun remembers the warning sent to Seungwan in one of her bad dreams, the hatred in the way his older brother calls him a monster in his nightmare.

 

 _Monster,_ is that what they call him?

 

 _Monster,_ is that Baekhyun's true identity?

 

Baekhyun could feel himself starting to believe it. He is the _lone destructor of this world_ , said by the dark figure in Seungwan's dream. She predicted this, she saw it coming, but she didn't stop him like she should have. No one did. He clenches his fists, the light circling his veins, a constant reminder of what he is, of what he can't fight off.

 

Baekhyun can't be a monster, he doesn't want to be.

 

He wants to be in love with Kyungsoo, uncaring of what kind of risks there might be. He wants to walk on the streets of the city and not fear the instincts of the light in him, reaching onto a soul of a human and taking it for himself. He wants to live through days where his head isn't dizzy from the brightness of every light around him.

 

Baekhyun wants to be human.

 

As he reaches the end of the corridor, leading to an exit out of the basement, the guard stops before an elevator, entering when the doors part. He motions once more at Baekhyun to follow him into the elevator. Baekhyun takes a glance back at the prisoned cells, before stepping into the elevator and holding his breath as they ascend a few levels up.

 

He notices that they stop at the third level, the doors opening to reveal four more guards waiting at the entrance. Baekhyun marvels at the size of the mansion, eyes widened in awe at the delicate and majestic interior of the place. It is basked in gold and white hues, looking grand and clean. He wonders about the mystery behind EXO and its worth.

 

Baekhyun continues to follow the guard through the hallway, eyes skimming over all the details of the mansion, committing it to memory. He has never stepped foot in a place as equally as grand as this, it makes him feel smaller, seeing the ceilings are way higher, out of his grasp. His scuffed shoes squeak against the marble floors as he walks down the hallway, passing closed doors to unknown rooms. It's eerily silent, the only sounds he could hear are his shoes and the loud marching steps from the guards pacing the floors.

 

The guard stops before a wooden door, knocking against the door. He holds a hand up for Baekhyun to wait before the door knob glows a white hue and the guard turns it over, holding it open for Baekhyun to walk in. Baekhyun glances at the guard, hesitating. He could barely see the interior of the room, the gap of the door wide enough for Baekhyun to slip through but not peek into the room.

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, letting the pungent scent of the mansion fill his lungs, and steps into the room slowly, eyes widening at the reveal inside.

 

The room is bathed in bright light, blinding Baekhyun for a second. As the brightness subdues from his vision, it clears to reveal a huge wooden desk and a man sitting on an office chair, eyes closed in concentration. A few people fill the room, holding paper documents and files, engaging in serious conversations that Baekhyun can't properly hear due to their rapid rate of speaking.

 

The guard closes the door behind him, signalling their entrance. The man straightens up at the sound, eyes opening to meet Baekhyun's for half a second before flitting to the guard. The guard bows down to the man in greeting and gestures at Baekhyun. The man looks at him once more before nodding at the guard in acknowledgement. Baekhyun is then left alone in the mass space as the guard leaves the room, having done his job of escorting him.

 

“Byun Baekhyun,” the man greets him, with an exaggerated wave of his hands, standing up from his office chair. He rounds the desk and stops before Baekhyun, leaning against the wooden desk.

 

He crosses his arms and regards Baekhyun carefully, eyes poring over his figure in a scrutinising gaze. Baekhyun feels his shoulders slouching but he straightens them immediately to give off a more intimidating vibe and despite the fast-paced pulse beating against his wrist, Baekhyun tips his chin upwards, observing the man before him.

 

Baekhyun assumes that he is the one in charge of EXO, seeing as he holds authority in his posture despite his small frame. His face is structured, sharp cheekbones and jawline, with long lashes framing his eyes. He looks almost harmless, like someone Baekhyun would encounter in a business firm, not some kind of group that holds innocent people prisoners in the basement and weaken mutants' powers in cells.

 

The man holds out a hand for Baekhyun to shake, a smile framing his lips, “I'm Kim Junmyeon, leader of EXO. It is a true pleasure to meet you finally, Baekhyun.”

 _Finally,_ he says and Baekhyun wonders what he means by that. Baekhyun merely glances at the hand, before backing away from the man – Junmyeon. He watches as Junmyeon draws his hand back, rubbing it against his nape in embarrassment. It all seems so normal to him that Baekhyun ponders on what kind of association EXO is and what does it have to do with him?

 

“I'm sure you have a lot of questions and I am willing to answer everything for you,” Junmyeon maintains his smile at him, before motioning for Baekhyun to come closer. “Let's have a cup of tea and we can talk.”

 

Baekhyun stays silent, following Junmyeon over to a small coffee table and two arm chairs on the opposite ends of the table. He slowly seats himself down on the arm chair, feeling his body sink into the soft cushion beneath him. Junmyeon does the same, facing him. He snaps his fingers and a butler appears by his side, tray in hand.

 

Junmyeon rattles off his order of two cups of tea, requesting for sugar and he glances at Baekhyun, waiting for him to request his own specific preference of tea. Baekhyun merely mutters, requesting for a single sugar cube in his tea. Junmyeon's smile grows wider at that.

 

“Who are you?” Baekhyun blurts out, exhausted of ending up in strange places and being clueless. “What do you want from me? What exactly is this 'EXO'?”

 

Junmyeon raises an eyebrow, before letting out a chuckle. Baekhyun averts his gaze as the leader continues to laugh. The butler returns with a tray holding two cups of tea and a small bowl of sugarcubes. Junmyeon politely thanks the butler and Baekhyun stays mum.

 

He stirs the sugarcubes in the hot tea, before answering with a jest, “Well, aren't you eager to find out?” Junmyeon lifts the cup, gripping the saucer. He hums while blowing on the tea, “I told you that I'm Kim Junmyeon, leader of EXO.”

 

Junmyeon takes a sip before continuing to answer Baekhyun's questions, “EXO is a group association of people with superpowers, or mutants as humans call it.” His voice takes on a sharper edge, “Or more specifically, we are a rebellion against the human government.”

 

Baekhyun furrows his eyebrows but Junmyeon doesn't stop at that, “What do I want from you?” He laughs before setting the teacup down. His eyes flit over Baekhyun, “I want _you_ to be the head of the rebellion.”

 

Baekhyun opens his mouth to say something out of disagreement but Junmyeon beats him to it, interjecting, “I know you would be asking why, since you are a soldier of a secret operation under the government with your mutant friends. You are going to say that the government does protect us and you are the example of it. While that is all true, Baekhyun, do you know what else is true?”

 

“The government doesn't care about you. They use you and your ' _Saviours_ ' to finish dirty jobs for them under secret missions.”

 

“But if something bad happens, they won't protect you. Do you ever wonder why you have to fight for the world when they don't give you anything back?”

 

Junmyeon smiles, whispering the next words, “They've injected a sense of patriotism in all of you, blinding you from their lies. They will never protect you, Baekhyun.”

 

The words hit Baekhyun continuously. His head is spinning, questioning everything at once but he laughs nervously, shaking his head in denial, unable to let any of Junmyeon's words sink into his skin. He remembers Leader Jinki and his reassurance, the separation of the Saviours from other soldiers, the lack of chances to tackle anything in the real world while being seen, the promise of going somewhere far with their hard working training, the blatant lies Baekhyun believed. Everything is secret, secret, top notch secret.

 

“You are lying,” Baekhyun says, shaking his head at Junmyeon, disbelieving and refusing to take it all in.

 

Junmyeon continues to sip on his tea, “You know I'm right. You are questioning everything right now.”

 

When Baekhyun doesn't answer, Junmyeon leans over the table, “You can be so much more than the government's puppet. They are _afraid_ of you.”

 

“H-how did you know about me?” Baekhyun stutters, keeping his eyes fixated on the white carpet, tears blurring his vision from the revelation leaving Junmyeon's lips.

 

“Your precious government has a lot of _loop holes_ ,” Junmyeon shrugs, leaning back into the arm chair. “Our Jongdae has done us a gracious job of looking over your friends and most importantly, you.”

 

Baekhyun is taken aback, looking up in shock and head swirling from the familiar name that leaves Junmyeon's lips, “Jongdae?”

 

Junmyeon nods, “Jongdae is our spy at the M.A.”

 

Baekhyun is flooded with the memories of Jongdae taking care of him in between archery practices, assuring him of his true potential, keeping an eye on him after every simulation, bringing him snacks from the cafeteria with a bright smile and a loud voice blocking out the noise in Baekhyun's head. Jongdae, whom Baekhyun considers as a best friend, has been doing it all for a rebellion.

 

Baekhyun stands up suddenly, the blood rushing to his head too quickly and he sways from the impact. He keeps his eyes fixated on Junmyeon, lips pulled into a sneer. He keeps clenching and unclenching his fists, breathing heavily as his mind gets swarmed by the words, the realisation of everything Baekhyun knows as lies.

 

“You are fucking lying!” Baekhyun screams at Junmyeon in denial, his index finger pointed at the man. “You are lying about everything. You just want me to destroy everything in this world, you want me to be your fucking _monster_!”

 

Baekhyun is panting, lowering his hand, staring at Junmyeon with hardened irises, “I will _never_ be a monster.”

 

Junmyeon stands up, facing Baekhyun properly. He tucks his hands into his pockets, “We have no ill intentions, Baekhyun. We just want to protect each other and change the ways of the government.”

 

He tilts his head at Baekhyun, “Aren't you tired of the inferiority? The isolation? The feeling of never belonging anywhere?”

 

Fury flashes in Baekhyun's eyes, as he takes a step after step away Junmyeon. He shakes his head, refusing to believe anything Junmyeon has uttered, refusing to take any of it in. He continues backing away from Junmyeon, until he bumps into someone. Hands come up to grip his shoulders tightly and he watches as Junmyeon looks over Baekhyun's shoulder, eyes lazily flickering to the stranger.

 

“Escort him back to the basement,” Junmyeon orders and Baekhyun realises that it's a guard holding him, and he tries to shake out of the grip.

 

Baekhyun is shouting, hitting his elbow against the guard yet he is barely fazed by Baekhyun's tantrum. He continues to squirm under the guard's hold, forcefully pushing him towards the door and away from Junmyeon. In the last minute, out of impulse, he outstretches his hand, directing a light beam at Junmyeon, pushing his strength into the burn of it.

 

He is screaming his guts out, eyes red and filled with tears threatening to fall. He breathes heavily as the light shoots out of his palm, aiming for Junmyeon. The leader jumps out of the way, eyes widened in shock at the sudden attack, and the beam hits the swaying, beige curtains, scalding a hole in its fabric.

 

Baekhyun doubles over from the stunt he pulled and the guard is holding him tighter now, commanding him to move in an intimidating voice. He uses Baekhyun's weakened moment to pull him away from the room, forcefully adding distance between Baekhyun and Junmyeon. Baekhyun's palm is burning, and the smoke infuses the air from the burnt hole in the curtains. The other people n the room are raising voices in concern, staring at Baekhyun as he is dragged past them and questioning Junmyeon if he's okay.

 

As Baekhyun's last glance of the room, he sees Junmyeon standing with a hand on his hip, chest heaving and gaze directed at Baekhyun with amazement in his eyes.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Baekhyun hyung?”

 

Baekhyun turns at the sound of an all too familiar voice, fearing that his assumption comes true. His eyes widen, staring in shock, at the sight of Sehun with his hands gripping the bars, face pressing against the bars.

 

“S-Sehun?”

 

The younger nods firmly and Baekhyun parts his lips to ask what is he doing there, in a cell opposite his, when the guard pokes into Baekhyun's back and pushes him into the cell. As he stumbles into the small cell, he feels the light drained out of him, his arms hang limply by his sides.

 

Baekhyun tries to will the light back but he feels a stubborn force pushing him back, fighting against his attempt. The bars slam against the cell, he hears the lock sliding in its place, a click resonating in his ears. Baekhyun slumps to the concreted floor, feeling the exhaustion pound into his head.

 

“Baekhyun hyung,” he hears Sehun's timid voice call out for him again and he crawls over to the bars, forcing his eyes to see Sehun. The younger is biting his lip, fear emanating off his stance and Baekhyun has never seen Sehun act this way. He has always been cool and collected with his head held high, even in the riskiest situations.

 

Baekhyun glances around, there are no guards but he pushes a finger to his lips, signalling for Sehun to quieten his voice. The younger gets the message, eyes growing wide.

 

“How did they capture you?”

 

Sehun looks down, explaining in a softer voice than before, “I don't know, hyung. I can't remember anything after the mission. I woke up one day and I was here, locked up.”

 

Baekhyun's eyebrows pinch together in confusion, “You mean... someone brought you here after the mission?”

 

Sehun nods, slouching over, “I've been living in this cell for _weeks._ ”

 

“Where are the others?” Baekhyun inquires, worried.

 

Sehun shakes his head, looking even more hopeless than ever, “I don't know, hyung.”

 

Baekhyun briefly thinks about all the Saviours at the mission, wonders if they have been taken to this place, hiding in the many cells that are lining the long, dimmed corridor. Are they all afraid? Are they all questioning their places in the world just like Baekhyun?

 

Are they as lost as he feels?

 

“Did they...” Baekhyun trails off, hesitating. He looks over at Sehun, pursuing his lips, “Did they tell you anything?”

 

A nod again, then a pause. “Are you going to join them?”

 

At Sehun's question, Baekhyun halts, pressing his lips together, considering. Junmyeon's words flood his mind once again, his words hitting him harder than they should. The truth is that Junmyeon isn't wrong and it makes Baekhyun angry that he knows everything and that everything he has said to Baekhyun is true. Baekhyun can't fight the truth anymore when the evidence of it is blaring in his head.

 

Secrets, the government has always been full of secrets. They are constantly sent on missions where they execute a difficult task, and it's never recognised by the world, the government. The Saviours return to the headquarters, drained of the energy they used for their powers, and continue to live through the days without a single acknowledgement from the society.

 

“ _Do you ever wonder why you fight for the world when they don't give you anything back?”_ Junmyeon had asked rhetorically, and it plays on a loop in Baekhyun's mind. They are constantly risking their lives, using their powers to their full potentials and yet, in return, they are sent back to training, hidden away from the world, hidden from everything that they could have if the government hadn't been so _afraid_ of them.

 

 _It's their way of controlling them,_ Baekhyun realises. With the mutants in their hands, they can't do anything risking the lives of the mundane society. The government doesn't see them as equals, they treat them inferior.

 

That's where it starts; the anger bubbling in Baekhyun, the heavy revelation of what he has been fighting for is nothing at all, the full realisation that he _is_ indeed better than just the government's handy puppet.

 

“ _You have a gift,”_ Major Sunyoung recognised it earlier, marvelled at the power that Baekhyun holds. He looks down now at his hands, thinking of how the light surges through him as easily, the tricks that he could pull with such a bright light living in him.

 

He is the superior one that the government fears. Baekhyun is _the one_.

 

Why must he be a part of the M.A., being a soldier that does tasks handed to him by the government as they pretend to treat him as an equal? Reassuring that his powers aren't fatal, making him drink in the belief that he is far more inferior to everyone else because of the mass deaths that he could create with a simple stunt from his hands?

 

Junmyeon is right, the Saviours do deserve better than this. He deserves better than this. He deserves to be more than just a military tactic out of their back pockets, a tool that they don't dare to disclose to the world.

 

The confidence flows through Baekhyun at the thought of leading a rebellion against the government, shoving the fact that he is much better than a mere soldier following their orders blindly. He can do that, he can win and earn better treatment for his fellow mutants by the society they live in. He can erase all traces of inferiority and isolation, he can show to the government that whilst mutants have superpowers, they are also human.

 

The more Baekhyun thinks of it, the more appealing the idea becomes. He realises he has been fed with countless lies through his life about his ability and the world. He had been so weak and timid to everything in fear of the government, in fear of _himself_ even.

 

“You are going to join them,” Sehun suddenly says, more like a statement than a question. His knuckles are turning white as he grips onto the bars much tighter than before. His voice is pleading, “Don't do it, hyung. You know that they are lying to you, right?”

 

“Sehun,” Baekhyun interrupts, voice stronger and steadier. “We have been used as puppets by the government. They don't treat us with proper care.”

 

“But... you were happy,” Sehun whispers, and Baekhyun could see the younger boy's eyes growing misty with every word. “You were happy and so were we.”

 

Eyebrows furrowed, Baekhyun speaks out of anger, “I wasn't happy at all. I wasn't happy as a Saviour, I was _never_ happy.”

 

“And you are going to try to tell me it'll be better _here_?” Sehun exclaims, raising his voice along with an eyebrow lifted at Baekhyun. He's shaking his head, biting his lip.

 

Baekhyun shrugs, glancing around once more, “It could be if we agree to help out.”

 

“We are prisoned in cells, hyung!” Sehun reminds him, sobs resonating in tandem with his pitch heightening. He adds bitterly, “We can't even use our powers.”

 

Baekhyun is barely fazed by it, loosely gripping the bars in his own grip. He leans his cheek against the metal bars, feeling it grit against his skin. Junmyeon did wish for him to be at the head of the rebellion, wouldn't that be better than doing missions backhanded by the government?

 

He thinks of what Sehun had said, returns to the time he spent as a Saviour and he has never felt anxiety stronger than being in the headquarters of the M.A. He had spent every waking moment as a Saviour, afraid of these hands grabbing onto a light and taking it for himself. He had been so afraid of his full potential, avoiding the true nature of his powers.

 

Baekhyun doesn't have to be so scared anymore, if he helps to fight for a better world with the human beings.

 

He hears a choked sob and looks up to see Sehun wiping away at his cheeks, looking helpless and scared. Baekhyun almost wants to comfort him, but there is fear in Sehun, fear created by the lies of the government, fear to break out of being a Saviour. Fear that Baekhyun can't rid of with his words, no matter how convincing they are.

 

“ _I'm scared,”_ Sehun confesses, exhaling loudly. Baekhyun listens to light crying sounds Sehun makes as he struggles to say the words in clear syllables.

 

Baekhyun continues to lean his head against the bars, eyes fluttering close and letting himself take a deep breath, taking in the suffocating air in the small space. He feels his heartbeat calm down to a normal pace. There is fear somewhere in the pit of his stomach as well, not as strong as before, not as strong as Sehun's.

 

“We're all scared, Sehun,” Baekhyun says with a tone of finality, his words drifting into the air before deafening silence falls upon them.

 

 

–

 

 

Baekhyun didn't realise he had dozed off until he hears another banging against the bars.

This time, it's less harsh than the guards but it didn't register in his head much later. He looks up in a sleepy daze, expecting to see another guard there or perhaps the same one from before commanding him around and escorting him to somewhere else with a close eye on him.

 

Instead, he is faced with something – _someone_ far more surprising and disbelieving.

 

Baekhyun didn't think he had the strength to even move but he scrambles to his feet in two seconds flat, gasp leaving his lips at the sight. He wraps his hands around the metal bars tightly, trying to grasp onto reality, wondering if he is dreaming. Baekhyun pinches a little of his skin and it hurts. His heart hurts.

 

“ _Kyungsoo,_ ” he whispers, breathless and shocked.

 

The smaller boy stands before him, on the other side. Kyungsoo looks neat, from head to toe. His hair is slicked out of his face, gelled back, and he is clad in black trousers and a navy dress shirt that Baekhyun has never seen him don before. His face is the same, something Baekhyun has been missing and thinking about. His fingers itch to press against Kyungsoo's lips, run keys down his face and cup his cheeks.

 

But mostly, Baekhyun is wondering what Kyungsoo is doing _here_.

 

Kyungsoo has his gaze averted, avoiding Baekhyun's inquiring eyes. He slides the lock of its place, muttering quietly for Baekhyun to hear, “Get out first, I'll answer you later.”

 

Baekhyun keeps his eyes fixated on Kyungsoo, still in shock, as he obeys Kyungsoo, stepping out of the cell. Kyungsoo automatically wraps his hand around Baekhyun's wrist, pulling the boy down the corridor, as Baekhyun is still speechless, trying to wake up from this bittersweet dream.

 

All the noises from the cells lining down the corridor are muted to Baekhyun's ears, his eyes are constantly skimming over the boy next to him, questioning the reality he has been placed in, questioning everything he knows. He is hit with a blast of perplexity, lips sewn shut in fear of tainting this dream he's having, because even if it isn't real, he wants to stay.

 

As soon as they are both in the elevator, the doors sliding close, Kyungsoo turns to him, cupping Baekhyun's face in his hands and leaning close into him, so close that his mouth is hovering Baekhyun's. A whimper slips out of Baekhyun's lips and he knocks his forehead against Kyungsoo's lightly. Their noses nudge as Baekhyun's mouth slowly covers Kyungsoo's in an excruciatingly gentle kiss. It pulls a moan out of Kyungsoo, reverberating in Baekhyun's ears.

 

“I missed you so much,” Kyungsoo whispers now, as they ascend levels, his eyes fluttering close, lashes brushing against Baekhyun's cheeks.

 

Baekhyun could feel his heart drumming against his ribcage, the warmth enveloping him in the form of Kyungsoo. The elevator croaks, moving wobbly as it continues to ascend, prolonging their reunion. Questions can wait, he thinks. This moment matters more to him than anything else.

 

But then, he remembers everything from earlier, the hard truth, the apologetic note left in Kyungsoo's sketchbook meant for Baekhyun, the life-changing revelation. He starts to pull away but Kyungsoo keeps him close, hands grasping Baekhyun's biceps tightly, taking in a shuddering breath.

 

“Let me have this, B,” Kyungsoo says, pleading and Baekhyun almost listens to him, almost falls into the trap, but he continues to fight against Kyungsoo's grip and finally succeeds at pulling away.

 

Baekhyun holds Kyungsoo at an arm's length, observing the way a sigh leaves Kyungsoo's lips. He tries to calm the fast-paced beating of his heart at the sight of Kyungsoo with deep, collected breaths but to no avail, it doesn't falter. Baekhyun straightens, taking a step away from Kyungsoo, piling distance between them.

 

“Explain,” Baekhyun crosses his arms, rubbing his arms to breathe warmth into his skin again. He tries to keep his voice steady, “Why are you here?”  
  
The doors open, signalling their arrival at the first level, but they both stay unmoving, staring at each other in the eyes, silent. Baekhyun could hear guards pacing the floors, muffled noise from somewhere else but he is more attuned to the breathing of his own heart and Kyungsoo.

 

“I'm one of them,” Kyungsoo finally divulges, tearing his eyes away from Baekhyun to stare at his polished shoes. “I'm part of EXO, along with Yixing hyung and Chanyeol.”

 

Baekhyun might have been expectant of this answer but it still ripples through his mind in shock waves. He thinks of kind Yixing and noisy Chanyeol, with their friendly smiles, eager and willing to nurse him back to good health.

 

Baekhyun pretends, staying calm and nodding in acknowledgment, “So you have pow– ”

 

Kyungsoo interjects, “Powers? Yeah, I control earth and have superhuman strength. Yixing is a healer, Chanyeol controls fire.”

 

 _No wonder,_ it explains why Yixing was disguised as a medical student. He had been secretly healing Baekhyun all this time, under the pretence of a knowledgeable medical student. It clears the fog better in his head but yet, his mind is whirling from the truth slipping out of Kyungsoo's lips.

 

He takes a step back from Kyungsoo again, voice accusing, “And all this time... you knew?”

 

Baekhyun didn't say it but he is sure Kyungsoo knows that he is referring to the time he was bedridden in his apartment, trying to recover his memories from the mission, trying to heal the head injury he had gotten. All this time, Baekhyun hid the truth from Kyungsoo, his heart growing heavy from the guilt and lies.

 

A sense of betrayal fills his being, and he is staring at Kyungsoo in utter disbelief. It was Kyungsoo who has been lying to him all this time, under a perfectly disguised mask that Baekhyun could never doubt. It makes him sick to think of all the times he almost caved in due to the pressuring guilty voices in his head, wishing to confide in Kyungsoo as honestly as he could.

 

Yet, there Kyungsoo is, pretending and lying to him as well.

 

Baekhyun thinks faintly of Jongdae, remembering what Junmyeon had told him, and he wonders how tightly his life is woven with EXO. Spied on at M.A. and taken care of by EXO members...

 

What _is_ his importance to EXO?

 

Kyungsoo suddenly leans forward, wrapping his fingers tight around Baekhyun's wrist and tugging on to pull him out of the elevator. Their steps are quick, matched and Kyungsoo uses Baekhyun's surprise to his advantage as he drags him away from the elevator, manoeuvring through the hallway.

 

As Baekhyun's mind catches up with his feet, he tries to stop, draw his hand away from Kyungsoo's grasp, but the boy is strong like he mentioned, unwavering.

 

“Yes, I knew,” Kyungsoo answers calmly, as he directs Baekhyun somewhere. His voice is softer too, a bare whisper above the white noise. “I knew that you can summon light, I knew that you are part of the government's M.A.”

 

Kyungsoo skids to a stop, grip still clasped around Baekhyun's wrist, disallowing him from moving. He sighs, eyes dark with intensity as he gazes at Baekhyun, “And I knew that falling for you was a flight risk but I did anyway.”

Baekhyun falters, eyes flickering to Kyungsoo's irises filled with sincerity and honesty, and feels his heart stop for a few beats. The words run through Baekhyun's mind, painting his cheeks a soft pink and bathing him in a sense of warmth. Kyungsoo's thumb rubs against the pulse on Baekhyun's wrist, before lowering his hand down to intertwine their fingers together.

 

“Don't,” Baekhyun warns but his hand stays interlocked with Kyungsoo's, unflinching. He breaks the gaze, his chest heaving out of the conflicting emotions running through his body. “You can't say that and expect me to fall into your trap again.”

 

Hurt flashes in Kyungsoo's eyes, “I did apologise in a note, B. I _am_ sorry, you deserve better.”

 

“It doesn't excuse your lies, your pretence!” Baekhyun bursts out, using his other hand to land punches on Kyungsoo's chest, ignoring the way he is unaffected by them while Baekhyun's closed fist aches against Kyungsoo's sturdy frame.

 

He lands one last punch on Kyungsoo's chest before Kyungsoo catches Baekhyun's wrist and brushes his full lips against Baekhyun's whitened knuckles from the pressure. Baekhyun chokes out a sob, biting on his lip from letting any more out. It's soothing but Baekhyun won't allow Kyungsoo to slip in as easily as before, not when he hid the truth from him.

 

“I'm sorry,” Kyungsoo repeats, muffled with his lips against Baekhyun's knuckles. “I can't explain everything to you now.”

 

Baekhyun tugs on his wrist back but Kyungsoo's grip is too strong. He scoffs, “You don't have to, anymore. Junmyeon already did.”

 

Kyungsoo lifts his eyebrows, surprised, “Oh did he?” He hums, letting go of Baekhyun finally and putting his hands into his pockets, “I guess you don't have to hear anything else from me.”

 

Baekhyun tilts his head at the change of mood in Kyungsoo, his hands feeling devoid of warmth, “I don't think so, I'm pretty convinced by it.”

 

“Pretty convinced?” Kyungsoo questions, eyebrows furrowed. He parts his lips a few times before starting, “Baekhyun, I don't think you kn– ”

 

A familiar voice interrupts them, light-pitched, “Ah, Kyungsoo. I was wondering what's taking you so long to escort Baekhyun to dinner.”

 

Baekhyun watches as Kyungsoo's irises harden at the voice before turning his head around to address the intruder properly, “Junmyeon.”

 

Baekhyun swivels around to see Junmyeon sauntering over towards them with a wine glass in hand. His eyes fall on Baekhyun for a second before flitting towards Kyungsoo, raising his glass in the air, “I'll take Baekhyun from here, Kyungsoo. You can join the others in preparation for dinner.”

 

Kyungsoo rests his eyes on Baekhyun, gaze heavy with words that he can't read. He nods, but he is barely acknowledging Junmyeon, and before he leaves Baekhyun with Junmyeon, he leans in close to whisper a promise into Baekhyun's ear.

 

“I'll find you later. We'll talk in private.”

 

Then, Kyungsoo takes off, fixing his jacket as he passes through the hallway, steps resonating in Baekhyun's ears at his departure. Baekhyun turns his head just as Junmyeon presses a hand against his back, a smile unwavering from his lips.

 

Junmyeon looks well, not a single scratch on him since the stunt Baekhyun pulled earlier. He considers an apology for a second, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth, nibbling on the flesh.

 

“Junmyeon sir?” Baekhyun starts in a timid voice, uncertain.

 

The leader laughs, “Call me hyung.”

 

“Junmyeon hyung,” Baekhyun restarts, his mind flashing back to the light beam he pulled out, aimed at the leader earlier. “I apologise for this morning, I wasn't thinking clearly and...”

 

Junmyeon waves it off, chuckling, “That's fine.” He leans in a bit before remarking, “I find your powers very impressive, I didn't think I'd see it first-hand so fast.”

 

Baekhyun blinks, dumbfounded by the way Junmyeon turns it from a big deal into nothing, dismissing the way Baekhyun practically almost seared him off with a blast of burning light on his end. Otherwise, Baekhyun doesn't complain, goes along with it and nods, reciprocating Junmyeon's smile with one of his, though a little tense at the corners.

 

“Let's get you all dressed up now, shall we?” Junmyeon presses a bit of force into Baekhyun's back, making him stumble on his feet before moving along with the leader. “We don't want the others' first impression of you to be in a dirty attire.”

 

“The others?”

 

Junmyeon nods enthusiastically, trailing his fingers down Baekhyun's back, making him squirm out of discomfort, “The members of EXO. It's time to introduce you to the family.”

 

Baekhyun sinks his teeth down on his bottom lip, hesitating, “Has.. Kyungsoo been part of EXO for long?”

 

A glint twinkles in Junmyeon's irises, amused, “Yes. He's one of the first ones to join.” He shakes his head, laughing softly, “He stayed until now, how loyal of him.”

 

The information whirls in Baekhyun's mind and he remembers the way Kyungsoo laughed when answering his question hours into the late night, _“Honest, I suppose, and loyal.”_ Baekhyun inwardly scoffs, thinking of his answer now. _Honest,_ Baekhyun thinks bitterly, when through out his stay in the apartment, Kyungsoo had been living under a perfect disguise to fool Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun wonders how much of it is the truth, afraid of knowing what's real and not real.

 

He stays mum, as Junmyeon leads him to a spacious room with a queens bed in the middle of it all. Light curtains drape over the bed, as the sunlight penetrates through the wide window panes, casting the room in soft bright glow. The light brews in Baekhyun, drinking in the energy from the sunlight, shocking him with an adrenaline rush in his veins.

 

Junmyeon, on the other hand, opens the wardrobe, gesturing to the line of clothes hung up and the folded pieces of clothing in the drawers. He smiles, eyes crinkled at Baekhyun, “I'll leave you to your devices. Be ready in twenty.” He waves away at Baekhyun before leaving him in the room alone, doors slammed after his exit.

 

Baekhyun surveys the room, taking tentative steps around the huge space, afraid to touch anything in particular. He pads towards the bathroom, cleansing and pampering himself with a hot shower. Then, he stands before the mirror in the bathroom, hands propping himself up on the sink, a familiar position as to before during the M.A. days.

 

He contemplates on his decisions, thoughts swimming around in his head. Baekhyun tries to calm himself down, taking deep breaths in counts of five. He studies his face in the mirror, noticing the dry stretch of his skin. Baekhyun stares at the lines circling around his mouth, grim and solemn. There are dark, heavy bags under his eyes from the fatigue and restlessness coursing through his body.

 

A frown takes form on Baekhyun's pouty lips as he assesses his face further. Steam circles him from the hot shower and it fogs up the mirror. He doesn't bother to wipe it off, merely pushing himself off from the sink and sighing. Baekhyun has gone through so many changes in the past few weeks, regrets and bittersweet memories made from the days he has experienced.

 

The strength of the light whirls within him, bruised by the many hardships he has gone through.

 

Baekhyun decides to wear a plain white button down shirt along with grey khaki pants. He stares at his scuffed shoes a little too long, feeling too much fondness for the shoes given by Yixing as a recovery gift. He sighs, sliding them off to replace with a pair of black loafers, polished to the heel flawlessly.

 

He stares at the messy, wet state his hair is in, before brushing through his dark locks and leaving them to dry on its own. Baekhyun could barely care about the members of the EXO, but he did want to make an effort to look half decent.

 

Baekhyun treads over to the doors, slowly turning the knob to part the doors. He peeks out, noticing a guard waiting outside, a finger pressed on his ear piece. Baekhyun walks out of the room and the guard turns on him, alert. He motions for Baekhyun to follow and he keeps company as he directs them to the dinner hall. There is bustling inside and as the doors part to let Baekhyun enter, his jaw drops at the size of the hall, in awe of the grandness.

 

“Baekhyun!” Junmyeon calls out, waving him over with an easy smile.

 

Baekhyun merely bows before trudging over, eyes skimming over everyone he passes. The brightness of all the lights gathered in the room overwhelms Baekhyun and he staggers a bit as he walks past everyone. _Too bright,_ he thinks faintly. _Too many of them._

 

He notices Kyungsoo in a deep conversation with someone and when he looks closely, he notices with a sharp intake of breath that it's Chanyeol, playfully lighting a candle on fire with his fingers. His gaze pans over the members, recognising Yixing as one of them too, lifting a two finger salute at him shyly. He draws closer to Junmyeon and the leader turns with his arms wide as Baekhyun notices Jongin behind him, sipping on red wine.

 

“Welcome!” Junmyeon embraces in a formal hug, pulling away so quickly that Baekhyun is relieved that it barely lasted for a second.

 

Jongin, on the other hand, has his eyes skimming over Baekhyun's body from head to toe before giving him a playful wink, “Looking good, Baekhyun hyung.

 

Baekhyun rolls his eyes, before plastering a small smile on his lips. Junmyeon places his hands on Baekhyun's shoulders and turns Baekhyun around, directing him to his seat down the table. He, then, clinks a spoon against a glass, catching everyone's attention as they stop mid-way in their conversations to focus on Junmyeon.

 

“Let's all settle down before the meals come in,” Junmyeon says, in a commanding tone, and everyone follows, walking over to their seats.

 

Baekhyun feels someone slip in next to him, taking the seat, and looks up to see an electric blue mop of hair. A whiff of cold air overwhelms Baekhyun momentarily, out of nowhere. As the stranger settles down, Baekhyun notices the rounded face and single-lidded icy eyes, lined with kohl. His fingers are drumming impatiently against the table and Baekhyun pays no attention as he faces forward, briefly locking eyes with Kyungsoo opposite him.

 

The pang hits Baekhyun's chest and he drops the gaze, still pained from what Kyungsoo had done.

 

“Byun Baekhyun, right?” the stranger asks next to him, and he turns at his name, nodding to verify his identity. The smile grows wider, kittenish at the corners of his lips, with a gleam in his eyes. “I'm Kim Minseok, that's hyung for you.”

 

Baekhyun politely bows in his seat to Minseok, eyes still caught on the sharp blue hues of his hair, “A pleasure to meet you.”

 

Minseok hums in agreement, “Definitely a pleasure.” He adds, “We've heard too many things about you, never thought the day would come where we'd see you in the flesh.”

 

“Only good things, I hope?” Baekhyun jests, lifting an eyebrow, though he wonders about his importance and role to the members of EXO, wonders about how they've found out about him in the first place.

 

Minseok laughs, loud and pleasant in Baekhyun's ears, “Of course.”

 

Just as Baekhyun opens his mouth to ask Minseok to share the things he's heard about Baekhyun, a bell rings out of the blue, interrupting him, and butlers and maids flood into the dinner hall, holding trays and setting them down on the table in front of every single one. It is all so incredibly grand and Baekhyun revels in the privilege of being the recipient of such service.

 

Before they could all dive into their dinner, Junmyeon stands up with his wine glass raised above his head. He tilts the glass over at Baekhyun, signalling him to get up, so he does, feeling awkward and self-conscious from all the eyes trained on him.

 

“This is Byun Baekhyun,” Junmyeon introduces him and it earns Baekhyun a whooping, loud clap of applause from the majority and hollering from a few people. Junmyeon laughs before continuing, “Let's all give him a pleasant night to remember and treat him well in our care.”

 

Junmyeon adds, trailing off, “As he is...?”

 

“One of us and we vow to protect all mutants from any harm,” the room erupts in unison, roaring, and Baekhyun is taken aback by the perfectly in-sync reaction to Junmyeon's words, guessing that it has happened more than a few times.

 

“That's right,” Junmyeon compliments everyone, pride written along the curve of his lips. “Let's toast to the new, brilliant addition to our growing team, Byun Baekhyun!” he bellows, raising his glass even higher at the same time as everyone, and they dedicate the toast to Baekhyun, harmonising, lifting the hairs on Baekhyun's skin in chills.

 

He stands, awed and surprised by the perfect unison of EXO, and as his eyes flick over to Kyungsoo, he sees the doe eyes he had fallen for, staring right at him with unexplained intensity. Another chill shudders through Baekhyun's body and he slowly sinks down in his seat when the dedication toast ends.

 

Minseok personally clinks his glass against Baekhyun's, exclaiming in excitement, “Kudos to you!”

 

Baekhyun smiles, flustered by the attention, ducking his head low. Everyone eventually dives into their dinner, the hall filled with chewing sounds and white noise of light conversations. Baekhyun pretends to be invested in the enthusiasm seeping out of Minseok, chatting leisurely about a stray kitten he decided to keep as a pet, but the icy cold from his fingers prevent him from holding the cat.

 

“Kyungsoo has been looking at you an awful lot,” Minseok jerks his chin in the opposite direction, teasing at Baekhyun's buttons. “What have you done to our earthling?”

 

A laugh slips at the nickname Minseok gives Kyungsoo. He shakes his head, quipping, “Maybe it's because I'm so good-looking?”

 

Minseok snorts at Baekhyun's answer, almost spitting the wine out onto the plate in front of him. Baekhyun cackles as the older boy narrows his eyes at him, “Looks like some kind of lover's spat in my opinion.”

 

“We are not lovers,” Baekhyun says defensively. He, then, mutters under his breath, “Nothing quite like it actually.”

 

“Is that so?” Minseok asks, eyebrows raised in curiousity and Baekhyun leaves it at that, returning to his dinner.

 

He tries to avoid the conversation then, and Minseok takes the hint, turning the topic around into something else. Baekhyun loses himself once again in the conversation, nodding along to Minseok's words. He pretends to not notice Kyungsoo staring from the corner of his eye, pretends to not see the way his eyes linger a little too long on Baekhyun instead of the dish, pretends to not acknowledge the way Kyungsoo's irises harden by every second that passes with him not reciprocating his gaze.

 

The pretence goes on, for Baekhyun's sake.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Baekhyun-ah!” Junmyeon calls out, clearly drunk after the dinner. Baekhyun turns around, halted on his way to the basement. Junmyeon staggers on his feet, as he tries to walk towards Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun holds out a hand to steady the leader but Junmyeon shoves him away lightly, claiming that he is fine on his two feet. Baekhyun stands close anyway, on standby. He had noticed Junmyeon taking sip after sip of the wine, cackling at everything and requesting for refills every single time his glass was left empty. Baekhyun, himself, stayed away from the wine, only taking two or three sips as the night progressed on.

 

“It seems that the members are fond of you,” Junmyeon slurs, swaying on his stance.

Baekhyun chuckles, “That's exaggerating.”

 

Junmyeon nods his head enthusiastically, wagging his index finger at Baekhyun, “It's true. You easily fit in with us, Baekhyun-ah.”

 

When Baekhyun can't find an answer, Junmyeon continues, slurring his words further, “We desperately need you.” Junmyeon aims a hit on Baekhyun's chest with the back of his hand, but misses it by a few inches, hitting his bicep instead. “You are _so_ powerful, we need someone like that to intimidate the government.”

 

“I'm not...” Baekhyun trails off but Junmyeon doesn't even hear him, already interrupting him.

 

“You are capable of so many things,” the leader goes on to say, rocking back and forth on his heels. He whispers out, eyes wide in awe, “I _envy_ you.”

 

The look in Junmyeon's eyes is too reminiscent of Major Sunyoung's, the amazement twinkling in her eyes at the sight of Baekhyun's powers. Baekhyun is hit with a deja vu of the similar awe and envy Major Sunyoung had on her face, upon witnessing the potential of Baekhyun's light. Instead of the fear that Baekhyun is expectant to see, he is fronted with a stranger reaction. Eyes widened, Baekhyun steps backwards, shaking his head in humble denial.

 

“ _You_ are the one,” Junmyeon continues, eyes dazed from the infusion of alcohol in his veins. He suddenly grips onto Baekhyun's biceps, shaking him hard, “You will bring us to power, Baekhyun.”

 

“Join us,” Junmyeon repeats it again, the stank breath of alcohol hitting Baekhyun at once. “Join us.”

 

“We need you,” Baekhyun's repulsed by the alcohol, turning his head away but Junmyeon is too close to him that he can't ignore his words or his breath. “ _I need you._ ”

 

Baekhyun feels another hand pulling him back on the shoulder and as he swivels around, he recognises Yixing smiling down at him, concern in his eyes. He pries Junmyeon's fingers off Baekhyun's biceps, taking the leader into his hold. Baekhyun is momentarily shaken up by the words that left Junmyeon's lips, uncertain of the meaning, or specifically, afraid of the meaning.

 

“I apologise,” Yixing bows his head low at Baekhyun before straightening and throwing him a last smile as he directs the drunk leader away from Baekhyun. His slurred words lessens into a mere soft sound in the distance, as they both walk away from Baekhyun, Yixing's arm clutched around Junmyeon tightly.

 

Baekhyun treads over to the elevator in a trance, feeling the heavy weight of Junmyeon's words on his shoulders. He ignores the lingering stares of the guards pacing around as he steps into the elevator, having a half clear mind to press on the button for the basement. He nibbles on his bottom lip, feeling the light surge in him at the thought of being the powerful head of a rebellion.

 

The elevator doors part, and Baekhyun walks through the corridor, light glowing on the tips of fingers to guide him through the shadowed path. He stops before the familiar cell opposite his, crouching to his knees and knocking lightly on the metal bars.

 

“Sehun?” Baekhyun calls out softly, a lone whisper in the dark night.

 

He hears a muffled response before he is faced with Sehun through the metal bars. With the close proximity, Baekhyun could see Sehun much more clearly, even with the light glowing from his fingers. There are crusts of sleepiness deep in the corners of his eyes, dried saliva at the ends of his mouth. Fatigue weighs the bags underneath Sehun's eyes down. He looks so terribly down, Baekhyun aches to fix it.

 

Baekhyun touches Sehun's cheeks, his fingers slipping past the bars, and lets the light stream out of his fingers, absorbing into Sehun's ivory skin. Sehun's irises become alight from the energy, bringing life into his skin from Baekhyun's touch.

 

His fingers leave Sehun's skin, feeling a little drained, whilst Sehun's eyes are widened with zeal. Baekhyun's hand slumps against his side, as Sehun studies him closely, narrowing his eyes at Baekhyun's attire from head to toe.

 

“You look well... better than before,” Sehun comments sharply, eyes piercing through Baekhyun's. “It seems like you had your fair share of time with EXO,” he adds with a bitter tone.

 

Baekhyun looks down at his clothes, realising how well and proper dressed he seems to Sehun, and he starts to retract. He shakes his head at Sehun, “No.. Sehun...”

 

“You fit in quite well,” Sehun says and if Baekhyun strains his ears, he could sense sadness in Sehun's voice, a hint of plea. “You're going to leave me here to rot and join them.”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head, immediately covering Sehun's hand gripping on the bars with his. He feels Sehun tense under his touch but he ignores it, thinking more about what he came down here for.

 

He starts tentatively, “About that, Sehun...” Baekhyun inhales deeply, “I think you and I should be part of EXO.”

 

Baekhyun rushes on, so that Sehun can't interrupt him with a word of rejection or repulsion, “We'll be protected by the others, we can be _ourselves_ without fearing anything, Sehunnie. Isn't that wonderful?”

 

Sehun's face looks even more dejected, the light that Baekhyun has given him dimming out more quickly than usual. Baekhyun's heart thumps in his ribcage and he grasps Sehun's hand tightly, hoping he sounds convincing enough. A hope is still bubbling in Baekhyun, he wants the best for Sehun.

 

He wants the best for everyone.

 

If he could, Baekhyun would send everyone from M.A. over here, to protect them from the lies spoon-fed by the government. He thinks of Seungwan and the potential that lies in her mind-boggling powers, Yoongi and his beast-like strength, even Taehyung and his laser eyes.

 

Baekhyun wants them to strive in this society just like what he's about to fight for.

 

“You know...” Sehun begins, tears welling up in his eyes and it surprises Baekhyun. “I lay here at night and I can hear what people in the cells are saying, what they are murmuring so much about.”

 

Sehun looks deep into Baekhyun's eyes, intense and heavy with unshed tears, his voice haunting in the shadows of the late hour, “Hatred and fear. They are all hateful and afraid of you. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

 

Even though Baekhyun shakes his head, he remembers it too clearly in his mind.

 

“You didn't want to be feared of. You kept asking me over and over again, afraid of the moment you could go rogue,” Sehun laughs too bitterly and it sends a pang to Baekhyun's chest. His gaze is piercing through Baekhyun's heart, words sharper than a blunt knife, “Now look at you, hyung. You are becoming a symbol of rebellion, something people would fear.”

 

His words make Baekhyun dizzy with a fusion of fury and hurt. Baekhyun draws away from Sehun, unable to decipher the meaning behind his words. Baekhyun fights the hurt off, his eyes hardening. He stays silent, his hand growing clammy against Sehun's. A tense silence fills the gaps, easing the sharpness of Sehun's words, but Baekhyun is sure the cut is too deep to properly heal.

 

A hiccup breaks the silence, from Sehun's end. He says, out of a sudden, realisation dripping in his voice, “I don't belong here.”

 

It's almost a sight, Baekhyun thinks. Red lines mark his eyes, watery. There's an element of sadness and perhaps desperation if Baekhyun tries hard enough to look deep within.

 

“No one belongs here,” Baekhyun answers, flicking his gaze to the dull grey walls they are faced with, like obstacles they can't break through.

 

But Baekhyun is going to break through them, he is positive he can.

“No,” Sehun stubbornly presses. Baekhyun's eyes fall on him again and he almost regrets at the look Sehun gives him. It resembles pity, and it arches its bow, the arrow fitting snugly through Baekhyun's chest. “ _You're one of them. You belong with them._ ”

 

Baekhyun thinks of the night he has had with the members of EXO, the feeling of euphoria for the first time since the week with Kyungsoo. He thinks of the possibility, the sense of belonging to a place where he would strive better. And he realises that they are all part of the suffering and the isolation, in it together, they are all yearning for the same thing.

 

EXO or not, they are all the same.

 

And Sehun's wrong, because Baekhyun doesn't want to belong anymore, he wants to stand out.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Baekhyun spits out, the sight of Kyungsoo is sickening him, dizzying his thoughts into a muddle of conflicting emotions between _want_ and _hatred._

 

He sits outside of the room Baekhyun's assigned to, knees drawn to his chest. After accidentally dozing off in front of Sehun's cell, the guard that went down for a night watch, woke him up, directing him to a room on the ground level. Baekhyun took a glance backwards to check on Sehun but the younger boy had retreated into the darkness in the small space.

 

Baekhyun stands now before Kyungsoo, trying to figure out a way to avoid the boy. He remembers the promise Kyungsoo has made earlier about speaking in private. Exhaustion courses through his body and Baekhyun wants nothing more than to sleep the night away before making a proper decision about Junmyeon's proposal.

 

“ _Join us,”_ it floats into Baekhyun's ears in the exact same breathy tone Junmyeon had, desperate. It had been lingering in his mind ever since he had the conversation with Sehun, positive that the younger has no plans of joining with him. His heart falls at the thought. He had been a Saviour with Sehun for a long time, he doesn't know how to fight without Sehun alongside him.

 

But he can't eliminate Sehun's fear that easily.

 

“I told you that we need to talk,” Kyungsoo says now, tearing Baekhyun away from his thoughts. He is getting up from the floor, dusting dust off his dark trousers.

 

Kyungsoo is facing Baekhyun properly with an unreadable expression but Baekhyun ignores him, shoves his shoulder into Kyungsoo's and pushes the key, given by the guard, into the lock. He turns the knob over, parting the door to walk in. He doesn't bother to look back to check if Kyungsoo had followed after him, but sure enough, Baekhyun hears the click of the door locking behind him and drops the key onto the dresser.

 

Baekhyun minds his own business, popping a few buttons on his shirt open and closing the curtains to keep the chilly night breeze out of his room. He tries his best to not ponder on the fact that Kyungsoo is standing in the middle of the room, watching him silently. He pads towards the bathroom, splashes a cup of water into his face and wipes lightly at the droplets on his skin.

 

Baekhyun stares at his reflection for a second, frowning at the way his heart is thudding in his chest.

 

“What is it?” Baekhyun declares, asking as he trudges over to the bed, plopping himself down at the foot of it.

 

He keeps his gaze fixated on Kyungsoo's polished shoes, refusing to deal with the intensity held in Kyungsoo's eyes. He sees Kyungsoo's shoes moving towards him until the boy crouches down to his knees before Baekhyun on the carpeted floor.

 

“Look at me,” Kyungsoo pleads, fingers drumming lightly on Baekhyun's knees. Baekhyun obeys, lifting his gaze and meeting Kyungsoo's eyes.

 

“I want you to tell me what Junmyeon said,” Kyungsoo adjures softly. “Everything he told you.”

 

The words fly out of Baekhyun's mouth at Kyungsoo's command, “Junmyeon told me that he needed me as the head of the rebellion against the government. He wants to make a change in the way we are treated by the world, show them who's the far more superior race.”

 

Kyungsoo stops tapping his fingers against Baekhyun's knees, “And you're going to do it?”

 

Silence ensues, as Baekhyun contemplates. He is sure of doing it, but he is second-guessing himself once again, doubting his full potential once more. The same habits he attained in the M.A. return to him as Baekhyun question his capability as a fighter, a _Saviour._

 

But he isn't a Saviour no more, he has no rules, no law to stick to.

 

“Yes,” Baekhyun answers, nodding along. “Yes, I'm going to do it.”

 

Kyungsoo's fingers clench in Baekhyun's khaki pants, gripping the fabric tight. “No,” he says through gritted teeth. “You mustn't.”

 

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun asks, perplexed by the way Kyungsoo is behaving. He watches the way Kyungsoo's chest heaves slowly, a loud exhale coming out of his lips. He pushes at Kyungsoo's hands on his knees, making his hands hang limply by his sides at the loss of contact between him and Baekhyun.

 

Kyungsoo is shaking his head, “You don't understand.” He is muttering something under his breath and Baekhyun can only make out the words, _'clueless'_ , _'naïve'_ and _'risky'_.

 

Suddenly, Kyungsoo gets up, hands placed on his hips, pacing back and forth on the carpeted floor in distress. Baekhyun's eyebrows pinch together in confusion. He remains seated on the foot of the bed, not knowing the issue at hand here. Shouldn't Kyungsoo be glad that he is joining them?

 

“Listen carefully, B,” Kyungsoo directs, in a soft tone. He stops pacing the floor, turning to Baekhyun, eyes wide. “EXO is not what you think it is. It's a huge risk, your life will be in grave danger.”

 

Baekhyun chuckles, “You say this like I've never been at the edge of death before. I was literally found, bloody, and saved by Yixing hyung. I was part of the M.A.”

 

He shakes his head at the worry laced in Kyungsoo's tone, “You have no idea of the things I've seen and been through.”

 

“You weren't found, B,” Kyungsoo carefully says. “Jongin saved you from the attack during the M.A. mission you were on and brought you to Yixing hyung, us.”

 

Baekhyun widen his eyes in shock, trying to decipher his words. “W-what attack?” he stutters, a tremble heard in his voice.

 

“I don't know,” Kyungsoo mutters, averting his eyes away from Baekhyun. “Jongin never told us.”

 

“You are lying,” Baekhyun accuses him, hurt clear in his shaky voice. “You are lying to me again!”

 

Kyungsoo drops his hands on Baekhyun's shoulders, pinching the fabric of the white shirt, shaking his head, “I'm not lying, Baekhyun! I would have told you if I knew. I'm not going to lie to you ever again.”

 

Baekhyun stares deep into Kyungsoo's eyes, feeling his own tears coming on and welling up in his eyes. All this time, he thought he was stumbling into this life, unfortunate and lucky at the same time. Yet, it's Jongin who saved him, Yixing who healed him and Kyungsoo who stayed by him.

 

“Why did you lie to me then?” the question bursts out of Baekhyun's lips in barely concealed anger. “Why couldn't you have told me?”

 

Kyungsoo's eyes soften. “I didn't want to,” he admits. “But I had to for the sake of keeping EXO a secret.”

 

“But I'm here anyway.”

 

“Yes,” Kyungsoo looks away, before Baekhyun catches the look of disappointment flickering onto his features. “Unfortunately, you are.”

 

A pang attacks Baekhyun's heart at those words, his bottom lip jutting out. The feeling of being unwanted fills his being, wishing he could understand the reasoning behind Kyungsoo's untold words.

 

“Why do you not want me to be a part of EXO, 'Soo?” Baekhyun asks, gingerly touching Kyungsoo's hand. “If I'm part of it, wouldn't we be together?”

 

A sigh escapes Kyungsoo's lips and he flutters his eyes close before answering, “I want that as much as you, B. But I don't want you to live this life anymore.” He opens his eyes, focusing on Baekhyun even more, holding his gaze stronger, “It's dangerous. Being part of this is a danger.”

 

“I can't do that, 'Soo,” Baekhyun sighs as well. “I've been used terribly by the government, I want to fight for our rights too.”

 

Kyungsoo settles down next to Baekhyun, the bed shifting in its weight. His hands drop to Baekhyun's thighs, rubbing circles on the clothed skin. Baekhyun peers closely at the bags underneath Kyungsoo's eyes and wonders if he is suffering sleepless nights again. He rubs absent-mindedly at Kyungsoo's dark circles, watching the way the boy flutters his eyes closed, lashes brushing against Baekhyun's thumbs.

 

“You don't have to,” Kyungsoo whispers, imploring Baekhyun to listen closely. “It's not your responsibility to win it for us, you know that right?”

 

 _Is it?_ Baekhyun thinks about the hope bubbling in Junmyeon's eyes when he tries to convince Baekhyun into being a part of the rebellion, the head of it, leading them into the battlefield. He thinks of how EXO had been watching him for years, had been watching the M.A. for a while. The grave seriousness of the isolation they all feel from society, the way Junmyeon aims for a more equal balance set in.

 

He feels responsible for setting the equal balance between human beings and mutants, for freeing the Saviours from the mistreatment they are under, for awakening the world in seeing that there is indeed humanity in mutants.

 

Baekhyun would know, he has seen it in Yixing, Jongdae, Kyungsoo. The same human traits that live in the privileged beings of the society, live in them.

 

 _They need him_ , the realisation of it hits him deep in his gut, shattering every single thought in his head. _They need him to lead._

 

“I have to, 'Soo,” Baekhyun lowers his hands and nudges his nose against Kyungsoo, causing the latter to open his eyes. “We have to.”

 

“No, we don't,” Kyungsoo's voice sounding rough and raspier. He closes the distance, his breath ghosting over Baekhyun's lips. His eyes skim over Baekhyun's lips, and he could see the hint of desire in those irises, mirroring his.

 

It takes an excruciatingly long time before Kyungsoo finally takes the jump, capturing Baekhyun's lips in a chaste kiss, tasting reminiscent of the sweet berries from the wine they had at dinner. Kyungsoo kisses those anxious thoughts away, replacing them with lustful thoughts, craving and craving for something more. Baekhyun finds that his heart had been longing for _this_ , for Kyungsoo's hands roaming over his chest, resting there, for the way Kyungsoo tilts his head into the kiss, deepening it further.

 

Baekhyun licks his way into Kyungsoo's mouth, relishing in the sweetness. His hands cup Kyungsoo's jaw, his thumb rubbing against the line of his jaw. One of Kyungsoo's hand drops to Baekhyun's thigh, fingers creeping into the inner thigh, padding his fingers against the skin.

 

“I hate that you're always making me fall for your trap,” Baekhyun gasps out, breath fanning out in white puffs of air, as Kyungsoo leaves his lips and presses kisses down the length of Baekhyun's jaw.

 

Kyungsoo laughs into Baekhyun's skin, amusement laced in his voice, “It has to be equal, B.”

 

“And I hate the way you call me B,” Baekhyun sighs out, when Kyungsoo sucks insistently on the skin where his neck and jaw meets.

 

Kyungsoo mumbles against his skin, but Baekhyun hears it nonetheless, “You just hate me in general.”

 

Baekhyun nods, pulling away from him, holding Kyungsoo's face. His eyes drift over to the swell of Kyungsoo's lips, the redness tainting his lips. Baekhyun says fondly, “I do, I really do.”

 

Baekhyun's words contradict his actions as he tugs on Kyungsoo's wrist, pulling him into his body under the soft covers, he realises he has never felt more at home than the moment right here with Kyungsoo. His heart beats rapidly, in tandem with Kyungsoo. Their hands stay intertwined under the sheets, Baekhyun smiles into Kyungsoo's shoulder, and Kyungsoo smiles down at him.

 

Baekhyun kisses at the mole by Kyungsoo's ear, whispering sleepily, “I'll fight for this. I'll fight to be with you.”

 

His eyes could no longer fight the sleepiness, the dreams taking him under the darkness, and he doesn't struggle. Baekhyun closes his eyes with ease, feeling safe with his arms wrapped around Kyungsoo's torso. There is still conflicting emotions underneath but Baekhyun chooses to ignore them, chooses to act on impulse according to what his heart wants.

 

And his heart wants Kyungsoo.

 

The rebellion, the M.A., Junmyeon... it all fades away into white noise and Baekhyun chooses to drift into sleep. His ears perk up on a few mumbled words by Kyungsoo, his brain barely registering anything as he slips into his awaiting dreams.

 

“ _I'll fight to be with you too.”_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Baekhyun wakes up in the same nightmare over and over again, but this time, it's worse.

 

Kyungsoo isn't next to him.

 

For a few seconds, before Baekhyun properly gets up, he lays in bed. He blinks the sleepiness away, widening his eyes with every single blink. He pinches himself, a habit he could never get rid of, to check the reality. Baekhyun feels the overwhelming pain creeping onto his heart, and he struggles to fight it off.

 

Baekhyun runs a hand through his messy locks, tugging on the strands to ease the migraine coming on. His lips are still tingling from last night, his body longing for the warmth again. He is always stripped away from the warmth, the happiness, the home that he has made for himself in Kyungsoo.

 

Baekhyun slips out of bed, the breeze of the early morning hitting him in the face. He grumbles, making his way to the bathroom, rubbing at his collarbones peeking out of the shirt.

 

Before anything, Baekhyun hears it first; the cock of the gun, deafeningly loud in the silence of an early morning. Being in the military, being part of the M.A., has gained him the basic knowledge of how a common handgun sounds like, when a bullet is inserted. Baekhyun pauses before the bathroom, his figure growing rigid and tense from the sound, and contemplates on running away or facing the stranger.

 

“I know you're awake,” a familiar voice speaks, but it's muffled through the door, not loud enough for Baekhyun to decipher who it is.

 

Baekhyun lingers at the entrance, pondering on the possibilities that could happen. He lets the light wake in him, surging through his veins. He is too exhausted to pull off an illusion, so he has to make do with a light beam, similarly to the one burnt into the curtains in Junmyeon's office. His mind is whirling, feet ready to take off at the next sound.

 

He opens the door to the bathroom cautiously, taking treading steps on tiled floors. Soon, he is faced with the back of someone familiar, freshly dressed in dark clothes. Baekhyun's heart hammers loudly against his ribcage, a sense of dread filling his being at the guess his mind has made. His feet is moving backwards, backing towards the door again.

 

It's Kyungsoo.

 

Undoubtedly, he turns and reveals himself as Kyungsoo, just like Baekhyun feared. He holds the handgun in his right hand, finger hooked on the trigger. His expression is unreadable, devoid of any emotion.

 

Baekhyun has never seen those emotionless eyes before, he almost can't recognise Kyungsoo. It's a whole different person in front of him, crippling fear into Baekhyun's veins. The handgun hangs leisurely in Kyungsoo's grip and Baekhyun is afraid of the time where he would aim the gun at him, firing a bullet through his heart.

 

“'Soo,” Baekhyun eyes the gun in Kyungsoo's grip nervously. “What are you doing with that gun?”

 

“Did I ...ever tell you how I joined EXO?”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head immediately, a hand grasping the bathroom door knob whilst the other hand is glowing lowly. The light swirls in the palm of his hand and he thinks of the least vital parts on a body to hit Kyungsoo if he did fire the bullet.

 

But Baekhyun has faith that Kyungsoo wouldn't. Not after what he said last night. Not after what they have been through.

 

“Junmyeon sought me out,” Kyungsoo continues in that calm tone of his, sauntering over to Baekhyun. “He told me that he _needed_ someone like me in EXO.”

 

Baekhyun flinches back, but there is no more space, when Kyungsoo leans in close to whisper, “Sounds familiar, B?”

 

Baekhyun revolts from Kyungsoo, his head replaying everything the leader had said to him, with a hopeful, friendly smile. _“We need you,”_ Junmyeon had said in a drunk slur, his eyes too bright from the poison of the alcohol, his voice bordering on desperation. _“I need you.”_

 

“What are you trying to say?” Baekhyun asks quietly, timid in the eyes of a gun in Kyungsoo's grip.

 

Suddenly, Kyungsoo is too close to him, a sense of deja vu filling Baekhyun's head at the way Kyungsoo is holding his face close to his in resemblance to last night. Baekhyun almost made the mistake of leaning into his touch, but when his sight of the handgun hanging limply in Kyungsoo's grip reminds him of the danger he is possibly in, he goes rigid. Baekhyun is sure the light in his palm is glowing brighter than before.

 

Kyungsoo lifts the other hand, dragging the gun down Baekhyun's face, its metallic frame digging harshly into Baekhyun's skin. It makes Baekhyun hiss from the pain, the discomfort it brings. His heart is pounding harder, afraid, afraid, afraid. Baekhyun tries to stare into Kyungsoo's eyes, hoping the plea to live is seen in his eyes.

 

Baekhyun faintly wonders if this is how all his victims look, down on their knees, eyes hopeful and desperate for a second chance at life.

 

It's karma for all the souls he had stolen, Baekhyun thinks as Kyungsoo traces his face with the gun, pressing it into his skin too harshly.

 

_No, Kyungsoo wouldn't._

 

Would he?

 

Just as Baekhyun started questioning Kyungsoo inwardly, the boy drops his other hand to the circle of his throat, wrapping his fingers around Baekhyun's neck. The pads of Kyungsoo's fingers are suffocating on his skin, clammy and too hot. Baekhyun winces at the squeeze, Kyungsoo's grip is becoming tighter and tighter.

 

“What the fuck are you doing?” Baekhyun cries out, croaking on the last syllable. His hands roam Kyungsoo's chest, clutching on the dark fabric, hoping to stop him. “Why are you doing _this_?”

 

A fusion of perplexity and hurt fills Baekhyun's senses as he struggles to breathe through the tight grip Kyungsoo has on his throat. This is not how he is supposed to die, not at the hands of someone he trusts with his life. He was supposed to die on the battlefield, where his death could be accounted for.

 

“They once thought I was the one to bring destruction upon the world,” Kyungsoo says with nostalgia edged in his voice, ignoring Baekhyun's struggles. “Until they realise that I merely destroy earth and decorate the ground with cracks.”

 

There's a hiccup, and Kyungsoo ignores him. He continues, tightening his grip on Baekhyun's throat, eyes blazing, “Until they found _you_ , Baekhyun.”

 

The words ring through Baekhyun's ears and he can't fathom when he's on the edge of asphyxiation.

 

 _The one to bring destruction upon the world,_ _the lone destructor, the monster._

 

“Kill me,” Baekhyun gasps out. There's barely any air left in his system. Beads of sweat run down his temples, his heart is about to break from the pounding in his ribcage, “You are going to kill me.”

 

Out of a sudden, Kyungsoo's hand leaves Baekhyun's throat, making the latter choke on air. Baekhyun is panting, taking in short breaths, trying to inhale air into his suffocating lungs. Baekhyun doubles over from the asphyxiation, he could still feel Kyungsoo's fingers on his throat and he closes his eyes trying to get rid of the feeling, the dizziness swirling in his head. There are tears welling up in his eyes from the pain, the glow of his palm is dimming from the choke hold.

 

“Get up,” Baekhyun hears Kyungsoo commands in a condescending tone, a blunt knife piercing through Baekhyun's guts.

 

Baekhyun struggles to straighten up, feeling the blood rush to his head as he does so. He faces Kyungsoo, shock waves rippling through his chest at the way Kyungsoo is holding him at gunpoint. Kyungsoo's hand is steady, unwavering, his eyes focused on Baekhyun with an emotionless edge that cuts Baekhyun open.

 

His mouth falls open, whimpers leaving his lips. “Why?” Baekhyun repeats, blinking the tears, they drip onto his cheeks at the merciless look on Kyungsoo's face. _“Why are you doing this?”_

 

“Monster,” Kyungsoo suddenly blurts out in answer to Baekhyun's question. His eyes harden, hand gripping the gun even tighter. He spits out, “You are a monster.”

 

Baekhyun stumbles back from the hit of Kyungsoo's words, affronted. The hurt overwhelms his senses, he stares at Kyungsoo wide-eyed. The gash is bleeding, as Kyungsoo's words plunge in another knife into the wound.

 

“Is that what you really think?” Baekhyun whispers, he is too exhausted, too pained to speak in a proper pitch. The tears continue to stream down his face, trickling past his chin. “Is that what I am?”

 

Baekhyun watches, vision blurred from the tears, as Kyungsoo ruffles his hair in clear frustration. Baekhyun's hands are trembling now, the light dimming on and off in both of his palms. His faith in Kyungsoo is wavering, pieces of it torn by the poisonous words spitting out of Kyungsoo's lips. Kyungsoo continues to stare back at him, gun still pointed at Baekhyun, a firm stance.

 

“You know what you are,” Kyungsoo says, cold and eyes brooding. “You know what you can do.”

 

“No, I don't,” Baekhyun breathes out in response. He regains strength in his feet and moves forward, facing Kyungsoo even closer now, with the muzzle of the gun barely touching him square in the chest. “I know what I was. I was a Saviour, I was _yours_ and I was happy.”

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath of bravery, hands lifting to hold onto the gun as well. He grips on the barrel, hands atop of Kyungsoo's. He tries to lessen the tremble in his hands, focusing on the light in himself to gain strength. Baekhyun pushes the muzzle even more, rubbing against his chest. There is a trace of shock in Kyungsoo's eyes at Baekhyun's sudden movements.

 

“I know that I can press the trigger for you,” Baekhyun's finger leisurely lingers over the trigger, his voice steady, eyes sharpened. “If that's what you want, 'Soo.”

 

Baekhyun steps back, directing the gun towards the most vital part of his body; the heart, Kyungsoo's hands following Baekhyun's. If either of them pulls the trigger, Baekhyun would be shot and dead in mere seconds.

 

Fear is still lingering in his gut, but Baekhyun believes that if he is the monster, he is better off dead. The light that was once bright, can be cast out in the darkness.

 

“Say it, 'Soo,” Baekhyun presses on, hearing the throbbing of his heart in his ears all too loudly.

Kyungsoo's eyes soften but the coldness return in a split second and he speaks, quietly but purposeful, holding the power to shatter Baekhyun's heart into pieces.

 

“ _Shoot.”_

 

Baekhyun doesn't waver, doesn't let it stop him. He had his faith torn away, and instead, he is faced with the true Kyungsoo. The truth lies in front of him right now, and he can't back away. He can't run any further. There is no use of escape anymore.

 

Baekhyun closes his eyes, breathing in the pungent smell of the bathroom and the cologne off Kyungsoo's clothes. He thinks of the Saviours, Sehun somewhere in the basement, locked up, the night before with the members of EXO, Junmyeon's convincing words.

 

He thinks of the Kyungsoo he knows, the one staying by his side through the pain, the one who made him hot and cold all over at the same time, the one with the soft lips and the doe-eyed gaze heavy with emotions directed at Baekhyun. The one standing in front of him right now with the power to kill Baekhyun in his hands with a single bullet aimed directly at his heart.

 

The one Baekhyun trusted.

 

He thinks of all the warnings, the sins his hands are tainted with, the dark figure in Seungwan's dream.

 

_Monster, lone destructor, the one to bring destruction upon the world._

 

“Thank you,” Baekhyun whispers, with his eyes closed. He feels a single tear streaming down his face, wetting his cheeks. The vision behind his eyes is filled with Kyungsoo's face, the one light that Baekhyun always latches on, drawing strength and warmth from. “Thank you for showing me your true colours at the last second.”

 

Baekhyun pulls the trigger.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

He dives into the ocean, body sinking like an anchor, getting sucked in by the current. His instincts tell him to swim, kick at his feet, paddle his way to the clearing. Yet, his arms hang limply, his feet lose the motion, the amnesia kicks in. It's a suffocating nightmare, as he wishes to gasp for a breath of air, but he is sinking down and deeper into the depths of the ocean.

 

Then, there's the sudden jolt, air rushing into his lungs. A light breathing into his core, flowing through his veins, awakening his senses.

 

“Baekhyunnie,” he hears, a light shake of his shoulders. The voice grows persistent, “Baekhyunnie, wake up.”

 

Baekhyun wakes up and he's not drowning anymore.

 

His eyes open to see a white ceiling. They pan downwards, around the room to see lilac walls and various flowers painted onto the walls like a little garden. Baekhyun inhales deeply, feeling his chest heave up and down, relieved. He moves to sit up properly in his bed, eyes drifting to his left side, noticing a small-framed woman, her eyes looking upon him with great concern.

 

“Mama?” the word flies out of his mouth, he is shocked by the familiarity.

 

His mother lets go of a relieved sigh, her hand reaching out to push back his bangs, patting his head. Her eyes are fond, caring and Baekhyun can't stop staring into them, a sense of warmth fills his being. He looks properly at his mother, notices the resemblances he sees in the mirror. She has the same shaped mouth, the same droopy eyes that he has.

 

“Baekhyunnie, listen closely,” his mother speaks softly. She proceeds to sit at the edge of the bed, by his side, and holds his hand tightly in both of her much more frail-looking hands. “You don't have to say anything if they asked about your brother.”

 

Confused, he blurts, “Hyung?”

 

His mother nods, another sigh slipping her lips but out of exhaustion, “The police...found Baekbeom's body in the woods behind.”

 

He draws his hand away, fear creeping onto his heart and mind. Baekhyun shakes his head profusely, feeling tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, “Mama, I don't want to go to jail.”

 

His mother's eyes soften and she leans forward to embrace him, her hands rubbing his back in slow patterns. Baekhyun feels his heart break from the immense fear rippling through him but the impact is cushioned by the warmth that radiates off his mother, the embracing arms she has him in. He tries to prevent the tears from falling, but it trickles down, dripping onto his mother's blouse.

 

“You're not going to jail, Baekhyunnie,” she says in a soothing voice, rocking him back and forth. She kisses his temples, pushing back the sweaty bangs back continuously. “You're going to stay here. With me.”

 

“They'll find out,” Baekhyun cries out, his voice trembling on the syllables. His nose is dived into her shoulders, and he is taking shaky breaths, smelling the roses on his mother's skin. “They'll find out that I'm a freak.”

 

His mother suddenly pulls away from the embrace, holding him at an arm's length. “You're not a freak,” his mother says a little sternly now, eyes intensely gazing into Baekhyun's misty ones. “You are my son.”

 

Baekhyun lets out a sob, his lips pouting and he nods, obediently. “Yes, I'm your son, mama.”

 

A smile spreads wide on her face and she pulls him in again for a hug, rubbing his back, making his chest breath easier. He closes his eyes into her embrace, the warmth enveloping him in a comfortable blanket. Baekhyun feels himself drifting and drifting.

 

Baekhyun awakes again, but this time, from a loud knocking. It turns into screaming, a bang against the door that could almost break through, a few threats. Then, it drifts into silence.

 

Suddenly, it bangs into his head, brooding at the corners of his mind, ringing in his ears. He opens his eyes once again, and it's his mother barging into the living room. Her eyes are widened in panic, fingers fidgety with a backpack in her hold. Baekhyun gets to his feet, looking around in a daze. He looks down and sees that he is clad in his school uniform, fresh out of school on a weekday.

 

“Baekhyun,” she whispers loudly and he can barely fathom anything. His mother pushes the backpack towards him, keeps glancing back to the door, “If you're quick, you can still run.”

 

Baekhyun stares at the backpack in his hands and shakes his head, “Mama, I don't understand.”

 

She ignores him, pushing him to the back door. Another loud round of knocking ensues on the front entrance and Baekhyun looks back, trying to see past the windows but his mother pushes him forward forcefully, not letting him take a peek.

 

“Are they here?” Baekhyun asks, eyes widening in realisation. He looks down at his mother, hair up in a messy bun, dressed in a night gown. He shakes off her grip on his shoulders, his fingers wrapping around the circle of her bony wrist, tugging on it. “I can't leave you here alone!”

 

His mother's eyes are sad, wide and misty, “You have to, Baekhyunnie. I'd rather save you than myself.”

 

Baekhyun shakes his head, he has always been a stubborn kid, fond of his mother. He can't leave her all alone in the big house, answering for his own committed sin and the mystery of his brother's death. It's his fault, Baekhyun thinks. If he hadn't been born, this wouldn't happen.

 

Tears brim at the corner of his eyes and he breathes in noisily through his nostrils. The knocking goes on in the background and he really should be running but he can't. Not when he could see the huge scar on her cheek, the bruises barely hidden by the sleeves of her dress, the tears welling up in her eyes. She's his mother, and he is responsible for protecting her.

 

He is her light, her one and only light.

 

“Mama, come with me,” Baekhyun continues to tug on his mother's wrist, stubbornly insisting. “I don't want to leave you all alone.”

 

His mother hiccups, a single tear streaming down her cheek. She lifts her hand, unoccupied by Baekhyun's tight grip, to reach for his face. He has grown so much since high school started and he shot up a few inches taller than his mother. She rubs her thumb against his slightly chubby cheeks with fondness and sadness laced in her gaze.

 

“You're my light, Baekhyunnie,” she sniffs, clearing her throat to speak properly. “You deserve to shine in this world.”

 

“But mama, I'm nothing without you.”

 

She continues to stroke his cheeks, “You will be the light the world needs.” His mother looks into his eyes, a smile of melancholy formed on her lips. “I know it.”

 

“ _Open the door, Mrs. Byun!”_ a voice bellows outside, even louder banging ensues. “I know you and your son are in there.”

 

They both look at each other, a moment passes where the panic rises in Baekhyun and he realises that he has to go, he has to...

 

“ _Run_ ,” his mother whispers to him, eyes even wider than before, pleading.

 

And he grabs the backpack from her, hugging her tightly at the last second, presses the last kiss to her cheek. He wipes at her tears and says, “I love you, mama. I'm sorry.”

 

The tears drip down to his cheeks as he bursts out of the back door, making a run for the woods. It all goes in slow motion as he trips over a thin string held tightly by two officers and Baekhyun's tumbling forward, knees hitting the ground first, his hands scrapping against the rough surface.

 

He could hear his mother screaming behind him, shouting at him to get up and run, shouting words that Baekhyun can't register in his head. His cheek is against the ground and he can taste the blood on his tongue, the metallic taste filling his senses.

 

Baekhyun obeys, getting to his feet, trying to run forward again, but his head is so dizzy from the fall. He suddenly can't recall how it is like to run. He keeps stumbling on his feet, the blood trickling down the corner of his mouth.

 

“ _Stop running, you're under arrest for murder!”_

 

An officer seizes him by the arms, pulling him back into their grasp. Baekhyun groans, crying out to be let go, but the grip on his arms is too strong and the blood is still trickling down, staining his school shirt. Baekhyun can't think, his head is throbbing from everything in the moment. He hears his mother's cries far in the distance and he is afraid to look back to see the fear on her tear-stricken face, mirroring his.

 

“Hyung!” Baekhyun bawls, his arms being pinned behind him. His brother's face floats into his mind, the last breath before the light is out. _“I'm sorry.”_

 

Baekhyun keeps struggling and struggling, and he feels himself being pulled under.

 

He faintly hears his mother's voice, broken by the sobs wrecking through her body, _“You can't take my light away, you can't...”_

 

“You will be safe,” Baekhyun hears another voice instead, before he feels someone trapping his wrist in a tight grip. He can't see anything past the smoke, it's hurting his eyes, making him choke on air.

 

Weak, his light is dimming further. There is no strength left in his legs, his knees wobbling. He tries to open his eyes again and notices the darkness, the looming trees, the leftover fiery flames. He's in Hiroshima, and he can't find any of the Saviours. The memory of his first field mission comes back to haunt him where he lost his way too, wandering around and seeing something that he shouldn't.

 

This time, it's different. A fire separated him from the rest and he is running around, searching for a familiar face, a way to get back to the headquarters. The Circle is burnt, ashes scattering the area. Baekhyun has no way of getting back. The smoke doesn't help and he hears torturous screaming, his heart aching and pained. His hands hang limply by his sides, useless.

Baekhyun remembers Seungwan somewhere out there with the rest of the Saviours, lost in the smoke. Baekhyun remembers losing Sehun right when the flames covered the ground in its rising orange and red hues. Baekhyun remembers the screams echoing in the air, his own screams joining the rest.

 

Baekhyun can feel his palm burning up, and he looks down to see it scalded. Red, raw and bubbling flesh on his palm, burnt by the flames. It barely hurts, nothing hurts as much as the wound on his head. Baekhyun had somehow hit his head while falling down, and he inhaled the dust, stinging his vision.

 

Everything hurts but he feels numb, dizzy and there is no light for him to draw power from.

 

“Stay close to me,” the voice speaks up again, the grip is still tight on his wrist, unwavering.

 

Baekhyun swivels his head around, trying to find the source of the voice. The smoke clears a bit and he sees a young boy, pink haired with concern in his dark irises. He parts his lips to ask a question regarding the boy's identity but suddenly, the boy seizes him in a tight hold.

 

“Close your eyes,” the boy says in a commanding tone. Baekhyun hesitates, before obeying. His nerves are running high, afraid. The boy's hold grows tighter. “Don't let go.”

 

He doesn't let go, thus, he gets pulled under, pushed back to the start.

 

It's the ocean again and this time, Baekhyun tries to swim, flailing his arms around and kicking at his feet. The current still pulls him under, and the sunlight seems to be so far away when he is this deep in the ocean. He outstretches his hand, reaching for the orb of light, and closes his eyes, breathing out in air bubbles.

 

Baekhyun seizes the sun.

 

It burns through his veins, coursing through his body. The heat sets his insides on fire and his eyes fly open, widened. He is inhaling the water, but it doesn't drown his lungs. Instead, he feels the light at his core growing and growing. Baekhyun is feeding off the sun, gaining strength, setting flames to his heart.

 

Baekhyun lets go of the sun and he drifts further into the waters. And he thinks of the scar on his mother's cheek, he thinks of his brother's motionless body decomposing in the woods, he thinks of the trickling blood on his scraped knees, palms and temples, he thinks of the flames catching onto the Saviours, drowning them in the burning heat.

 

Baekhyun thinks of the light in him, the constant and the destructor.

 

He reaches out for it.

 

And awakens again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The pain is merciless.

 

It starts as a tiny flame in the pit of his stomach but with every breath he inhales, it grows and grows relentlessly, unstoppable. Soon, it becomes a full fledged fire within himself, snatching every breath from him, feeding chemicals to the orange hues.

Baekhyun's back arches and he wants to tear every single strand of his hair out. It is consuming him. He is about to die at the hands of the fiery pit.

 

Then, all of a sudden, it soothes into a numbing pain. A pain that he barely notices yet, it throbs into the back of his head like a reminder.

 

Baekhyun's eyes flutter open, blinking against the glare of the light above him. The coldness seeps into his toes, spreading throughout his body. His throat feels dry, coated in ashes. He coughs out a few times, unable to get the taste of the smoke off his tongue. It hurts to breathe, his chest is barely moving. Every inhale feels like a sharp pain plunged into his flesh.

 

He hears a sigh of relief next to him and he turns slowly to see Yixing looking worn out, his hands aglow in silvery hues. Baekhyun stares, fascinated, as the thought processes that Yixing healed him with his powers.

 

"How are you feeling?" Yixing asks, all breathy and panting. There are beads of perspiration dotting his temples, and he uses the back of his hand to wipe it off.

 

Baekhyun whispers, "Pain."

 

Yixing nods, "I figured."

 

The glow in Yixing's hands grow brighter as he taps a finger against Baekhyun's head. Instantly, the pain subsides into numbness. The pain is merely pushed to the back of his head, throbbing lesser than earlier. The sharp pain in his chest, however, is still there and Baekhyun is careful with his breathing and movement. It hurts to take a deep breath, so he takes little gasps of air.

 

“ Don't move much, the stitches will take time to heal,. It'll take effect in a few hours time,” Yixing informs him, wiping his hands off the front of his pants. “Usually a bullet that small wouldn't need any stitches but you shot at such a close proximity so the impact is greater.”

 

Yixing finally looks at him, head tilting, eyes concerned, “Why did you do that for, Baek?”

 

Baekhyun doesn't answer, merely turns his gaze away and stares straight ahead. Too many memories are flooding his head at the moment, blocking out Kyungsoo. And he remembers.

 

He remembers everything.

 

Baekhyun can remember his earliest memory at the age of three, where he is playing with an elephant plush toy before stuffing his mouth with the foot of the elephant, coating it in saliva. He remembers his first day at kindergarten, the crying fit he was in, refusing to take step out of his mother's arms. He remembers his brother, just a bit taller than he is, with his fists curled up and the fury that resides in him. He remembers all the blue black bruises on his mother's skin, the smile that she covers it up with, the lies she prepared on the tip of her tongue to protect her older son.

 

Baekhyun remembers a life before M.A.

 

He can still hear his mother's voice faintly in his head and there is a nostalgia living in him, a yearning to meet his mother. Baekhyun feels the emptiness in him gravely, the missing piece he has lost and all this time, it's the woman who birthed him. He was taken away from her and placed in the government's hands.

 

Baekhyun feels the rising urge to join the rebellion but on the other hand, a part of him aches to leave all of this alone and goes on a hunt for his mother.

 

He wonders if she's alive and well.

 

Baekhyun doesn't realise that a tear is flowing down his cheek until Yixing wipes it away with a quick swipe of his thumb on his skin. Then, he feels his eyes filling up with tears, misty and threatening to fall.

 

His hand clutches onto Yixing's wrist, eyes pleading, “Why do I remember?”

 

Yixing goes rigid in Baekhyun's grip, his gaze averting to a spot behind Baekhyun. A few beats of silence pass by, as Baekhyun's fingernails dig into Yixing's skin and the latter doesn't say a thing, or even move an inch away.

 

Baekhyun presses on, “ Why?”

 

A sigh, “I healed your amnesia fully.”

 

As Baekhyun takes that bit of information in, Yixing slowly pries Baekhyun's fingers off his wrist and pats him lightly on the arm, “Jongin wants to talk to you, is that okay?”

 

Baekhyun glances upwards, doing a slow nod. Yixing smiles down at him, before ruffling his hair and calling out for Jongin to come in. Baekhyun, then, notices the interior of the room and the clean white walls surrounding him along with the heart monitor recording his rate and the bedside table filled with a few bottles of pills, a glass of water and a magazine Baekhyun doesn't recognise.

 

Jongin treads into the room, holding a single daisy. He throws a smile in Yixing's direction, his hand reaching out to hold Yixing's hand and squeezing their palms together before Yixing pulls away from Jongin. Baekhyun witnesses the moment through tear brimming eyes, barely fathoming anything.

 

“Hi,” Jongin greets with a wave and a timid smile. He descends into a seat next to the bed, placing the flower by Baekhyun's head on the pillow. He clasps his hands together and smiles wider, “How are you feeling, hyung?”

 

“I wish everyone could stop asking me that,” Baekhyun frankly whispers and Jongin glances at him, his smile faltering.

 

Baekhyun continues, tears slowly forming in his eyes, “I remember everything, Jongin. Every single thing in my life now.” There is a look of panic on Jongin's features but it's gone once Baekhyun blinks against the waterfall. “I don't know what to do.”

 

Jongin lays his hands atop of Baekhyun's, rubbing comfort and warmth into Baekhyun's system. A look of worry crosses his face, “Do you remember your mother?”

 

Baekhyun nods, “I remember killing my brother too.”

 

A sigh escapes out of Jongin's lips, averting his gaze, “I met your mother before.”

 

Baekhyun's eyes widen, shocked, but Jongin continues, exhaling, “Junmyeon hyung has an obsession with you ever since he heard about the mystery of a light conjurer in Bucheon.”

 

Baekhyun's mind flashes back to the first time he discovered the light glowing in the palm of his hand. The fear disintegrates into something akin to curiosity, bubbling in his eight year old self. He had kept it from his mother until he accidentally fixed the bulb in the living room.

 

His mother was far from horrified.

 

“We've had encounters with normal light conjurers but not someone who can take the _light_ out of someone. Junmyeon hyung wanted to meet you, he _wanted_ you. Thus, he made me travel forward in time, to alter something.”

 

“By then, you were already in jail, biding your time. I teleported to the M.A. meeting where they considered your fate and your mother was there, hyung. She was listening quietly the entire time. I've never seen someone so scared in their life, scared of losing _you._ ”

 

His mother's face floats into Baekhyun's rear of vision, the tears staining her cheeks and the resonance of her screams when he was taken away from her.

 

“I approached her, I wanted to comfort her but she …shoved me away, caused an uproar after seeing my disguised name tag and threatened to...” Jongin pauses out of a sudden, nibbling on his bottom lip, clearly uncertain whether he should go on.

 

Baekhyun prompts, “What did my mother do?”

 

Jongin looks up at Baekhyun, looking apologetic, “She threatened to kill herself if they don't give you back.”

 

Baekhyun's heart stills for a full second.

 

“The officials didn't listen to her, cast her off as a mad woman and went on with the meeting,” Jongin continues, shaking his head. “Eventually, your mother was dragged out and I couldn't find her afterwards. I'm sorry, hyung.”

 

Jongin is staring intently into Baekhyun's eyes, he could see the sympathy swimming in Jongin's dark irises. Baekhyun tries to imagine his mother looking helpless and worn out at a meeting, discussing his fate. He can't help but feel afraid, wondering about his mother who might not even be out there at all.

 

Where does that leave Baekhyun? Homeless? An orphan?

 

“What did you alter?” Baekhyun asks, blinking against the tears, trying to distract his mind from his only family, his past.

 

Jongin fidgets with Baekhyun's fingers, “I didn't alter anything, it was more of Yixing hyung.”

 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, making Jongin sigh once more, “We visited you in the cell and he took your memories away. When the officials questioned you, they ruled it out as amnesia due to the trauma you went through and sent you to M.A. for military training.”

 

Baekhyun's eyes grow bigger, he parts his lips, speechless for a few seconds. As the words sink in, he slowly speaks, “So... you are saying my amnesia was caused by Yixing hyung?”

 

Jongin's features turn sympathetic again, “Junmyeon hyung wanted you to forget your past, to be reborn new at M.A. and receive training. He knew that eventually, your path will bump into EXO and you'd be part of us.”

 

“Is this why I'm brought here from Kyungsoo's?” Baekhyun narrows his eyes at Jongin questioningly.

 

Jongin freezes and Baekhyun adds, prompting, his voice bordering on a breaking edge, “Was my life just a game to all of you?”

 

The younger shakes his head profusely, panic seen in his irises, “Hyung, no. I care about you, Kyungsoo hyung cares about you a lot.” Jongin slumps forward, the ends of his lips further turning downwards. He looks around before whispering, “But this is dangerous.”

 

“I saw you,” Baekhyun says, replaying the memory of the incident on the last mission he had as a Saviour. “You saved me from the fire during the M.A. mission. It was just part of the plan, wasn't it?”

 

Jongin tenses further. Baekhyun watches the way Jongin bites on his bottom lip in nervousness. The younger boy suddenly gets up, looking around, seemingly checking for any eavesdropper. Jongin ventures out of the room, and Baekhyun cranes his head, looking for the younger. Out of the sudden, he teleports to Baekhyun's side immediately, hovering over Baekhyun with his chest heaving.

 

The younger settles down on the space in Baekhyun's bed and whispers, “The fire at the mission was caused by Chanyeol hyung.” At Baekhyun's loud intake of air, Jongin shushes him. “It was to capture Saviours and I was there to save you from being captive.”

 

Jongin smiles sadly, “You were supposed to be hidden away from Junmyeon hyung.”

 

His words wreck Baekhyun's mind and the throbbing returns, driving him insane. _Hidden away..._ The way Kyungsoo hid the truth from him, stayed through the sleepless nights by his side. The mundane life that Baekhyun found himself in, weeks of not using his powers at all and lying to everyone through gritted teeth.

 

“What do you mean?” Baekhyun pinches his eyebrows together in perplexity.

 

“We don't know what Junmyeon hyung is planning but it's not... going to be a good thing,” Jongin makes a face, disgruntled.

 

“How do you know?”

 

Jongin purses his lips, “It didn't go well when Kyungsoo hyung was used as his weapon, hyung. We don't want that to be a repeat for you.”

 

The crease eases on his forehead and Baekhyun questions, “Is that why he tried to shoot me?”

 

Jongin nods, sadness ebbing away at the corners of his mouth, “We were planning to fake your death and save you from what's to come.”

 

Baekhyun thinks of the firm grip Kyungsoo had on the gun, the emptiness in his wide-eyed gaze, his rigid stance. The words Kyungsoo had said to shatter Baekhyun's heart further, the cold expression freezing Baekhyun over mercilessly. The realisation that it was all a too-believing act on Kyungsoo's end washes over Baekhyun.

 

Relief grows from a little bud in the pit of Baekhyun's heart.

 

“If you're so against Junmyeon,” Baekhyun starts, questioning. “Why are you part of it?”

 

Jongin looks taken aback by the sudden inquiring question, but it fades into a gentle, sad smile on his lips, “I can't get out of it. Junmyeon has something over my head.”

 

Baekhyun briefly wonders if Jongin has a family to protect, an identity to withhold, something adamantly important to the younger that he can't do what he wants to freely.

 

“But you _can_ , hyung,” Jongin presses on, stubbornly, eyes looking even more worried.

 

“It's not a decision you can make, Jongin,” Baekhyun shakes his head softly at the younger. “I want to help the leader with the rebellion. It's _my_ choice.”

 

Silence seeps into the atmosphere right after Baekhyun's words are spoken out loud. He stubbornly stands by his decision, unwilling to back down. Images of the Saviours pass by his rear vision, reminding him of what he's fighting for. It's time for him to let go of fear, it has been unbecoming of Baekhyun lately and he's frankly exhausted of being afraid.

 

His hands have been tainted with blood from the very beginning. There's no use stopping now, there's no need to take hesitant steps anymore. Baekhyun has learnt enough from his past to not repeat his mistakes.

 

“You don't have to save us, hyung,” Jongin whispers softly, reminiscent of Kyungsoo's words from before. “You don't have to do anything for us.”

 

There are cracks on Baekhyun's lips, he could feel the split of them when the corners of his lips tug upwards in an attempt of a smile. He cocks his head sideways at the younger, “Then, who will?”

 

Jongin's stare is scrutinising, piercing through Baekhyun's skin. He gets up from his seat suddenly, breaking the gaze. His hand reaches out to fix the blankets on Baekhyun, lips sealed in a thin line. Baekhyun watches as the younger pads away from the bed, without a single glance or goodbye at him.

 

“Just don't regret it,” Jongin reprimands, his voice echoing off the walls and ringing in Baekhyun's ears. He is still not looking back at Baekhyun. “It'd be too late by then.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Do you think I'm making a mistake?” the question slips out of Baekhyun's lips, as his eyes gaze ahead at the ceiling above.

 

He feels Yixing's hands falter in the midst of checking the bullet wound in his chest but it's only for a second before his hands start working again at the buttons, prying the shirt open. Yixing doesn't answer at first, he merely does his work, thumb flicking against the pain and making Baekhyun bite down on his lip.

 

“It doesn't matter what I think,” Yixing replies monotonously.

 

A silvery light bathing the tips of his fingers in a soft glow. He holds his hands over Baekhyun's bullet wound and Baekhyun can feel something trickling his skin, spreading a sense of warmth throughout his body, through his limbs and arms, rising to his neck. It stays, as a comfortable presence.

 

“But if you want to know,” Yixing starts, glancing at Baekhyun as he does so with a wistful look in his eyes. “I think that you can do anything you want. It _is_ within your power.”

 

The glow fades from his fingers and Yixing backs away from the bed with a huff of exhaustion. He ruffles his bangs, then, stretching his hands outwardly. Baekhyun ponders on Yixing's words, as a sudden ping alerts both of them.

 

Yixing's eyes widen in shock at first, then as he pulls out a small device from his shirt pocket, Baekhyun notices a look of exasperation on his features. He looks up, catching Baekhyun's concerned eyes and waving at him in goodbye. Before he leaves the room, Yixing reminds him to drink water and to not overexert himself too much whilst resting.

 

Baekhyun lays awake, eyes blinking against the brightness of the ceiling lights. He has been slipping in and out of consciousness, unable to stay asleep long enough. His mind is buzzing with everything he has come to know in the past few hours. The memories of his mother stream through his mind, blocking his vision and overwhelming his heart with nostalgia.

 

There are things he still yearns for. His hands are reaching out to the nothingness and he grabs onto dust, stilling his heart from screaming out like a little child being torn away from everything he holds dear. Years have passed, Baekhyun is older, wisdom and maturity are due.

 

Yet, Baekhyun still feels the missing piece of his heart, harshly torn away when his hands were cuffed and his eyes met blackness, knees stained with grass blades and blood. His mother screamed from a distance away, and never to be seen again. Another small piece is gone when the fire rose, engulfing everything Baekhyun had held on in flames. The missing Saviours that he couldn't save.

 

Baekhyun slowly sits up in the bed, feeling his bones crack under pressure. He rolls his shoulders back and moves his neck around. Blankets thrown back, his feet meet the chill of the marble floor, momentarily freezing his skin. Baekhyun toughens himself and pushes himself forward to move on his two feet. His chest feels constricted, less pained than before but still causing him breathing difficulties.

 

He totters towards the door, with an aim in mind to meander around the mansion, getting fresh air instead of breathing in the pungent scent of the room. Baekhyun slips on bedroom slippers poised by the door and turns the knob, unlocking the door. He's greeted by a guard right outside of the door, alert and dubious. Baekhyun bows politely, smiling gently at the guard, while the latter merely stares at him, unflinching.

 

“I'm just going to the basement,” Baekhyun lies through his teeth. The guard nods at him before turning away, uninterested.

 

Baekhyun continues to shuffle along the corridors, trying to keep his steps soundless as possible. As he predicted, it's nightfall and he suspects most of them are asleep. Baekhyun steps into the elevator, pressing a button subconsciously. Kyungsoo comes to mind and he wonders about the boy, wonders about the aftermath of Baekhyun pulling the trigger. Did Junmyeon blame it on Kyungsoo? Is he eradicated?

 

Is Junmyeon aware of Kyungsoo's intentions?

 

Baekhyun didn't realise he had been heading towards the basement before the doors part and he is faced with the darkened path leading towards the depth of the cells, where Sehun is. With the last encounter in mind, Baekhyun presses onto another level, repressing the gloomy feelings down. The elevator ascends and Baekhyun lets out the breath he had been holding in. He doesn't want to be reminded by his loss when he sees Sehun, the things he left behind, the life he once knew, the place he was forced into.

 

He steps out on the first level, beginning to meander around the area. Baekhyun's eyes notice the gold and white interior of the mansion, still bright in the absence of lights. Wandering past the dinner hall, flashbacks of the night he spent with members of EXO slip into his mind. It feels a millennium passed him by after that night, his scars were reopened and well dressed once more.

 

Not even Yixing's powers could heal them for good.

 

His hand comes up, fingers ghosting over the stitches through the shirt. The resonant sound of the gun clicking into place, the bullet shooting out at a fast pace, straight into his chest. Baekhyun scrunches his eyes shut, the loudness of it still ringing in his eardrums, the darkness he expected to overwhelm him.

 

It was the first time Baekhyun lacked the fear in him, his impulsiveness taking stride instead.

 

The light surges in him, the palm of his hands glow under the dimly lit corridor. Baekhyun stares at the light almost accusingly. This is the light everyone seeks for, Baekhyun bitterly thinks, the light that his mother sacrificed herself for.

 

Baekhyun spots someone leaving the kitchen and at a closer proximity, he sees that it's just Minseok with a glass of juice in his hand. He squeezes his hands into fists, drinking in the light again, concealing it. A corner of Minseok's lips tugs upwards in greeting, and Baekhyun loses the tension in his limbs, a smile easing on his lips in response.

 

“Feeling better?” Minseok asks, once he's in front of Baekhyun, his gaze searching over Baekhyun's body for any noticeable wounds.

 

But it's all hidden from view and tied with a smile.

 

Baekhyun nods slowly, “Gradually, I'll get better.” He eyes the glass in Minseok's hand, “Can't sleep?”

 

“Not really,” Minseok takes a sip from his juice, exhaling in satisfaction. He shrugs, “I was planning to head down to the training room and tire myself out.”

 

“You guys train here?” Baekhyun lifts his eyebrows in surprise. He doesn't really know what he expects of a rebellious association against the government, but he never expected them to undergo training as well.

 

Minseok lets out a short laugh, eyes crinkled in amusement, “We train and work on our powers. Less restrictive than your precious M.A. though.”

 

“How would you know?”

 

He hums around the mouth of the glass, “Jongdae tells me and...” Minseok stops short suddenly and retraces his steps, “Yeah, Jongdae tells me things that happen in M.A. sometimes.”

 

A pang hits Baekhyun's heart at the mention of his best friend, reminding him once more that he isn't over the fact that Jongdae was just EXO's spy. He assumes that during breaks, Jongdae returns to this very mansion with anecdotes to fill Junmyeon on about the M.A. and Baekhyun himself. All the things he confided in Jongdae have most likely seen the light of the day, sitting in Junmyeon's head.

 

Minseok senses Baekhyun's discomfort regarding Jongdae and changes the topic with a preposition, “Would you like to come and see the training room?”

 

Baekhyun blinks out of his reverie, he waves Minseok off, “It's okay.”

 

Minseok eyes him carefully, “Kyungsoo's there, probably boxing all his thoughts away.”

 

“Is that so?” Baekhyun laughs whilst his heart begins to pound loudly against his stitched chest, imagining Kyungsoo in a room, fists drawn up to his face.

 

“I know you want to see him,” Minseok says gently, as he backs away from Baekhyun, motioning for him to follow. Baekhyun lets out a loud sigh, and shuffles along, giving in again.

 

Baekhyun follows Minseok through the floor, reaching a dead end. He watches, intrigued, as the elder presses his palm flat against the cobblestoned wall. Something lights up and as Baekhyun inches closer, he sees it's a scanner recognising Minseok's hand print. A door materialises in the wall, pushing outwardly and revealing a secret passageway. Minseok steps into the hole in the wall, turning around with a raised, expectant eyebrow at Baekhyun whom stands in awe, gaping.

 

He steps through the entrance and almost immediately, the door settles into place, blending into the cobblestoned wall behind him. Baekhyun jerks in surprise as the door locks itself with a loud pang in his eardrums. He feels a hand curling around Baekhyun's wrist and he glances upwards, recognising that it's Minseok holding onto him in the utter darkness.

 

His fingers alight with the softest glow, but bright enough to return the vision to their eyes. Baekhyun holds his hand out in front of him, revealing the path ahead of them. A sigh of relief slips past Minseok's lips and his grip on Baekhyun's wrist loosens, before pulling away entirely. Minseok begins to lead Baekhyun through the passageway, continuing to descend through stairs at the end of the path.

 

“What exactly is this place?” Baekhyun questions, eyes flitting over the secretive area hidden away behind a cobblestoned wall in the mansion. “I thought we were going to the training room.”

 

Minseok chuckles, “We are. This is where we operate under secret. Weapons, armoury, whatever gadgets Chanyeol has invented are found here too.”

 

Baekhyun's eyes grow wide in interest, “Is it all just for the rebellion?”

 

“Not really. We are saving it up for the d-day but we do have our means of disrupting various government-handled missions, just to mess with them.”

 

A single flame of anger flares in Baekhyun but he suppresses it, “Is that why you disrupted the M.A. mission in Hiroshima?”

 

Minseok glances at Baekhyun in shock, obviously not expecting the latter to know anything. Baekhyun watches as his Adam apple bobs in nervousness. He tries to shrug it off, “I wasn't there.”

 

Baekhyun lets it drop, averting his attention towards his steps, carefully going down the stairs with his hand gripping the rail. Silence wraps around the two with unease but Baekhyun pays no heed to it, swallowing his anger down and letting his curiosity take over instead.

 

His eyes wander over the hidden basement underneath the mansion. He takes a spin, realising it's shaped as a circle and there are doors to leading to different rooms. Baekhyun can hear faint unknown sounds from various rooms tickling his ears, intrigued to explore. There is a small tinted window on every door, to let insight on the activity inside. Baekhyun could see the darkness in some of the rooms, light bulbs lit up in the others.

 

“I'm going to check something out first,” Minseok pats on Baekhyun's shoulder, informing him. “Stay here alright?”

 

A nod and Minseok smiles before walking away, leaving Baekhyun stranded in the middle of the circle. Baekhyun gapes, walking towards certain rooms before backing away entirely. He rocks on the heels of the bedroom slippers, torn between privacy and curiosity. He figures he could find the training room before Minseok comes back. Just as he starts peeking into a random room, he feels a familiar presence in his head, breathing words heavily.

 

_Oppa?_

 

Baekhyun draws his eyebrows together, spinning around on instinct. There is no one behind him and he hasn't acquainted with any girls in the mansion yet to have someone address him as an oppa. Her voice is soft, breathy and all too reminiscent that bothers Baekhyun. What's stranger is that it's spoken in his head, something he is faintly familiar with but Baekhyun purses his lips, confused.

 

Could Seungwan be here too?

 

_Baekhyun oppa, it's me, Seungwan._

 

His eyes widen, shock registering on his features as he realises that it _is_ her, it is her voice. This time, it's clearer and Baekhyun could pinpoint the hurt in her tone, the pain that she can't hide from him. He grows worried, a crease forming on his forehead.

 

 _Why are you here?_ Baekhyun turns in a full circle, eyes searching for the small-framed redhead. _Where are you?_

 

_Listen carefully, oppa. Listen to your surroundings properly. What do you hear?_

 

Baekhyun narrows his eyes and listens to the faint noise at Seungwan's command. He inches towards his left, where the noise is louder, easier to decipher. As he concentrates, a realisation dawns on him that the sounds are coming from someone. Baekhyun's ears pick up on it, muting everything else out. His heart drops right when he figures it out.

 

_Help me._

 

_Help us._

 

Panic grows in Baekhyun's throat, bile rising, as he tries the doorknob. The whimpers are louder this time, even more pained than a few seconds ago. Baekhyun could hear screams, Seungwan's, as they are both physically and mentally in his head. It ripples through his head, breaking him apart. The doorknob doesn't budge and Baekhyun grows restless, hands trembling even more.

 

_Quickly, oppa! I'm next. Soon, you can't hear me anymore._

 

Baekhyun takes a deep breath, closing his eyes, focusing on the core in him. The light buzzes through his veins, and he urges it to brighten, spreading the energy throughout his limbs. He coaxes the ball of light out of the tightness, strings of the light wrapping his body, pushing adrenaline into his veins. Baekhyun can feel it awakening his senses, and his eyes fly open at the rush he's relishing in.

 

He gives his all and holds a hand out, channelling all of the energy into his palm. The light blares out of his palm, shooting straight against the door frame, burning a huge hole through the wooden frame. Baekhyun pants, the light diminishing just as he slouches over from the burst of energy he put out.

 

Baekhyun steps through the hole, head whipping around the room as he recognises Yixing as one of the people. A lady stands in the corner, and Baekhyun has a second take at the the burning red irises she possesses. Shock is evident on their faces and Baekhyun huffs, his eyes panning over the room.

 

His heart sinks even further and he can feel the bile rising higher, making him double over.

 

Torture. The word registers in his mind as Baekhyun stares, even more shocked than the other two individuals, at the body laying on the blood stained bed. He doesn't recognise the boy at first, stepping closer to inspect the face with a heavy heart. His eyes are brimming with tears, and there's a droplet of blood pooling at the corner of his mouth, but he doesn't look like he's conscious at all. Familiarity flows in Baekhyun's mind, recognising the face belonging to the body as Jongdae, the spy he had trusted with all his life in M.A.

 

No one stops him at first and Baekhyun takes the advantage of the shock to flit his gaze over Jongdae's form. The pain is apparent in the boy's body, in forms of purplish bruises and broken fingernails. Baekhyun wants to look away for his own sake, but he finds that he can't seem to strangely. Anger and confusion, a fusion of these two emotions sparks in him. He feels the light tickling the tips of his fingers, wanting to lash out at the cause of Jongdae's death.

 

“What the...fuck did you do to him?” Baekhyun voices out in a soft whisper, his syllables are broken but not as broken as the boy lying in front of him.

 

He glances upwards and notices Seungwan lying down on the bed next to Jongdae's, with no obvious bruises on her ivory skin, but her chest is heaving, her breaths come out in short pants. There are beads of perspiration on her temples and tears stain her cheeks.

 

“This is none of your business, light bearer,” the lady answers him sternly, eyes hardened. She faces him fully, arms crossed. “Unless you want to end up like them, you better seal that mouth of yours and run along now.”

 

Baekhyun's hand is outstretched towards Jongdae, ghosting over the bruises. Baekhyun realises with a heavy pang to his heart that the boy isn't breathing at all. His eyes are wide open, tears unblinking and lips slightly blue from asphyxiation. He closes his eyes slightly and breathes light into the boy's veins, awakening his core. It isn't enough but life slips into Jongdae, and he blinks out of a sudden, the tears finally streaming down his face.

 

Jongdae blinks again, flitting his eyes towards Baekhyun, surprised. His lips move, but no sound comes out.

 

Baekhyun feels a hand on his arm, forcefully pulling him back from the bed. He hears a lower-pitched voice in his ears, “Please leave.”

 

He turns around, a few words including a string of profanities ready on the tip of his tongue, but he stumbles back from the close proximity, the surprise.

 

Kyungsoo stands before him, a hand still wrapped around Baekhyun's arm, and he pulls on Baekhyun again. Baekhyun is involuntarily dragged closer to Kyungsoo's body. Right when he is next to Kyungsoo, the latter slides his hand down to circle Baekhyun's waist. His grip is tight on Baekhyun's waist and he almost sinks into the touch.

 

_Save us. Don't get distracted._

 

Seungwan's voice startles Baekhyun, waking him up from the distraction Kyungsoo brings to his thoughts. His gaze leaves Kyungsoo and focuses on Seungwan, her eyes are fiery despite the beaten up state she's in. It's contagious, setting fire to Baekhyun's own heart.

 

“I won't leave until I know why you are torturing my friends,” Baekhyun stops himself in time, before he could go on and say _Saviours._

 

No one answers him at first, everyone is looking at each other, tension slipping into the silence and seizing it. Baekhyun turns to Kyungsoo, trying to fathom the unreadable expression he wears. He's avoiding Baekhyun's pleading eyes, so he backs away from Kyungsoo, forcing the grip off his waist.

 

 _They wanted me captured, oppa._ Seungwan whispers into Baekhyun's mind, as the silence leads on. _They wanted a telepath to 'complete their circle'._

 

_How did you find out?_

 

Seungwan's eyes slowly flicker towards her left, where Jongdae lays, gasps of pain slipping his lips. Baekhyun's heart breaks piece by piece at how dimly lit Jongdae's light. The pain almost overwhelmed Baekhyun when he slipped a little light into Jongdae, the boy is utterly broken and bruised to the edge.

 

 _Jongdae protected me. He tried to help me flee during the fire in Hiroshima._ Mentions of Hiroshima spark memories in Baekhyun, of what Jongin had said about saving him. _I did escape but Jongdae didn't and he suffered the most._

 

Tears prickle Baekhyun's eyes and he feels the light surging in him in waves of fury. He glances at Jongdae, with a revelation in mind that the boy betrayed EXO to save Seungwan.

 

_But why?_

 

Before Seungwan could respond, the lady interrupts, “That's enough talking, telepath.” She breaks the silence before her eyes focus on Seungwan, the redness darkening in her irises.

 

Seungwan lets out a gasp, it turns into a scream when a long cut forms on her arm, deepening. The screams continue, filling the air, as blood oozes out of the cut. The lady's stare is piercing, concentrated on Seungwan, as the latter wrings her legs and arms but they seem to be tied down by a certain force.

 

“Stop!” Baekhyun shouts out in anger, a tear streaming down his cheek. This seems to awaken both Kyungsoo and Yixing as they both hold Baekhyun back before he could try anything to lash out against the lady. The torture goes on, Seungwan's screams pierce through Baekhyun's eardrums and her blood begins to drip onto the bed sheets, tainting them.

 

Baekhyun grits his teeth. Kyungsoo and Yixing are too strong to fight off, and he feels himself being dragged out. He keeps his feet on the ground, tries to stay rooted to the marble floor. His hands are useless, he can't sear through the lady's head with a burning shot of light. Baekhyun fixates on the lady, a plan forming in his mind, and he tries with all his willpower to focus harder, to breathe in and out, to _trick_ her.

 

He works out an illusion, reminiscent to the training days in M.A. when he was playing around with Sehun. Baekhyun lets his light linger around the corners of the lady's eyes, brightening her vision. He notices her blinking against the light, trying to subdue it with a few more blinks. Seungwan's screams slowly transitions into winces as the pain is barely there, unfocused by the lady as she is distracted by the sudden brightness.

 

Then, Baekhyun strips it away, bathing her vision in absolute darkness. She screams, stumbling back, her body hitting the wall in shock. The red disappears from her irises, instead her pupils are fully black, _demonic._ Her hands are outstretched, searching for something to hold onto for sanity, stability, _reality._

 

Seungwan's eyes are misty as they flicker upwards to meet Baekhyun in a heavy gaze. The cut on her arm isn't as deep as before, and Seungwan doesn't look as pained. The torturing has halted.

 

_Thank you._

 

“What did you do to my eyes, light bearer?!” the lady screams, waving her hands around, searching for him.

 

“Give Joohyun her vision back,” Yixing commands him, right as he lets go of Baekhyun's arm.

 

“I will if you stop torturing Jongdae and Seungwan both,” Baekhyun turns to Yixing, his tone sharper than intended.

 

Yixing looks at Baekhyun once before striding over to the lady – Joohyun and tapping a finger against her forehead. The red returns to her eyes, colouring her pupils in a shade of fury as she turns her head to send a piercing glare to Baekhyun.

 

“I ought to kill you,” Joohyun threatens, her eyes flaring.

 

Baekhyun responds with a glare of his own, “You can _try._ ”

 

He ignores Joohyun as he shakes off Kyungsoo's loosened grip and rushes to Seungwan's side. Baekhyun grips her wrist, apologising when she winces at the strength of his grip on her. He slips a bit of light into her, watching as it glows under her skin before surging through her veins. Her eyes are widened, even more alert and _alive._

 

“What do you even need her for?” Baekhyun swivels around, facing the trio behind him. “You already have _me_.”

 

Joohyun scoffs, “Junmyeon oppa was interested in recruiting a telepath.” A sinister smile takes form on her lips, “So we got her from your trusty government's secret mutant team.”

 

“She's not willing to cooperate and,” Joohyun's chin jerks in Jongdae's direction. “Little lightning boy here deserves a punishment for such a betrayal.”

 

“That's enough,” Kyungsoo reprimands, directing it at Joohyun. He leans forward to tug on Baekhyun's elbow, pulling him away from Seungwan's bedside. “Let's go.”

 

Baekhyun turns sharply to Kyungsoo, “I can't leave.” He shakes his head, backing away from Kyungsoo and standing closer to Jongdae's side. “They'll torture them again.”

 

“It's Junmyeon's command,” Joohyun mutters at the same time as Kyungsoo stares at Baekhyun in disbelief, “This is not your fight.”

 

The fire flares in Baekhyun and he counters back in a louder voice, “When will it be my fight then, 'Soo?”

 

Kyungsoo's stare is unwavering, holds even more strength than Baekhyun's stance on his two feet. Baekhyun feels a hand creeping up on his own, and he flicks his gaze towards Jongdae, seeing the boy lightly wrap his fingers around Baekhyun's wrist.

 

“It's okay, Baek,” Baekhyun hears Jongdae utter so softly, he could have missed it if he wasn't focusing on the movement of Jongdae's lips. He wants to disagree, tell Jongdae that it has _never_ been okay but then he notices the dimness of the light in those eyes and he halts, fear rising.

 

Jongdae's eyes hold Baekhyun's stare, shaking his head slowly. Redness rim the corners of his eyes, his skin is so pale, it's almost translucent. Baekhyun spots the light lingering in Jongdae's eyes, the last few strings of it, the very last breath held in. Baekhyun dreads it, his own heart already tearing apart, as Jongdae parts his lips, croaking out, “And I'm sorry.”

 

“No,” Baekhyun hears Seungwan whispers out and before he could stop anything, Jongdae's grip on Baekhyun's wrist loosens, slack. His body slumps against the bed, head lolling to the side, eyes closed almost in a peaceful state. The light fades out.

 

Baekhyun blinks, flickering his gaze from Jongdae's hand hanging limply out of the bed, no longer holding onto Baekhyun's wrist, to Jongdae's unmoving chest. He searches Jongdae for a single light in him, _something_ to revive him.

 

But there's nothing.

 

He's gone.

 

His knees hit the marble floor, as he clutches onto Jongdae's arm, shaking him violently. The hope in him simmers out as Jongdae stays unflinching, his body jerks robotically, reacting to Baekhyun's incessant shaking. Baekhyun breaks out into sobs, trembling all over. The pain captures his heart, seizing him all over, he is unable to shake off Jongdae's last words.

 

Baekhyun's unable to shake the reality of it all.

 

“Bring him back!” Baekhyun screams out, pleadingly. He looks at Yixing through his blurred vision, misty at the corners due to the tears. “You can bring him back, can't you?”

 

Yixing's face is solemn, rid of any sympathy. He presses his lips into a thin line, “He's reached his limit. I'm sorry.”

 

Kyungsoo's arms wrap around Baekhyun's torso, enveloping him in warmth. Baekhyun trembles in Kyungsoo's hold, grabbing onto the last bit of sanity left in him. Baekhyun closes his eyes, tears continuing to shed against his will. An image of Jongdae and his kittenish smile flickers in his mind, a reminder of his loss, a reminder of something he didn't fight for strongly enough, a reminder of another _torn away_ from him.

 _I'm sorry,_ Jongdae had said with his very last breath. Despite being a spy, he had fought for Seungwan. Despite everything, he was apologetic for it. Shards of Baekhyun's heart prick him on the inside, he can envision the blood oozing, the pain blinding him due to the grief.

 

 _I forgive you,_ Baekhyun wants Jongdae to hear that at least. He has never blamed the latter for whatever he's been through. The sincerity of their friendship had been proved in the last few seconds and Baekhyun feels the first regret wrecking him since he stepped into this mess called EXO.

 

He hears Kyungsoo's constant whispered apologies into the shell of his ear, the helplessness in his voice. He hears Seungwan's broken, quiet sobs in the background. A yawn and someone departing the room, which Baekhyun assumes to be Joohyun. Anger rises in him at the remembrance of her words.

 

It was all a command. It was all under Junmyeon's command.

 

Baekhyun's eyes open and grief ripples what's left of his heart, a kind of fire alighting in his insides. The light surges on, blaring in him. Jongdae's death cannot be in vain.

 

Jongdae's death would not be in vain.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“I'll fight,” Baekhyun says when he bursts into Junmyeon's office, startling the leader in the midst of his work.

 

Guards flood in, clothes strewn with burnt holes, looking even more perplexed than before when Baekhyun marched his way past them, not even flinching as his hands did the work for him.

 

Junmyeon cries out in surprise, “Baekhyun!” His eyes flicker towards the guards, widening at the state they are in. A trace of a smile lingers on his lips as he waves the guards off, reassuring them, “It's okay. He's alright.”

 

The guards bow before the leader, pausing for a few seconds to properly check that Baekhyun's intention isn't to harm the leader and then, backing away. The doors slam closed in their wake and Baekhyun swivels around as Junmyeon stands up, facing him fully.

 

“What's with the sudden determination?” Junmyeon smiles, clearly satisfied, cockiness slipping into his movements. Baekhyun restrains the urge to burn a hole through Junmyeon and instead, he wears a smile, tinged with perfect intent to fool the leader.

 

Baekhyun cocks an eyebrow, “Did you not expect me to join?”

 

Junmyeon's eyes wander towards Baekhyun, smile unwavering (which makes Baekhyun want to slap it off his face), “Well... I was hopeful.”

 

Baekhyun doesn't blame Junmyeon for looking shocked at the sudden declaration of his decision. He hadn't spared a moment to contemplate his decision as it came to him, sitting next to Kyungsoo, his fingers fiddling with a cup of warm tea. He was pulled out of the basement, barely aware of anything else but the loss crippling through him. Kyungsoo had been his one and only sane voice, being his pair of feet, walking Baekhyun back to his room.

 

From that second, Kyungsoo took it upon himself to stay by Baekhyun's side, a warm presence that refused to leave.

 

Over the course of a few days, in Baekhyun's mind, it felt like a decade passed by. He lived through every single day, chest heaving for a fresh breath of air and being constantly reminded that Jongdae hadn't been able to take a single breath ever since.

 

Grief shattered him, Jongdae's death was the one thing that kept him awake through the nights. Baekhyun was afraid to even close his eyes and visit his dreams as they might have been nightmares of his failure at saving the boy.

 

Kyungsoo fed him, held his hand, did everything in his power to keep Baekhyun upright and living. Baekhyun could tell that Kyungsoo was doing his best by staying silent and listening to the sobs wrecking through Baekhyun's body. While Baekhyun didn't much care for his wellbeing, he didn't have it in him to refuse the small spoonfuls of soup Kyungsoo fed him, feeling guilty for even making the doe-eyed boy take care of him in such a broken state.

 

If he was alone, Baekhyun would have headed straight for a path to cut his lifeline off and end himself for the very last time. He would have wrecked himself beyond repair, Yixing would have given up by then.

 

He had whispered words of gratitude softly when Kyungsoo enveloped Baekhyun in a hug, comforting him through the late night. Baekhyun wasn't sure if Kyungsoo had heard him, but the squeeze of their intertwined hands together had been an answer that calmed his heart down.

 

“ _I'm really sorry,”_ Kyungsoo had said, finally voicing out. Baekhyun finally dragged himself out of bed for the first time, without Kyungsoo there coaxing him out. The cup of tea was warm, burning Baekhyun's palms but he was used to the heat. Kyungsoo watched Baekhyun through his lashes, tipping on the edge of something Baekhyun couldn't read. “I should have done something, I know, but–”

 

“All of us should have done something,” Baekhyun interrupted him. The tears have dried on his cheeks and he felt sticky all over, heat overwhelming his temperature. He wasn't sure if it was due to Kyungsoo or something else entirely.

 

Even though the sorrow was fading away into something minimal, the pain still lingered at the corners, overwhelming if Baekhyun had pressed on it. Even if he took a step forward, he felt himself being pulled backwards by the wave of memories and the regret settled in the pit of his stomach every single time. Baekhyun couldn't stop thinking of Jongdae's last words, his croaky and hoarse voice haunting him. Jongdae had become another ghost, Baekhyun realised. Another ghost to live with.

 

“I'm also sorry for the other day,” Kyungsoo said quietly.

 

“The other day?”

 

He pressed his lips into a thinner line, his gaze dropping to the cup of tea, “For almost killing you.”

 

Baekhyun's eyes stayed on Kyungsoo, he shook his head vehemently at the boy, “I'm the one who pulled the trigger.”

 

But Kyungsoo was stubborn. “Still,” he pressed on.

 

“I should have stayed dead anyway,” Baekhyun said selfishly. He chuckled at his own words, “I sure make the stupidest mistakes, don't I?”

 

Kyungsoo had stayed silent, listening as he sipped his own cup of tea. Baekhyun continued, his words were unable to hold back, “Don't you wish you have someone else's power?” Baekhyun flitted his eyes towards Kyungsoo, noticing the rigidity in his jaw, “I wish I had Seungwan's telepathic powers, how about you?”

 

Kyungsoo's answer surprised Baekhyun, “I wish I had yours.”

 

Baekhyun's eyebrows pinched together, a frown taking form on his features, “Why?”

 

“ _I don't have power over life and death like you do,”_ Kyungsoo exhaled, turning around to hold Baekhyun's gaze, his words making Baekhyun even more surprised, taken aback by his thoughts.

 

“You are earth,” Baekhyun had replied in disbelief. “You can control the life of everything literally.”

 

“And you are light,” Kyungsoo countered back, raising an eyebrow. A hint of smile traced his full lips, Baekhyun resisted the urge to lean forward and do something stupid once again. “You're in all of us, you are valuable.”

 

“The earth orbits around you, y'know?” Kyungsoo said, holding Baekhyun's gaze, growing with intensity between them. “You are something else entirely.”

 

It sparked a little fire in Baekhyun and he realised, in that very second, that he would fight. He would want to fight for this, against or with Junmyeon. He would want to fight for Kyungsoo's earth, he would want to fight for Jongdae's lightning, he would want to fight for everyone.

 

That's how Baekhyun ends up in Junmyeon's office, his impulsive decision uttered out loud for Junmyeon to hear. Baekhyun searches Junmyeon's features for an ounce of sympathy for Jongdae's death, he wonders if the leader even knows about it, if he even cared at all. Maybe death was what he had intended for Jongdae and that adds fuel to the fire in Baekhyun, hatred growing for the leader standing in front of him.

 

Junmyeon clasps his hands together, “So it's settled? You'll fight with us?”

 

Baekhyun nods, confirming it. Junmyeon's grin grows wider if possible, “Any clue on how you concluded at this decision?”

 

Baekhyun withholds the urge to rip the soul out of the leader. He does wish the leader could hold a little sympathy for him, at what he had witnessed. Yet, here he stands before Baekhyun, oblivious in pretence.

 

He could pretend too. Baekhyun's smile becomes fixated on his face as he answers, “I realised how important it is for me to stand with the others.” Baekhyun tilts his head sideways, the smile pushing into his cheeks forcefully, “It is after all my fight as well.”

 

Junmyeon rubs his hands together, looking even more satisfied with Baekhyun's perfectly sprouted answer. He inches closer to Baekhyun, until he is directly in front of him. Junmyeon holds his hand out, expecting Baekhyun to take it, and he does so, grabbing onto Junmyeon's hand in a shake.

 

“This is great,” Junmyeon says, and Baekhyun swears he could see the traces of something sinister along Junmyeon's unflinching, bright smile. His next words ripple through Baekhyun's mind, shock dawning on him and the realisation of the graveness of it sinks in a little too late.

 

“We'll start tomorrow.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The alarm had gone off minutes ago.

 

Baekhyun hasn't budged an inch, still sitting up in bed, overlooking the room with a blank expression. The alarm blares throughout the mansion, Junmyeon had mentioned that it would be a signal alert to gather everyone in the Earth (Junmyeon also mentioned that the secret basement had been named that after Kyungsoo created it in a fit of fury).

 

He can hear Kyungsoo in the shower, taking his leisure time as Baekhyun starts to ponder on the impulsiveness of his decisions. Baekhyun's decision to fight along with EXO had become the green light for Junmyeon, to kick start whatever they have been preparing. If only he had known...

 

Even if Baekhyun had known, what could he have done?

 

Kyungsoo steps out, fully clad in a new pair of black trousers and a polo shirt. His eyes flit over Baekhyun, a corner of his lips tugging upwards, “Morning, B.”

 

As he pads towards the windows, dragging the curtains to the sides to let the sunlight peek into the room, Kyungsoo asks in a mocking tone, “Aren't you supposed to be getting ready to go down and meet the others in the Earth?”

 

Baekhyun grudgingly gets out of bed, shuffling towards Kyungsoo with his shoulders slouched over. His fingers faintly trace the circle of Kyungsoo's waist, setting camp there with a loose grip. He leans his chin on Kyungsoo's shoulder, feeling the latter tense at first before easing into Baekhyun with a long exhale.

 

“Why aren't you joining us?” Baekhyun asks. He had voiced the question before, when he came back to the room from Junmyeon's office, bearing news for Kyungsoo. The boy merely kept quiet and turned away without an answer. “Is it not mandatory for everyone to be a part of it?”

 

Baekhyun notices Kyungsoo's fists clenching and unclenching, his lips parting and closing. He can feel Kyungsoo turning inwardly, closing himself off from Baekhyun, and he leans further into Kyungsoo, squeezing his waist as a form of assurance and comfort.

 

“I have ceased to be part of anything in EXO anymore,” Kyungsoo finally answers in a monotone voice.

 

The confusion is clear in Baekhyun's voice as he asks, “And Junmyeon's not against that?”

 

“He can't say anything when I almost killed him before,” Kyungsoo snickers, shaking his head. “Now that he's found you, he's not losing out so...”

 

Baekhyun turns Kyungsoo around to face him, watching the surprise flickers across the boy's features. He raises his voice in perplexity, “So you're saying that you're not needed anymore?”

 

Kyungsoo tilts his head at Baekhyun, assessing him with another one of his scrutinising stares. Baekhyun sinks his teeth down onto his bottom lip, trying to restrain himself, but he knows that he can't do it. He can't do this without Kyungsoo.

 

Thus, he throws caution to the wind, his restraint left behind, as Baekhyun utters the words softly, gently, “Join me.” He can tell that Kyungsoo's taken aback, his carefully composed expression slips away into surprise, fond at the corners, as he gazes into Baekhyun's irises.

 

Baekhyun has Kyungsoo's attention now, “I want to fight with you, I said this before.”

 

“You shouldn't be able to convince me this easily, B,” Kyungsoo breathes out, eyes widening. His fingers touch Baekhyun's cheek gently, “I have nothing to fight for.”

 

Baekhyun takes the leap this time, closing the distance between them. His lips cover Kyungsoo's slowly, relishing in the way their mouths are slanted against each other. Baekhyun tastes the toothpaste at the corners of Kyungsoo's mouth as Kyungsoo sucks insistently on the latter's upper lip, immediately reacting back to Baekhyun's sudden move. Before Kyungsoo could begin to deepen the kiss, Baekhyun pulls away, dragging a whimper out of Kyungsoo at the loss.

 

“Fight for _me_ ,” Baekhyun whispers into the little space between their mouths and he catches the way Kyungsoo's gaze keeps dropping to his lips. He chuckles, pecking onto Kyungsoo's lips and taking two, three steps back, out of Kyungsoo's grasp.

 

“Why should I?” Kyungsoo asks, once he regains composure. Baekhyun, on the other hand, licks his lips, teetering on his heels, feeling his heart slamming against his ribcage at the kiss they shared. Kyungsoo's eyes follow the motion of Baekhyun's tongue and Baekhyun starts to feel light-headed again.

 

Baekhyun clears his throat, his voice coming off more airy than intended, “Because I need you.”

 

His eyes drop to the way Kyungsoo bites onto his upper lip, in clear contemplation. Baekhyun isn't lying, he does need Kyungsoo to be by his side during this rebellion. He needs a steady hand to hold if he ever falls during the rebellion and if he does spend his last waking moment fighting, he would be with Kyungsoo at least.

 

It makes Baekhyun's heart calmer, settles easier in his chest. There's a certain stability in Kyungsoo that Baekhyun finds comfort in, Baekhyun leans against it, to keep himself standing on his two feet once again.

 

 

“You're different from the Baekhyun I met,” Kyungsoo replies in his own way, eyes holding Baekhyun in another one of his intense gazes. There is a trace of curiosity in his eyes, assessing Baekhyun.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

Kyungsoo chuckles, “You said you remembered everything. Do you not remember your time in jail?”

 

At the mention of that, a certain memory jolts Baekhyun. The mundane routine every single day, the greyness he was faced with, the whimpers late at night, the numbness that flowed through his being, the void in his head.

 

“Baekhyun, inmate 2904,” Kyungsoo says, and Baekhyun stares, astounded. “A quiet and timid boy who went right back in his cell when everyone broke free out of their jails.”

 

“H-how?” Baekhyun stammers in astonishment.

 

He does recall how he immediately closed himself off in the cell, watching the rest sprint around, creating more pandemonium as guards fail to stop anyone. He remembers the fear he felt at the sense of freedom, feeling strange with the lack of restrain around his hands. At the end of the day, when some prisoners managed to walk free, the authorities found Baekhyun still in his cell, refusing to even walk out or fight for the sunlight that the rest ached to meet.

 

 _Strange,_ they had called him. He was the strange one.

 

Kyungsoo eyes him closely, lips twitching, “You're supposed to remember everything but you don't remember me? A fellow inmate? You even let me out.” He makes a tsk sound with his tongue clicking against the roof of of his mouth, mocking Baekhyun with amusement laced in his tone.

 

Doe eyes, Baekhyun is hit with the realisation, remembering the inmate he helped. The nervousness that was replaced by bliss at the first step of freedom as Baekhyun drew closer to his cell instead of joining the other inmates.

 

He didn't even notice. He hadn't even drawn the connection between Kyungsoo and that boy he helped in his struggle to break free.

 

Baekhyun looks at Kyungsoo closely now, the familiarity that he felt when he was acquainted with Kyungsoo at his apartment is now explained thoroughly. The amnesia hadn't been able to answer his questions back then, and now, with his memories back in his head, he still hadn't been able to think about it.

 

Because it's weird, Baekhyun answers himself. It is weird to have thought that he met Kyungsoo in jail for a very brief encounter.

 

“So if you hadn't gone out, would you have been in M.A.?” Baekhyun questions, his mind fitting the puzzle pieces properly together. “...With me?”

 

Kyungsoo makes a humming noise, answering Baekhyun's inquiring question. Baekhyun tries to imagine Kyungsoo as a Saviour. Would they have still been in this mess?

 

They would have broken out of M.A. together, he thinks. He imagines their powers fused together in a deathly combination. The thought entertains Baekhyun for a few seconds in silence until Kyungsoo breaks through his thoughts with an invasive reminder of their present, the issue at hand.

 

“Go and freshen up,” Kyungsoo orders, breaking the silence. He cracks a small, unsure smile at Baekhyun, “Be out in fifteen. I'll tell Junmyeon.”

 

“Tell Junmyeon what?”

 

The smile remains, but the uncertainty wavers, fading away, “That I'm fighting too.”

 

 

“Go and freshen up,” Kyungsoo orders, breaking the silence. He cracks a small, unsure smile at Baekhyun, “Be out in fifteen. I'll tell Junmyeon.”

 

Baekhyun grins widely at Kyungsoo, feeling his heart slowing down to a more steadier beat in contrast to the anxiety wrecking him. However, it fades slowly as he takes a shower, the solemnity of what he's about to do sinking into his bones. As long as he has Kyungsoo, Baekhyun should be alright, or he believes so.

 

It's a rebellion. A fight against everything Baekhyun once trusted. Junmyeon said that they would be capturing the Saviours first, as a form of warning against the government. When Baekhyun spoke of his protest against harming the Saviours, Junmyeon merely waved him away with a light laugh and crinkled eyes in amusement, promising that they would not harm any of our kind.

 

Then, the memory of Jongdae slips into Baekhyun's mind, fury rising in his heart at how easily Junmyeon dismissed his once best friend.

 

Baekhyun slips on his shoes, tugging onto his sleeves and inhaling a deep breath. He quickly trudges over to the corner of the floor, past the guards, ignoring their piercing glares. Baekhyun faces the cobblestoned wall once more, and he mimics Minseok's actions the other day, in hopes that he gets it right. Soon enough, the door creaks, appearing out of the wall and sliding to the side for Baekhyun to enter.

 

The darkness doesn't quite hinder Baekhyun as before, seemingly, he doesn't use his light to guide him through the shadowy path, trusting his instincts. He reaches the stairs, hand clutching onto the rail with a sigh of relief. Quick, careful steps down the narrowed stairway, Baekhyun finds himself in the middle of the circle once more, but this time, he is surrounded by the other members.

 

“Baekhyun-ssi!” he hears someone calling out to him and he swivels around to spot a tall lady with musky brown hair pulled back in a high ponytail. She smiles at him in greeting, “Junmyeon asked me to introduce you to your suit.”

 

“My what?” Baekhyun sputters as she immediately tugs on his wrist, taking his shock as an advantage, dragging him towards a room.

 

“I'm Seohyun, by the way,” she introduces herself right when the door opens and reveals a space where numerous suits are hanging up, name tags plastered on them to indicate their ownership. Baekhyun barely hears her as he spins around in awe at the various, designed suits surrounding him, “I'm mostly a designer but sometimes, I can move things with my mind.”

“Ah, telekinesis?” Baekhyun hums, nodding. He bows to her and then, straightening up to introduce himself, “I'm Baekhyun, a lig–”

 

Seohyun interrupts him, occupied with a playful slap to his arm, “Everyone knows who you are! You don't have to act so modest.”

 

Baekhyun cracks an awkward smile at that, rubbing at his nape. She claps out of a sudden, linking her fingers together. Seohyun moves towards a corner in the room, pulling a suit out of the collection. It glints under the light, catching Baekhyun's attention, as he draws closer to Seohyun.

 

It's a dark shade of blue, in resemblance to the colour of the night sky, and sleek. The gloves, on the other hand, are different, a stark contrast to the blue suit with the bright whiteness splayed on the material. Baekhyun eyes the suit, noticing how it's a perfectly shaped for him, from head to toe.

 

“This is your suit,” Seohyun exclaims, holding the suit outwards to Baekhyun. He gingerly takes it from her, fingers tracing the rubbery and stretchable material. It feels smooth under his fingertips, and Baekhyun can't seem to stop himself from running his hands over the fabric.

 

“Go, try it on,” Seohyun urges him, pushing him towards the line of small cubicles at the opposite end. “We are due in half an hour, c'mon.”

 

Baekhyun takes hesitant steps into the cubicle, locking the door shut behind him. With the clothes stripped off, he slips into the suit, a strange feeling of comfort filling his senses as he covers his body in the suit. The material clings onto his skin but it doesn't make him feel sticky, he doesn't suffer a wave of heat in the fully covered body suit. The gloves are a surprising snug fit on his hands, making the long length of his fingers even more prominent.

 

Everything has been slipped on smoothly and easily, Baekhyun can probably run a marathon in the suit and not break a single sweat at the comfort of the material. He steps out of the cubicle, feeling even lighter and eased. Seohyun stands, watching him with a proud and relieved smile on her lips. Her fingers trace his arms, beginning to check if it is all correctly fitted.

 

“Thank you,” Baekhyun says, ruffling his bangs back, feeling a little self-conscious as Seohyun's eyes continuously rake over his figure. “The suit is amazing.”

 

Seohyun shoves at his chest once again with the playful, teasing actions. There is a light blush peppering her cheeks at Baekhyun's compliment, she says shyly, “Anything for the light bearer.”

 

Out of a sudden, her eyes widen and she hits her forehead with the back of her hand, “I almost forgot!” She turns away from Baekhyun, grabbing something from a box filled with something akin to... gadgets? Baekhyun eyes the box in curiosity as Seohyun swivels back to him, holding out a metallic-looking ear piece.

 

She leans into Baekhyun, fixing the ear piece onto his left ear and clicking a single button on it. A ping rings directly into his eardrums and Baekhyun winces from it.

 

“This is mandatory,” Seohyun explains, leaning back but then, her lips move without a sound. Her next sentence gets drowned by a louder, blaring alarm out of nowhere. Baekhyun jerks away from Seohyun, eyes widening in surprise. The alarm is too loud, in tandem with Baekhyun's fast-paced beating heart. He can feel anxiety rising in his throat, seizing his nerves, freezing his limbs.

 

It's Seohyun that helps by dragging him out to the middle of the circle, her grip on his wrist that brings him back to the pounding reality with a heavy heart. Baekhyun's eyes instinctively scan the group, searching for a certain doe-eyed boy, but alas, he can't seem to find him. His heart sinks further in his stomach, Baekhyun gulps down the nervousness.

 

He's been through this many times, Baekhyun reprimands the voices of fear and anxiety in his head. He will be fine.

 

Junmyeon stands in the middle, with Jongin, as the rest gather around them both, fully suited from head to toe just like Baekhyun is. Seohyun's grip on his wrist loosens and disappears, and Baekhyun finds that he's left alone as the latter heads over to the opposite end. Baekhyun rubs at his arms, crossing them in front of his chest, feeling the prominent absence of someone.

 

A sigh escapes his lips, Baekhyun should have known better. It was never easy to convince Kyungsoo into something like this.

 

The group quietens as Junmyeon speaks up, eyes panning over the members. His gaze falls on Baekhyun and his expression brightens. He trudges over to Baekhyun with his hands outstretched and before Baekhyun could even decipher what he is holding out to him, Junmyeon smiles, “I heard you're an archer.”

 

Baekhyun glances down at Junmyeon's hands, seeing a simple bow with a sheath of arrows. His lips part, speechless, as he takes them from Junmyeon, knuckles tightening around the bow. It feels all too familiar and strange in his grip, Baekhyun hasn't been able to polish his skills for a while since the days in M.A.

 

Yet, Baekhyun feels an odd sense of relief settling in him at the backup he could use in times of defence. He doesn't want a death toll on his hands today. With these arrows, Baekhyun could risk less than using the light within him to fight.

 

He mutters the words of gratitude underneath his breath and he knows Junmyeon has heard it as his grin grows, satisfied. Baekhyun swings the sheath of arrows over his shoulder, crossing it over his body. He tugs on the strap snugly, feeling a bit more comfortable, though his heart hasn't quite calmed down entirely due to Kyungsoo's evident absence next to him.

 

Junmyeon looks over everyone, nodding off in approval, “Now that we are all ready, huddle closer.” The members do so at Junmyeon's command, pushing Baekhyun towards the front unwillingly as his pulse starts to pace faster.

 

“Remember what we are there for,” Junmyeon reminds them in a solemn tone. His eyes grow serious, “Save the rest of our race from the hands of the government.”

 

Junmyeon's eyes flicker towards Jongin after everyone screams out their agreement, and the latter yawns lazily before holding out his hand to the middle. It seems like second nature to the members as they all act on instinct, placing their hands atop one another's. Puzzled, Baekhyun becomes the last one to add his hand to the tower, feeling his palm grow clammy at the nerves breaking out throughout his body.

 

Right when Jongin parts his lips to say something, Junmyeon interrupts, eyes cutting to Baekhyun as if purposefully, “Don't forget to stay alive.”

 

Some chuckles are heard, a few chortles and Jongin rolls his eyes at the leader, dropping his other hand atop Baekhyun's. The younger captures Baekhyun's eyes in a meaningful gaze, a hint of a smile lingers along his lips and Baekhyun can't move a single muscle of his body, not when his knees are trembling and the only thing keeping him upright is the bodies squeezed against him in the huddle.

 

“Stay close,” Jongin warns. “And close your eyes.”

 

Before Baekhyun can fathom a single thought, he finds himself pulled forward by a stubborn force. He shuts his eyes, remembering Jongin's words. His body levitates in the air, his feet have no ground to stand on, and it feels entirely different to the teleportation he goes through in M.A. This makes him more nauseous, dizzies him even further and makes the panic rise in his throat, threatening to spill the contents of his stomach out.

 

A few seconds pass, and Baekhyun still has his eyes shut. A hand clasps on his shoulder and his eyes flutter open slowly, hesitantly. He looks up to see that it's merely Jongin with a reassuring smile on his face. Baekhyun glances downwards to sigh in relief that his feet have found ground and he takes a step forward but he stumbles from the sudden rush of blood to his head. Jongin steadies him with another hand on his shoulder, concern flickering on his features.

 

Baekhyun intends to assure the younger that he's indeed fine but then, his eyes cut to his surroundings and he is slammed backwards by the overwhelming feeling of nostalgia and the wave of memories that he hadn't expected. Baekhyun surveys his surroundings closely, and realises with a pang that it's the Orbit, the last place he had been in M.A.

 

“I'm sure all of you have studied the map carefully,” Junmyeon speaks up, leading the others. “You can now carry out your tasks.”

 

Baekhyun raises an eyebrow, clearly perplexed. Junmyeon hadn't informed him of a specific task to carry out, besides merely seeking out the Saviours and disarming the other officials that will try to come in their way. Junmyeon's gaze settles on Baekhyun and he inches closer to him, smile blinding on his lips.

 

“Baekhyun, you have to guard this area,” Baekhyun's eyebrows draw together, even more confused. “If there's an emergency anywhere, we'll alert you.”

 

“But–” before Baekhyun could even voice out his confusion, the leader disappears in front of his eyes, with Jongin's arm around the latter. Jongin had looked at Baekhyun with an apologetic smile, right before the two of them are gone in a flash.

 

Baekhyun spins around to face the entrance of the Orbit, the memories of living in the M.A. returning to his mind. He is now left all alone, with an amateur task of safeguarding. Junmyeon isn't that different from Leader Jinki, Baekhyun bitterly thinks. They are both afraid of his full potential, afraid of the light.

 

He couldn't care less anymore, a certain fury blazing within him as he unlocks the door. Silence and emptiness greet him outside of the Orbit. He's no longer bathed in the purple glow of the space, and Baekhyun starts to walk in the direction of his room, the one he had shared with Sehun.

 

Baekhyun is alert, keeping his eyes out and ears perked up for anything amiss. He clutches onto his bow tightly, taking swift steps through the corridors. It's alarmingly quiet for a break-in and Baekhyun wonders the truth behind Junmyeon's plans, if he had fallen to an act of trickery and deception, if Jongin was right after all.

 

As he advances closer to his old room, whilst questioning the emptiness of the headquarters at a time like this, he hears a whimper out of a sudden. He whips around, instinctively reaching out for an arrow behind his back. After checking that there is indeed no one of threat near him, Baekhyun slowly draws his arrow back, the string of the bow bouncing against pressure.

 

He hears it again, louder, and it takes a few seconds before Baekhyun realises that it's within his head. He calls out softly in his head, in hopes that the latter could hear and that it was a delusion, _Seungwan?_

 

Baekhyun doesn't quite get his answer and instead, he receives something else entirely. A ping startles Baekhyun in his ear piece, static filling his eardrums before a clear voice says, “Emergency! Emergency! North-east wing of the building. Baekhyun, do you copy?”

 

North-east wing of the building.

 

North-east of the headquarters is where Leader Jinki's office is at.

 

“Roger that,” Baekhyun speaks up, already on the move towards the office. His mind remembers the building better than himself, feet instinctively taking turns at different corners. He speeds through the corridors, passing familiar places where he usually lingers around with Jongdae and he fights the sorrow down, it's not the time to feel morose or to grieve his loss.

 

Baekhyun rounds the final corner, stepping into the corridor with a huff. He passes the usual line of portraits of noteworthy government officials before he inches closer to the door. It isn't even closed or locked, there's a parting that deepens Baekhyun's suspicions. He pushes the door further, mildly blinded by the brightness of the lights in the office.

 

He is greeted with a sight of Leader Jinki and Baekhyun's vision clears even more, noticing that he is holding someone by the throat. Baekhyun takes a double take at the familiar face, the messy red hair, the similar curl of lips though it's more of a wince.

 

“Seungwan?” Baekhyun's gaze flickers between the two of them. His knuckles tighten on the arrow in his clutch, “What the fuck is going on?”

 

Leader Jinki's hoarse voice cuts through Baekhyun's hearing, a stark difference from the leader he has known and been mentored by through the years. He sways on his two feet, his forearm digging into Seungwan's throat in an attempt of a choke hold. Seungwan coughs out, taking sharp breaths of air.

 

“ _You,_ ” Leader Jinki says accusingly. “I trusted _you_.”

 

“Wh–”

 

 _Oppa,_ Seungwan's voice rings in Baekhyun's head, startling him again. _Oppa, listen to me closely._

 

“Your stupid rebellious association,” Leader Jinki spits into the air and Baekhyun slides the arrow into place on his bow, hearing the soft click of it. “I had so much trust in you that you wouldn't go rogue.”

 

A chortle fills the air, followed by a string of coughs. Baekhyun eyes Leader Jinki, scrutinising the other and noticing the obvious bruises spotting his arms and neck, in resemblance to the ones on Seungwan and Jongdae's previously. Joohyun must have come in here earlier, Baekhyun realises, it's another act of torture.

 

But... Baekhyun's eyes slice towards Seungwan, _why is she here?_

 

“Abusing me for information like I fucking know anything!” Leader Jinki goes on, sprouting his word vomit. Baekhyun draws the bow back, Leader Jinki isn't even paying any heed to Baekhyun. His eyes are glazed over in some sort of trance, and he's unable to shake it off.

 

His forearm is still cutting off Seungwan's air supply, she's choking, her eyes are brimming with tears. Baekhyun could feel the pressure, teetering on the edges of wanting to shoot the arrow and help Seungwan. The girl is wide-eyed, shaking her head profusely as she sees Baekhyun's eyes fleeting between the bow in his hands and the look of insanity on Leader Jinki's face.

 

_No, don't shoot the arrow!_

 

Baekhyun ignores Seungwan's voice, pulling the string back. He lowers the bow, aiming accurately at his chest. He keeps swaying, so Baekhyun struggles, taking a deep breath and hardening his irises.

 

_No!_

 

The arrow flies through the air, landing on its target right on the bullseye. Leader Jinki's words get cut off, his lips parted in shock, stumbling back from the impact and pain. His arm loosens around Seungwan, then it drops to his side limply, and Seungwan immediately falls to the floor, clutching onto her neck, running her fingers over the faint red marks.

 

Leader Jinki stares at Baekhyun, affronted. His fingers gingerly, slowly takes out the arrow in his chest, gasping and screaming at the excruciating pain. He continuously falls backwards, before finally sinking down to his knees. Leader Jinki gasps for one last breath, eyes widened.

 

“You,” he breathes out, directing it at Baekhyun. The last orb of light dims out as his eyes flutter closed and the rest of his sentence isn't voiced out, kept within himself. The heart stops beating and Baekhyun looks down at his hands, they are trembling.

 

Another death. Another ghost. Another blood stain on his hands.

 

_I told you not to do it._

 

He wants to tell Seungwan to be grateful, that she has been saved by him before she could choke to death, but the latter interrupts him, her high-pitched voice ringing in the walls of his mind.

 

_That's exactly what they want you to do!_

 

They?

 

Baekhyun pinches his eyebrows together, lips parting to question but an interruption arrives once more, this time, not in the form of Seungwan's voice in his head.

 

“Good job,” it comes behind him and Baekhyun swivels around, meeting the signature grin on Junmyeon's lips. There is a sinister edge to it and he applauds for Baekhyun, stepping closer to him. He pats onto Baekhyun's shoulder in approval, “You did well, light bearer.”

 

“What?” Baekhyun manages to stutter out, even more puzzled than earlier.

 

 _They are going to use you like they used me, oppa._ Baekhyun's eyes widen upon hearing Seungwan's voice, the revelation hitting him all too late. _He used my telepathic powers to send a signal boost through every Saviour's mind, manipulating them to join him._

 

“Is she spilling all the details to you in your head now?” Junmyeon inquires, shrugging it off like it isn't a big deal. “Who are the Saviours going to listen to, if not for their trustworthy telepath?”

 

Baekhyun shoves Junmyeon's hands away from him, stepping backwards and nearing Seungwan on the floor. He feels the waves of fury sloshing within him, piling onto one another, it rages on like a storm. He drops the bow to the floor, clenching his fists, willing the light to glow in his hands.

 

Except... it doesn't work.

 

Baekhyun glances at his hands, the glow is missing. The light is gone. The crease on his forehead deepens as he tries to search for the light within him. The core stays, unwavering, but it doesn't budge at his command, no matter how hard he tries to pull the light out.

 

“Sehun, will you stop torturing him?” Junmyeon calls out, exasperated. Baekhyun's heart drops at the mention of Sehun, confusion filling his senses. He hears the familiar laugh belonging to Sehun behind him and Junmyeon continues, “He's not the target here.”

 

Baekhyun turns around, dreading the truth, and sure enough, it's Sehun in his glory. He stands before him, no traces of the Sehun he has met in the cell. Sehun looks well, healthy, _happy._ Betrayal and hurt fill Baekhyun's heart, overpowering his senses. He stumbles back from the shock, his steps stuttering at the sudden turn of events.

 

“I know, but it's fun,” Sehun remarks and his eyes focus on Baekhyun, piercing through him. His eyes are similar to Joohyun's, blazing red. Memories of their nights together where Baekhyun listens to the latter confide in him, thinking that he had become a pillar of strength for the younger, just to find out that it has always been planned and an act to lure him deeper into the blackhole, EXO.

 

Another flame fires up in Baekhyun, he fixates on rage than the conflicting emotions of sadness and hurt.

 

Baekhyun suddenly feels something tingly in him and soon, he's flooded by the immense power of his light, surging through his veins, alarming his senses. Assuming that Sehun had listened to Junmyeon's words, he breathes out a sigh of relief at the sight of the glow at the tips of his fingers.

 

He hears a sudden whimper and Baekhyun turns to Seungwan in shock, seeing the girl double over, clutching at her throat. Baekhyun runs towards Seungwan, eyes flailing all over the girl in worry and panic. Pandemonium wrecks his mind as the telepath's chest barely moves and her hand grips onto Baekhyun's too tightly.

 

Baekhyun looks towards Sehun, noticing his eyes fixating on Seungwan with a crease in between his eyebrows.

 

He whispers, “Don't worry.” Baekhyun runs his hands over Seungwan's cheeks, wiping her tears, and his heart breaks from the pleading look on her face. She chokes again on her breath, dust particles invading her throat and her lungs.

 

Baekhyun presses his fingers to her temples, feeling the light flow through his fingers and passing through her. It glows underneath her skin and her eyes are even more widened at the sudden surge of energy she feels. Slowly, the tears fall from her eyes and she looks at Baekhyun with gratitude. Seungwan looks so weary, with her tear-stricken cheeks and dry lips running with cracks along the flesh.

 

The telepath soon falls into a sleep, head lolling to the side, chest heaving in slow but steady breaths. Relief washes over him and he pulls his hands away, remembering the duo behind him, the ones behind every single downfall in his life. Furious, he turns around and holds his hands out in a defensive pose, eyes glaring at both Sehun and Junmyeon. His lips turns downwards into a frown and he fights the urge to cry out and claw at Sehun's skin.

 

Is this how tightly woven his fate is with EXO? He has to constantly deal with sudden outbursts of betrayal from every corner and finding out that Junmyeon is behind every single thing falling apart in his life. Baekhyun directs all his light into his palms and he starts to aim for Junmyeon, feeling the resentment and hatred flow in him in strong waves.

 

“What are you?” Baekhyun barely gets the question out, directing it at Sehun. His eyes are burning with tears and he tries to not let them fall. He's past the line of crying, he reminds himself constantly.

 

Sehun looks at him with a scrutinising expression and for a split second, Baekhyun thought he detected sympathy in those red irises, but as soon as he saw it, Sehun blinks and it's gone.

 

“Do you like my new creation, Baekhyun?” Junmyeon asks, chortling. He places a hand on Sehun's shoulder, “He's Joohyun's twin, I'm sure you have met her. They both specialise in abuse, what a great idea, right?”

 

Baekhyun grits his teeth, blinking the tears back, toughening his heart. Disgust and repulsion fills his being at the smug look on Junmyeon's face. His eyes flit towards Sehun and Baekhyun wonders if hatred is the word to describe the way he feels, is it hatred for being so easily fooled and drawn towards something that had been monstrous?

 

He draws a hand up, planning to fight first and then, escaping from this office to find the rest. Before he can even shoot a light beam, Junmyeon stops him, fingers kneading into his knuckles as he intertwines their hands together out of a sudden. Baekhyun tries to shake Junmyeon off, revulsion clear in his expression at the leader.

 

 _Pull away!_ Baekhyun turns his head towards Seungwan, surprised to see the latter still gasping for breath, huffing. She looks too weak on the floor, her eyes are droopy and red-rimmed. _He's going to absorb your powers!_

 

 _Absorb..._ Baekhyun doesn't understand, the thought hasn't sunk in fully until he feels a trickling sensation at first before a sudden force _sucks_ on the core of his light, it is insistently drawing the light away from Baekhyun. He feels the gradual and increasing lack of power and Baekhyun starts to lash out, kneeling Junmyeon's crotch, making the leader double over in pain, not expecting such a reaction from him. He pulls his hands away from the leader, taking advantage of his moment of weakness to draw away entirely.

 

The light returns to Baekhyun's fingers, glinting at the tips once again. Baekhyun glares at Junmyeon, “Is this how you repay with the trust I had in you?”

 

“Look at him, so naïve,” Sehun comments from the side. His eyes are gleaming. “I told you it would be easy to deceive him.”

 

Baekhyun spits, “You two are the _monsters._ ”

 

Sehun cocks an eyebrow and Baekhyun swears he sees the fiery red blazing in those irises, but fear is long overdue. He speaks in a low voice, “You are just like us.” At the look of hurt passing over Baekhyun's features, he continues, the poison from his words stinging Baekhyun, “You think you're different, but you are just like one of us, you are also a _monster_.”

 

“I'm not one of you,” Baekhyun scrunches his nose, shaking his head. The strength in Baekhyun's voice grows, “You are _worse._ ”

 

Junmyeon chuckles, wincing slightly as he straightens up. He gazes at Baekhyun, stepping closer once more. His eyes flit towards Baekhyun's hands and there's a greed in those eyes, Baekhyun can sense it, as he stares hungrily at his hands, yearning for the light that lives in Baekhyun.

 

“You are so gifted,” Junmyeon whispers, he seizes Baekhyun's hands again in a second. This time, Baekhyun fights against Junmyeon but it doesn't work, the grip he has on him is too strong. He finds himself flailing at the leader's new found strength. “But so so stupid and clueless.”

 

 _Is this how it ends?_ Baekhyun wonders in the midst of his struggles against Junmyeon. The revelation of how easily deceived he had been by both Junmyeon and Sehun streams through his head, reminding him of all the times he had put trust into the two and believed them wholeheartedly.

 

Jongin had been right after all.

 

Jongin and Kyungsoo both were right for hiding him away for Junmyeon.

 

And Baekhyun had been the stupid one stumbling into everything headfirst without caution.

 

Baekhyun was about to surrender, giving in to his fate, but he remembers his mother's words. Jongdae's last breath. Kyungsoo.

 

“ _You're wrong,”_ Baekhyun spits into Junmyeon's face, his limbs can't move and his eyes wander towards Sehun. The boy is manoeuvring his movements and Baekhyun fights against two forces at the same time, breathes in the strength of his light.

 

He digs his fingernails into Junmyeon's hands, prickling blood on the leader's skin and he hisses at Baekhyun. This won't do, Baekhyun thinks, as he channels his light into his palms and lightly burn Junmyeon's skin with a small light beam out of his hands.

 

Junmyeon shoves Baekhyun off, screaming out loudly in pain. He rubs at his knuckles, his skin is peeling off, the raw flesh is reddened and bloody. Baekhyun bites the inside of his cheek to stop himself from laughing. He turns towards Sehun with a threatening gaze, his hand outstretched at the younger with a glow in the middle of his palm, the light beam ready to shoot at command.

 

“Fucking torture him already, Sehun!” Junmyeon angrily demands. His cheeks are flushed in rage, knuckles bloodied from Baekhyun's little stunt. “We don't have time!”

 

Baekhyun backs away, hand still outstretched. “Don't you dare,” he says through gritted teeth and Sehun rolls his eyes mockingly at Baekhyun's defensive stance. His mouth opens to say something but he is interrupted by the door bursting open, alarming everyone in the room.

 

Baekhyun feels him before he sees the familiar wide-eyed gaze that he is fond of. Kyungsoo envelopes him in a hug, hands rubbing at his back. It's brief as he pulls away immediately, directing a glare to the duo. Baekhyun has never felt any safer than in Kyungsoo's arms, almost closing his eyes and succumbing to the warmth radiating off the boy.

 

“What are you doing here?” Baekhyun fires the question immediately. As pleasantly surprised (and relieved) he is by the boy's sudden barge in, he is puzzled. “How did you –?”

 

Kyungsoo rubs at Baekhyun's cheeks softly, wiping off a few tears Baekhyun hadn't even know he had shed. He leans subconsciously into the touch and he can see a corner of Kyungsoo's lips twitching to smile.

 

“I should have came earlier,” Kyungsoo says. His eyes harden, turning towards Junmyeon. “Jongin told me and if it wasn't for Joohyun...”

 

Another laugh, as sinister as earlier, falls out of Junmyeon's lips, rising and rising along with the amplitude of his clapping. Baekhyun's grip on Kyungsoo's hand tightens, feeling a surge of protectiveness roll within him.

 

“You think I'd be so afraid of you two?” Junmyeon scoffs, inching close to Baekhyun. Kyungsoo clutches onto his hand tightly. He fixates on Kyungsoo, lips twisting into a sneer, “You have been useless. Sehun, take care of him.”

 

Sehun cracks his knuckles and Baekhyun screams out first as Kyungsoo, next to him, acts on quickly. The ground breaks beneath Sehun, roots sprouting out from the earth and climbing onto his ankles. The roots wrapped themselves around his ankles, tightly coiled. Sehun staggers on his two feet at the sudden action, he looks up in fury at Kyungsoo.

 

Before Baekhyun could register anything, before he could even push Kyungsoo out of the way, he is pulled away from Baekhyun, his body dropping to the floor. Baekhyun's screams heighten, and he blasts out a light beam out of panic, hitting the desk instead of any of the two. Kyungsoo's limbs are twisted and Baekhyun couldn't fathom that the screams are coming out of Kyungsoo's full lips, at the excruciating pain Sehun has him under.

 

Baekhyun cries out for Sehun to stop, his light beam shooting out of his palm but it's wrongly aimed again, hitting the carpeted floor instead, burning a hole into the carpet. Junmyeon seizes him again, capturing his hands and Baekhyun can't think straight when his eyes keep flitting towards Kyungsoo's body on the floor with his limbs twisted and features contorted into an expression of utter pain.

 

“Surrender,” Junmyeon commands. He laughs, tilting his head at Baekhyun. “Did you think that by calling your boy toy here, you'd be saved?”

 

“Stop, please!” Baekhyun cries, the tears falling onto his cheeks. Kyungsoo's screams hit a chord in his heart, and he is vastly reminded of watching Jongdae and Seungwan being tortured in front of his eyes. He shuts his eyes close, shaking against Junmyeon's grip, “Let Kyungsoo go!”

 

“Not until you give the light to me, Baekhyun.”

 

Baekhyun contemplates for a full second just when Kyungsoo manages to stutter out, “N-no! Don't, B!”

 

Baekhyun's eyes fly open and he sees Sehun's irises hardening, the redness deepening into a darker shade as he focuses on abusing Kyungsoo. Several bruises appear on Kyungsoo's pale skin at once and Baekhyun panics, another tear slipping down his cheeks, wetting his cheeks further in his despair and conflicting emotions.

 

 _Kyungsoo..._ Baekhyun can't even part his lips to call out his name. The pain that wrecks Kyungsoo apart, it cuts deep into Baekhyun's heart at the sight. He tries to wring himself out of Junmyeon's grasp, tries to save Kyungsoo, but the light... it is held back by a force and he has no choice. He has no other choice.

 

Baekhyun has to surrender, he has to. Kyungsoo has to live, he can't let the doe-eyed boy suffer at his mistakes, his own naivety and foolishness. He can't have another ghost living within himself, he can't let another die in vain. There will not be another death on his hands today, Baekhyun bites onto his lip, withholding the light within himself. All he has to do is to let go.

 

Let go.

 

Baekhyun has to let go.

 

His eyes flit towards Kyungsoo, and their gazes meet for a few seconds. Baekhyun's heart stops at the way Kyungsoo intensely stares at him, even under such pain, he has fiery determination in those irises. Baekhyun longs for it, breathing in the strength of his light and realising that this is it. Kyungsoo has to live, Baekhyun has to do it.

 

Kyungsoo has to _live._

 

He mouths an apology, eyes softening at Kyungsoo. He sears the image of the boy into his head and the first three words that he would probably never have the opportunity to say stutter in his mind. One day, Kyungsoo will know.

 

“Okay,” Baekhyun says and it brightens Junmyeon's features, cockiness slipping into his grin. “I'll do it. I'll give the light to you.”

 

Junmyeon waits, eyes expectant. Baekhyun hears the painful sounds slipping past Kyungsoo's lips halt behind him and he doesn't let himself glance back. If he has to do this, he has to let everything go.

 

Baekhyun lets a little light slip through his fingers, floating into Junmyeon, and he can tell that it overwhelms Junmyeon, his eyes brightening and brightening at the sudden rush of adrenaline in him. Baekhyun inhales deeply, letting it flow into Junmyeon a little more. Then, he stops entirely.

 

Junmyeon frowns, looking down at their hands. Baekhyun pulls his hands away from the leader in that moment of confusion. His fingers are fully glowing now, the light is so bright, it blinds Baekhyun as well.

 

Baekhyun swivels around, taking a few more steps backwards to face all of them. He smiles faintly at Kyungsoo and he sees the boy's eyes darkening in fear. His lips are parted, seconds away from saying something to stop him, and Baekhyun knows that it has to be _now_ or else he'll stumble and be swayed by a single word slipping past Kyungsoo's lips, drifting into his ears with that voice he has loved all this time.

 _I'm sorry, mama._ Baekhyun closes his eyes, relishing in the light flowing through his veins, the source of life and death, the bane and cause of his existence. _I couldn't be the light you wanted me to be._

 

The light shuts out.

 

 


	5. epilogue; the Beginning

_Dear Kai,_

 

You previously asked to write to you using this name, I hope I remembered it correctly.

 

If you had been wondering, yes, we are both fine. I'm fine. He is fine. We have not reached the stage of happiness yet but we are pretty content with where we are, who we've become. What we've done, however, still haunts us to this day in recurring nightmares. It breaks him apart at night and I have to hold him through the blinding pain he sees through the darkness.

 

Sometimes the light can be truly burdensome. Sometimes we just want to be bathed in the dark, to fade into the blackness of nothingness.

 

Yet... like all sides of things, we still live with it.

 

Sometimes the light helps, heals us in one way or another, reminds us of better days in the future. Sometimes we seek it out, gradually attracting to the brightness of the future together.

 

He is a healer now. We tend to random strangers that seek out aid with their health, mentally and/or physically. It's not our duty to give back to the society that wrecked us but we still feel a sense of belonging in it. We are still children of this universe and he says that he wants to turn over all the souls he has taken, by repairing the broken ones.

 

Kai, you may ask, I can almost hear it in a perfect imitation of your voice, “How about us? Aren't we broken as well?”

 

He says we aren't and I believe him. He says we aren't broken, we are reborn and we've had scars. That doesn't mean we are broken.

 

Are you broken, Kai? If you are, come seek us out. Thirty bucks to repair a soul. Hahahaha.

 

To end this off, I'll ask, how are you? I don't know how you are going to answer to this but I'll be looking out for an answer. Are the others doing well? How is the world out there without us? We haven't been exploring, we don't feel the strike of adventure quiet yet. I hope you have stopped jumping through time portals and parallel universes. I hope you've settled down with the other healer. It's time for you to give in to the feelings you've kept away for so long. Everyone deserves a happy ending, even you.

 

The world will not burn at the absence of you or me or him or any of us.

 

He misses you a bit, misses the curl of your lips when you smile out of childlike innocence. I, on the other hand, don't miss you at all, but I do want to see you to just poke fun at you.

 

Take care, Kai.

 

_All the best wishes,_

_the Sun and its Earth._

 

 


End file.
